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That's tough - sorry :-( I say you just do the elopement. That way, no one can hold anything over your head. If she still thinks you should have a wedding, she can plan all of the details of your reception AFTER you get back :-)
I second the elopement, don't tell her details, just go do what's right for you and Tummy.
I'm utterly confused as to why you let your FSIl run the show.
Do what you want. If you want to elope, elope! If you want a big wedding have that, but plan it yourself.
And get rid of her being in your wedding.
Latly, what's your FI say about all this, hope he's standing up for you.
What the...??? I'm almost at a loss for words here! Why is she doing this to you and her brother? Her BROTHER! Does she hate him?
Go through with the big wedding and cut her out of it. That's the spiteful me talking. The mature me would say elope quietly and celebrate with family and friends when you return.
Wow.
I can't believe you would let her dictate anything, no wonder she is throwing a hissy fit now!!!
I would elope, and tell him family its their fault for believing her, and for letting her act that way
@Atalanta: THIS!!
@tulipandtummy: Why should the woman even be invited to your wedding (much less running the show) after the things she's said? I don't get why you guys were bowing to her wishes in the first place? It's not her wedding.
i know. i regret ever tring to be nice. it pisses me off. thanks u guys! im totally gonna just elope with him. thtats what we wanted :):)...
should we allow her to come with to the court house? she furious that we dont want her there..but i feel like its so hypocritical for her to be there. why should she try to celebrate a relationship she tried to destry...right?
@Atalanta: omg..hes so standing up for me like crazy. its hard for him to tho u know?...we should just move to california... sigh...i love the beach lol. so much better then dealing with drama
The people who attend a wedding are supposed to be supprting the marriage.
Why you would want this woman at your wedding is beyond me.
@tulipandtummy: I don't think you should allow her to go to the courthouse with you... especially after the way she behaved. If she was trying to bring down your relationship I don't think she has any business being there to celebrate one of the most important events in the relationship.
"should we allow her to come with to the court house? she furious that we dont want her there..but i feel like its so hypocritical for her to be there. why should she try to celebrate a relationship she tried to destry...right?"
Let her be "furious"! I dont know why you would still be debating anything, after what she has said about you, and turning his family against you. So, no, do not let her have ANY involvement, or details period, from here on out. Go with your original plans.
I'm sorry but this is your day, its amazing that she went this far. She has no right to be there with you and I think you would have a better day if she was excluded.
congrats on going through with the elopement...it sounds like that's what your two really want and that's all that matters. I agree, do not give her the details! It's your moment.
I dont get how she is able to change the time of your reception? Personally I would just not tell her any information. If you still want to elope then do so, I dont see why she can throw a a tantrum and get her way when its your wedding.
"we both wanted to do a very simple elopement. but NOOOOO...his sister insisted we have a huge italian wedding and because we are nice people and want to make everyone happy. we agreed (after she threw a tantrum)"
Nope. Stopped reading after that. You can't let people call the shots from the get-go and then cry when they cross boundaries. Sorry!
After everything that she pulled why are you even contemplating lettering her go to the courthouse? Just so she can be a witness and object? She sounds crazy for trying to run your wedding and ruin your relationship and you guys should have put your foot down awhile ago.
What's done is done but you have to make the choice to change the future and by not allowing her to go to your elopement will change it for the better in the long run. I'm positive she will just ruin it so RUN to the courthouse with your man and marry him before the crazy lady finds out.
@Soon2beeMrsM: THT JUST MADE MY DAY! thank you! thats what i wanted to hear..but i wanted to make sure that it wasnt like im just being crazy or anything. thank u thank u thanku :):):):) we are gonna sprint as fast as our tummies filled with ribs allows :D
YOU ALL ARE THE BEST! :):)
xoxo
How does she even have the power to do any of this? How crazy.
Elope, if that's still what you guys want to do--you've got a second chance to do it now!
Go elope without her. Also, just be prepared and realistic how she'll be in future life events like new house and babies. Be aware that she's part of the marriage package too. She's the avoidable, but still there part of your marriage that you're going to have to deal with from time to time. Happy that your man is standing up for you and you're being a strong couple in the face of family drama.
@carrieknitscake: thts what im soo worried about...i can literally see her setting fire to a house we bought if she hates it..or if she likes it and wanted it for herself haha
jhgfksjdhfdhf a strong and suporrtive man will get me thru this.. :)
Go get married and tell her nothing about it.
Who the hell cares if she is furious or hurt. She did it to herself.
