So my mom calls me this morning and say her friend X called her. We just went to friend X's daughter's wedding 2 weeks ago and our wedding is in 2 1/2 weeks. Well friend X called my mom to ask if she is able to bring her nephew to our wedding??? I guess her nephew flew in for her daughters wedding, and is now staying with them and since they are all coming to our wedding they feel bad leaving him at home alone (he is 23 yrs. old!). I was so shocked i just didnt say anything to my mom, i told her i would call her later about it.
Now what the heck do i do? I just cant believe she would ask this? How would you handle this? Her nephew -whom i never even met at her daughters wedding- would cost us $300 bucks
I just dont understand how people can just throw something on you at the last possible moment and think its fine... especially when they just had a wedding!!!! HELP - opinions please?
Personally, I'd say no. At two weeks out, you've probably had to give your guarantees to the caterers, etc. You don't know this person, they don't need to be at your wedding. If he's 12, sure, that's one thing. He's 23.
I agree with jma, I'd just tell her that sorry, you already turned in your final guest counts (even if that's not true) so it's too late. Be really apologetic so you don't ruffle any feathers, but be firm about how there won't be a seat for him and there won't be food. And sorry you have to do this at all!!! I can't believe some people!!
I agree. Unless of course you were allowed to bring all kinds of extended family to X's wedding, or they accomodated any crazy last-minute requests that you had, in which case it would be pretty rude of you not to reciprocate. But I assume that you didn't call them at the last minute to ask if you could bring your crazy Uncle Ed, or some college friend who is currently sleeping on your sofa and won't leave. I can't believe a 23 year old guy really wants to spend his spare time surfing the weddings of people he doesn't know anyway - he would probably rather be left home, so he can put his feet on the sofa and drink beer in front of the television - not have to dress up and make nice with people he doesn't even know. Just say that you're sorry, it's not possible to accomodate additional guests at this time.
I agree--just politely tell them you already had to have your final count in and that on a budget, you are not able to accomodate unexpected "guests". I agree with everyone else that there are very frew 23-year-old guys who are just itching to go to a wedding for someone they don't know! craziness, just craziness :)
I don't think it's a totally insane request...we had a couple of people ask us very politley about bringing a girlfriend and they all said they understood if it couldn't be done, so try not to be too harsh on the asker...she may have asked in a nice way and if you had any last minute drop outs it may have been possible.
But yeah jsut say no we've already turned in the catering numbers, or no we've already reached the venue limit, etc. It won't be a big deal.
No, no, no!!!! I agree with most of the posts above. Besides, why would he want to go to a wedding for someone he didn't know?? I know that I wouldn't want to- I would feel quite awkward.
Um I could have written this! I'm 2 months out though! I told my mom no! I said, give me their phone #'s and I will personally call to explain the situation! There are plenty of people who don't get that bringing one more person adds a big cost to the couple! I kinda lost it on my mom because it wasn't the first time the topic was brought up! It was considered my first wedding related cry since all the planning had started! I was SO over people not getting the point!
Once it was explained to the person they said, "oh im so sorry i thought it was just going to be punch and cookies after church!" so people just sees things as they did them!
Thanks guys, ya thought it was a strange request. But i am trying not to just flip out, i am just soo stressed about everything right now, and i am just shocked that someone would really just ask that? People are weird....
But thanks I needed the support so i didnt feel crazy!
Some requests are reasonable - somebody has a new fiance, for instance, or an elderly person needs some help getting around and so wants to bring a more able-bodied companion. And I think you want to try to accomodate as many of the reasonable requests as possible. If you go and allow people to bring their random houseguests, you lose the ability to include people whom it might be more reasonable to allow. If your mom has an issue about you turning down the nephew-houseguest, you might put it to her that way.
I was in a similar situation. My cousin from Canada is flying in for our wedding. She already RSVP for herself, her husband, and two small children. My aunt (her mom) calls me and asks me if my cousin can bring another kid and I was like "who?" I have no idea who this kid is and he would be considered an "adult" guest. My aunt already knows we're having issues with people bringing a guest. I straight up said, "No comment. Please don't ask me because you already know my answer." Because the wedding is so near, I'm just not taking it anymore.
Seriously, this woman just asked you an innocent question. She wondered if she could bring her nephew. She asked you. You can tell her whatever you want, including no.
Not everybody thinks about a wedding as obsessively as the bride does, and I'm sure this lady has no idea it is costing you $300 per person.
Who's paying for the wedding? If your parents are paying remind your mom it will cost her an extra $300 and let her decide if she wants her friend's nephew there. Since we are paying for ours and space wasn't an issue, I told my mom she could invite any of her crazy friends who I don't know but she would need to fork up the funds to cover the cost of their food, alcohol, table and chairs, favors and invitation. The original list was divided fairly among both sides of the family and our friends. Any additionals after that can be paid for by the respective parents. Funny how she didn't need to invite all the crazy bitties after I put the numbers out there for her.
And give the nephew credit... Hello!!! HOT BRIDESMAIDS!!!! Why wouldn't he want to go to a wedding even if he didn't know the family. Did no one see Wedding Crashers?? :)
So my mom calls me this morning and say her friend X called her. We just went to friend X's daughter's wedding 2 weeks ago and our wedding is in 2 1/2 weeks. Well friend X called my mom to ask if she is able to bring her nephew to our wedding???
I guess her nephew flew in for her daughters wedding, and is now staying with them and since they are all coming to our wedding they feel bad leaving him at home alone (he is 23 yrs. old!). I was so shocked i just didnt say anything to my mom, i told her i would call her later about it.
