(Closed) “Ummmm….. what?”

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Am I wrong to be upset?
    Yes! Explanation below. : (20 votes)
    15 %
    No! : (112 votes)
    85 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3640 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Given that it is so close to your wedding and they are choosing the exact same weekend then yes, you have a right to be upset. I don’t think it’s fair on you or the families involved. 

    Hopefully this is a passing phase and they will choose to do their renewal some other time. Especially seeing as they don’t have very long to plan!

    Post # 4
    Member
    46126 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think it is only natural to be upset. Although FI’s brother may be thinking that this is a great time because the family is together, I would ask your FI to speak with him and request that theu set another date.

    Are there other times of the year when the family gets together? Thanksgiving? Christmas?

    This should be your weekend  and he is being inconsiderate.

    Post # 5
    Member
    4372 posts
    Honey bee

    Yeah, you are right to be upset. Can you have your FI talk to his brother? Considering how many times your FI has let issues with his brother go, to keep the peace, this is one thing he shouldn’t have to budge on. It’s his wedding day, for goodness sakes.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1263 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I voted wrong!  Yes, you have every right to be upset!

    Post # 7
    Member
    634 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    If he chooses to do it the day after I think it is completely fine. You get a wedding DAY, so why not let them do it the day after?? It’s not like their simple vow renewal will upstage your wedding!

    Post # 8
    Member
    424 posts
    Helper bee

    You definitely have the right to be upset. I know people say you only get a day but I think in some cases it’s made into a weekend event (I know mine is because most people are out of town). you already made plans to have a brunch and dinner on Sunday..You may have even put money down to reserve the place for the brunch.. You should have your fiancé talk to his brother and explain you planned wedding related events all weekend.

    Post # 9
    Member
    219 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I agree with Soupy Cat- see if your FI and his brother can have a bit of a heart to heart about this. Dont just go in guns blazing and demand they do it another time. Your FI can be firm but fair, right?

    Failing that, I would ask them to do it after your wedding. Wether you like it or not, these people will be your family for the rest of your life, and its better to get off on the right foot. From experience, powers of persuasion work much better when you can point out whats in it for them. So, try and think of some reasons as to why it woudl be better for them to put it off/have it after your wedding.
    Good luck! Lets us know what happens!

    Post # 10
    Member
    284 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Oops, voted wrong too!  I read your post and was very indignant…YES! I would be mad, no you are NOT wrong to be upset!

    Post # 11
    Member
    2104 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    No, I do not think you are in the wrong. He’s trying to piggyback off all your planning and work. If he wants to have a vow renewal and celebration of his marriage, he SHOULD! Just NOT the weekend of your wedding.

    Post # 12
    Member
    514 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I would be pissed!

    My cousin and I made sure our weddings were at least a month apart.  Maybe you could tell FI’s brother that he won’t have time during the wedding weekend for his own vow renewal….but seriously, WTF!

    Post # 13
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I’d be pissed, too. Maybe the morally correct thing to say is that you only get a day, but I’d be mad as hell. Tell him to find his own weekend, this one is yours! :/

    Post # 14
    Member
    4804 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I accidentally voted yes instead of no! I would be mad too.

    Post # 15
    Member
    7175 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I wouldn’t make a big deal about it (at this point) – BUT, I would make all your weekend plans perfectly clear to whomever you want there – ASAP.  Are your invites sent out?

    It doesn’t sound like your FBIL would care if you weren’t happy about it (from what you said about FI doing what they wanted anyway) – but I would definitely just STICK to your guns about what’s planned and make sure all the key players know about the events, etc.

    Has FBIL talked to FI or you about what they are planning?  Meaning – how was it announced it would be that weekend?

     

    Post # 16
    Member
    2390 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    I would be very upset as well!  I would have your FI and FBIL have a heart to heart.  By the FBIL and his wife having a vow renewal on your wedding weekend, they are kind of doing to you what they did not have….a wedding all to yourselves.  I agree with the saying that you only get a day…but…I think that rule only covers people that aren’t your immediate family.  Family should know better than to plan something of this magnitude on the weekend of a siblings wedding!  Yeesh!

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