(Closed) Umm…Awkward…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I would hold off on calling and definitely hold off on the gift buying.  If she did invite you, you’ll get a phone call asking why you didn’t RSVP, if not…well then there is your answer.

And totally agree with the awkwardness. One of my huge wedding pet peeves is inviting people to an engagement party/shower etc., but not the wedding.

Post # 4
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would probably wait it out.  If the wedding is in one month, she may have just mailed it out.  I know some people even mail their invites out at even shorter notice. 

But if it ends up that you were not invited to the wedding, then that is extremely poor form on her part.  Anybody invited to any wedding related function, including those helping out in the ceremony should be invited.  I wouldn’t blame you for feeling put off!

Post # 5
1104 posts
Bumble bee

That is awkward. I probably wouldn’t worry about asking – it’s not like you’re waiting for the invite to confirm your travel arrangements. You know you’re not going so in that sense I don’t think you need to ask where your invitation is. Unless it’s to let them know they’ve committed a massive faux pas by inviting you to all the other events except the main one 🙂

Post # 6
18645 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I would not send a gift.  Things very rarely get lost in the mail.  Maybe she didn’t send an invite because she knew you couldn’t come?  That’s still so rude when you already sent invites to the gift showers though.

Post # 7
14498 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I wouldn’t be offended, like MissAsB said, she possibly didn’t send one as she knew you couldn’t attend.  I would wait to see if you get an announcement in the mail after the wedding, but she still should have talked to you before the invites to the showers came out.

Post # 8
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I wouldn’t ask her.  And I would hold off on sending a gift until you received your invitation – if you do receive one.

Post # 10
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

This is awkward and while I don’t agree, I understand why you didn’t get an invitation. A lot of people told me not to bother inviting people to the wedding if I invited them to the bridal shower and they didn’t show or give a gift. I think people feel that if you couldn’t come to their shower or send a gift and especially if they knew you couldn’t come to the wedding, they probably just took you off the list. I didn’t agree with the advice I received and just said that I would send and invite and I’ll save face since those people who didn’t come or send a gift for the shower will probably do the same for the wedding.

I am actually having this issue with my mother. She had people at work approach her since she didn’t originally invite them to the shower, she apologized and said that she just thought they wouldn’t want to come but since they did she gave them an invitation and they both showed up to the shower empty handed. Also my mother is hurt that one of her 1st cousins failed to even RSVP for the shower and now she wants to take her off the list as well. She wants to take them off the wedding list and while I understand why she wouldn’t want to invite them I figure what’s an invitation it can’t hurt.

Post # 11
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I know people that have sent out invitations even later than that so you shouldn’t be offended yet.

Post # 12
2641 posts
Sugar bee

That’s tough.  On the one hand I was thinking the same thing as MissAsB.  Maybe she knew that you couldn’t come and didn’t send one.  (Did you skip the bachelorette too?)

On the other hand, she already knew that you would be across the country when she told you you were invited, right?  And if you’re that far away, she couldn’t have expected that you would have made the shower and the wedding.

When she mentioned inviting you to the wedding, do you recall saying anything like, you probably wouldn’t be able to go?  Or say anything like this, when you declined the shower invite?

I’m not sure if I’d recommend calling her.  But that might depend on how lose you two are.  Do you plan on continuing the friendship?  Does the invitiation make a difference in that decision?

good luck.

Post # 13
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I actually had something similar happen to me!  One of my high schools friends was getting married and I just assumed that she would not be inviting me to her wedding.  Well lo and behold, I get a shower invitation!  So I wait for the wedding invite and I never get one!  And I’m thinking to myself “How rude!  She must’ve just been trying to get gifts!”  Well, a couple weeks before the wedding, she calls me up and goes “Hey, why didn’t you RSVP???”  Apparently my invite DID get lost in the mail!!!

Give her the benefit of the doubt for now.  She’ll call you to see if you’re coming closer to the date if you truly are invited.

Post # 14
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’d just do nothing, if you were invited someone will call asking where your rsvp is.  Tell them you didn’t recieve anything and then you can decide about sending a gift.  You can always send a gift after the wedding – its still okay to do that right??!

Post # 15
3125 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Just wait it out.. if the event comes and goes.. i guess you’re not invited, and off the hook for sending a gift! I would say send one if you felt like it, but I think 2 gifting invites and no wedding invite cancels out the gift completely.

Post # 16
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I sent my invites out about a month in advance.  Everyone knew the date from the STD, but there still could have been some mix up.

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