Now what the heck do i do? I just cant believe she would ask this? How would you handle this? Her nephew -whom i never even met at her daughters wedding- would cost us $300 bucks
I just dont understand how people can just throw something on you at the last possible moment and think its fine... especially when they just had a wedding!!!! HELP - opinions please?
posted by jhearta 93 posts 6 months agoPersonally, I'd say no. At two weeks out, you've probably had to give your guarantees to the caterers, etc. You don't know this person, they don't need to be at your wedding. If he's 12, sure, that's one thing. He's 23.
posted by jma19 364 posts 6 months agoI agree with jma, I'd just tell her that sorry, you already turned in your final guest counts (even if that's not true) so it's too late. Be really apologetic so you don't ruffle any feathers, but be firm about how there won't be a seat for him and there won't be food. And sorry you have to do this at all!!! I can't believe some people!!
posted by bluebell 82 posts 6 months agoI agree. Unless of course you were allowed to bring all kinds of extended family to X's wedding, or they accomodated any crazy last-minute requests that you had, in which case it would be pretty rude of you not to reciprocate. But I assume that you didn't call them at the last minute to ask if you could bring your crazy Uncle Ed, or some college friend who is currently sleeping on your sofa and won't leave. I can't believe a 23 year old guy really wants to spend his spare time surfing the weddings of people he doesn't know anyway - he would probably rather be left home, so he can put his feet on the sofa and drink beer in front of the television - not have to dress up and make nice with people he doesn't even know. Just say that you're sorry, it's not possible to accomodate additional guests at this time.
posted by suzanno 1,955 posts 6 months ago23 years old? Perfectly capable of entertaining himself for an evening?
Um, no. Tell them you'll rent a movie and send him a bag of microwave popcorn to keep him company.
posted by JuneBride 13 posts 6 months agoI agree--just politely tell them you already had to have your final count in and that on a budget, you are not able to accomodate unexpected "guests". I agree with everyone else that there are very frew 23-year-old guys who are just itching to go to a wedding for someone they don't know! craziness, just craziness :)
posted by mrsbic 51 posts 6 months agoI don't think it's a totally insane request...we had a couple of people ask us very politley about bringing a girlfriend and they all said they understood if it couldn't be done, so try not to be too harsh on the asker...she may have asked in a nice way and if you had any last minute drop outs it may have been possible.
But yeah jsut say no we've already turned in the catering numbers, or no we've already reached the venue limit, etc. It won't be a big deal.
posted by BaghdadBride 205 posts 6 months agoNo, no, no!!!! I agree with most of the posts above. Besides, why would he want to go to a wedding for someone he didn't know?? I know that I wouldn't want to- I would feel quite awkward.
posted by joyful 14 posts 6 months agoUm I could have written this! I'm 2 months out though! I told my mom no! I said, give me their phone #'s and I will personally call to explain the situation! There are plenty of people who don't get that bringing one more person adds a big cost to the couple! I kinda lost it on my mom because it wasn't the first time the topic was brought up! It was considered my first wedding related cry since all the planning had started! I was SO over people not getting the point!
Once it was explained to the person they said, "oh im so sorry i thought it was just going to be punch and cookies after church!" so people just sees things as they did them!
posted by karieck05 99 posts 6 months agoThanks guys, ya thought it was a strange request.
But i am trying not to just flip out, i am just soo stressed about everything right now, and i am just shocked that someone would really just ask that? People are weird....
But thanks I needed the support so i didnt feel crazy!
posted by jhearta 93 posts 6 months agoSome requests are reasonable - somebody has a new fiance, for instance, or an elderly person needs some help getting around and so wants to bring a more able-bodied companion. And I think you want to try to accomodate as many of the reasonable requests as possible. If you go and allow people to bring their random houseguests, you lose the ability to include people whom it might be more reasonable to allow. If your mom has an issue about you turning down the nephew-houseguest, you might put it to her that way.
posted by suzanno 1,955 posts 6 months agoI was in a similar situation. My cousin from Canada is flying in for our wedding. She already RSVP for herself, her husband, and two small children. My aunt (her mom) calls me and asks me if my cousin can bring another kid and I was like "who?" I have no idea who this kid is and he would be considered an "adult" guest. My aunt already knows we're having issues with people bringing a guest. I straight up said, "No comment. Please don't ask me because you already know my answer." Because the wedding is so near, I'm just not taking it anymore.
posted by MsApes 113 posts 6 months agoUh yeah, this post made me laugh out loud.
Seriously, this woman just asked you an innocent question. She wondered if she could bring her nephew. She asked you. You can tell her whatever you want, including no.
Not everybody thinks about a wedding as obsessively as the bride does, and I'm sure this lady has no idea it is costing you $300 per person.
posted by elizzard87 16 posts 6 months agoWho's paying for the wedding? If your parents are paying remind your mom it will cost her an extra $300 and let her decide if she wants her friend's nephew there. Since we are paying for ours and space wasn't an issue, I told my mom she could invite any of her crazy friends who I don't know but she would need to fork up the funds to cover the cost of their food, alcohol, table and chairs, favors and invitation. The original list was divided fairly among both sides of the family and our friends. Any additionals after that can be paid for by the respective parents. Funny how she didn't need to invite all the crazy bitties after I put the numbers out there for her.
And give the nephew credit... Hello!!! HOT BRIDESMAIDS!!!! Why wouldn't he want to go to a wedding even if he didn't know the family. Did no one see Wedding Crashers?? :)
posted by nickyt 42 posts 6 months ago