@tulipandtummy: That's awful if that's a thought even before getting married. I understand sibling rivalry and jealousy around life events in general. I've felt that way when recently when my SIL had their 3rd child. We're now in a place where that's what we want, so it was tough to see. I let those emotions out to my mom certainly not my SIL or brother. I was happy for them when they got married, had kids, and bought and moved from their homes. They were pretty much the same for us. I can't imagine a SIL being malicious and negatively impacting her brother's relationship. It leads to bad blood all around. Again, be prepared for it. It's one of the tough parts about marriage.
You can see her setting fire to your house? I asked earlier, but you didn't clarify...do you know why she is like this? does she hate her brother?
@KatyElle: yea..ur totally right. i never should of let her make one decision. easier said then done tho when u have a huge italian family sidding with her..
@tulipandtummy: My husband's family is Italian and we still managed to have the small wedding we wanted, despite the constant pressure from his mother and relatives. It can be done. Just go into broken record mode whenever they start up again. Repeat after me: "No."
Yeah I am with @KatyElle. I'm sorry this is happening to you, I really am, but you had to have known this lady was batcrap crazy from the get go. She is your fiance's sister, so he has to know how controlling and difficult she is, so there really is no excuse. You can't expect someone you allow to steamroll you to not do so any time they want. No wonder she is pitching a fit- you've given her everything she's wanted the entire time so why wouldn't she?
Drop her butt like a hot rock and go see the JOP, but be prepared for the backlash and fallout. You fostered it, now you have to deal with it.
(By the by: is she already married or is she still single? Just curious.)
I don't know why you allowed her to dictate so much about your wedding, but if you do elope (and it seems like that's the easiest solution) I would absolutely NOT TELL HER!
@Just_Squeeze: hei sorry..didnt mean to ignore ur question lol. No. She loves her brother...in fact she has him as her onl friend...he can't stand tht she can't be her own person but she like can't let go...
@linguo42: ok ok no....no....no....i gotta practice tht lol thanks :)
@msgigi: and yes..the princess is still single. Never had a bf...nothing.
I just learned tht she actually harassed the venue manager to switch the date by telling them SHE was paying for the reception. Ummm...tht isn't cool. :/
@carrieknitscake: and wow...i read ur post on tht...im so sorry. Thts so unfair! You deserve to be rejoced about to! :( I'm really sorry you have to deal with tht dear. :( I'm glad you and ur special man are at a point wher you guys are happy :)
@tulipandtummy: How old is she? Is her brother her only sibling? Is she the youngest, oldest? At any rate, you are doing the right thing. RUN to the JOP, ASAP! ;)
@mrscheetos: hahahahahahahah I kno. She should get laid. Sex relaxes people. Haha and btw. I LOVE CEETOS! Haha :)
@MsGigi: she and tummy are the only siblings. She's 20. And she's the oldest.
This is the weirdest thing that I have ever heard. I don't know ANYONE who gives their FSIL this much control over their wedding plans. What is wrong with you!? *shakes OP vigorously* wake up, girl! 
@Sasha2011: thanks for the shake. I need it hahaha it's called trying to be niceso tht I get accepted but now I dnt eally care anymore syndrom haha
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ok so. bees...u guys are amazing. :):):) i love u all! hehe but not my FSIL
SHE IS A TOTAL BITCH. i hate her. she is the root of all the problems in my life. lj;asdhfwoiehfjhefjhwjehfjkhsdofiuowiejhflkjhdfwekjfljdfkjkj;lksjdgfiwr.
when Tummy proposed...we both wanted to do a very simple elopement. but NOOOOO...his sister insisted we have a huge italian wedding and because we are nice people and want to make everyone happy. we agreed (after she threw a tantrum)
so the wedding planning was going GREAT! i even asked if she would be my MOH. even though i didnt want her to...i thought it would be a nice gesture. especially since i knew she wanted to stand up.
here is how she is a b
1) she went behind tummy and mine back...went to our venue for our reception and changed the time. wewanted a day reception. she wanted a nighttime one. lakhsdfijhadf gah!
2) she cancelled our bridal shower and bachlareet party (her reasoning?...oh..its a good one..thts number 3)
3) she told the entire family im a ho. and tht im cheating on Tummy. and that i have no upbringing. bla bla bla...for MONTHS! and Tummy and i had no stinkin clue untill the other day where his family told him not to mary me otherwise they will disown him.
oh and then she has the nerve to tell me in front of the entire family that she feels betrayed and can not stand up anymore in the wedding.
what do we do?... we stick together and go back to our orignial plans of doing a simple elopement thingie of just us 2.
guess who wants to be there...standing up. aodhfeuhfoehflnef
and guess who is throwing the biggesttantrum in her life because Tummy told her no because she hasnt apologized or anything and is continuing to talk trash.
what do i do?!