Post # 1
I tried to think of a title for this post that wasent a giant run on sentence, so I just used my first reaction when I heard this:
FH’s brother, who is also a groomsman at our wedding, wants to have a vow renewal with his wife of three (yes 3) years on the weekend of our wedding. He did not specificy a date, he simply said July 2/3 weekend.
He figures because all of the family will be in town for our wedding, that they can have their vow renewal seeing as no one was at their wedding. Some key facts to know:
- The brothers wife has already been married once and had the “big white wedding” but the brother has not. He has been a bit jealous that he never got what we are having (understandably so) and he hasent been malicous about his feelings until this event. He has, however, taken over the job of best man even though he is not it, and has been living vicariously through FH’s bachelor party and morning of the wedding plans.
- Brother and sister in law got married in the courts without telling anyone. We all found out on Facebook. This is why no one was at their wedding.
- Brother and sister in law have a history of being selfish people who tend to bully others until they get what they want. FH often gets taken advantage of by them because he’d rather keep the peace and do what they want. I am SO not that way.
So please tell me; am I wrong here?
I feel like they are being selfish. The brother has finally “cracked” after seeing all of our plans, our happiness, and all the attention we are getting, and he has to get in on it so he’s some how “equal” to us in that he has the same experience. I don’t think he conciously thinks “Hmm let me steal their thunder!”, but I think he has an internal “itch” to “catch up to us” and have the same experience he so clearly wants. I’m so irritated. I’ve spent so much time, energy and money to prepare and pay for this weekend, and I think its safe to say I have a staked claim in it. We also have brunch and dinner plans the Sunday after with out of town family and friends, so even if their renewal was Sunday it would still interfer with our plans.
If you do think I’m out of line for being upset, please let me know why. I’m fully willing to admit when I’m wrong, and if I am, I’m willing to give up my battle and let them do as they please.
Thank you Bees!!
Post # 3
Given that it is so close to your wedding and they are choosing the exact same weekend then yes, you have a right to be upset. I don’t think it’s fair on you or the families involved.
Hopefully this is a passing phase and they will choose to do their renewal some other time. Especially seeing as they don’t have very long to plan!
Post # 4
I think it is only natural to be upset. Although FI’s brother may be thinking that this is a great time because the family is together, I would ask your FI to speak with him and request that theu set another date.
Are there other times of the year when the family gets together? Thanksgiving? Christmas?
This should be your weekend and he is being inconsiderate.
Post # 5
Yeah, you are right to be upset. Can you have your FI talk to his brother? Considering how many times your FI has let issues with his brother go, to keep the peace, this is one thing he shouldn’t have to budge on. It’s his wedding day, for goodness sakes.
Post # 6
I voted wrong! Yes, you have every right to be upset!
Post # 7
If he chooses to do it the day after I think it is completely fine. You get a wedding DAY, so why not let them do it the day after?? It’s not like their simple vow renewal will upstage your wedding!
Post # 8
You definitely have the right to be upset. I know people say you only get a day but I think in some cases it’s made into a weekend event (I know mine is because most people are out of town). you already made plans to have a brunch and dinner on Sunday..You may have even put money down to reserve the place for the brunch.. You should have your fiancÃ© talk to his brother and explain you planned wedding related events all weekend.
Post # 9
I agree with Soupy Cat- see if your FI and his brother can have a bit of a heart to heart about this. Dont just go in guns blazing and demand they do it another time. Your FI can be firm but fair, right?
Failing that, I would ask them to do it after your wedding. Wether you like it or not, these people will be your family for the rest of your life, and its better to get off on the right foot. From experience, powers of persuasion work much better when you can point out whats in it for them. So, try and think of some reasons as to why it woudl be better for them to put it off/have it after your wedding.
Good luck! Lets us know what happens!
Post # 10
Oops, voted wrong too! I read your post and was very indignant…YES! I would be mad, no you are NOT wrong to be upset!
Post # 11
No, I do not think you are in the wrong. He’s trying to piggyback off all your planning and work. If he wants to have a vow renewal and celebration of his marriage, he SHOULD! Just NOT the weekend of your wedding.
Post # 12
I would be pissed!
My cousin and I made sure our weddings were at least a month apart. Maybe you could tell FI’s brother that he won’t have time during the wedding weekend for his own vow renewal….but seriously, WTF!
Post # 13
I’d be pissed, too. Maybe the morally correct thing to say is that you only get a day, but I’d be mad as hell. Tell him to find his own weekend, this one is yours! :/
Post # 14
I accidentally voted yes instead of no! I would be mad too.
Post # 15
I wouldn’t make a big deal about it (at this point) – BUT, I would make all your weekend plans perfectly clear to whomever you want there – ASAP. Are your invites sent out?
It doesn’t sound like your FBIL would care if you weren’t happy about it (from what you said about FI doing what they wanted anyway) – but I would definitely just STICK to your guns about what’s planned and make sure all the key players know about the events, etc.
Has FBIL talked to FI or you about what they are planning? Meaning – how was it announced it would be that weekend?
Post # 16
I would be very upset as well! I would have your FI and FBIL have a heart to heart. By the FBIL and his wife having a vow renewal on your wedding weekend, they are kind of doing to you what they did not have….a wedding all to yourselves. I agree with the saying that you only get a day…but…I think that rule only covers people that aren’t your immediate family. Family should know better than to plan something of this magnitude on the weekend of a siblings wedding! Yeesh!