Post # 1
I am a regular poster but want to maintain privacy for this question to avoid hurt feelings.
For the longest time, I planned to have just my best friend stand with me at my wedding. I wanted to keep it small and simple, and limited to those who are, by far, most important in my life to date. Enter the FI’s sister. She was very vocal about how family should ALWAYS be in the wedding party, and announced that she would be a bridesmaid. The FI’s family members tend to get offended easily about “family” matters (I can’t think of anything that wouldn’t be too “identifying” should my FSIL join). I decided it wasn’t worth arguing about, so I agreed…
Fast forward to yesterday. The FI’s sister is now getting married and brought up out of the blue that I WOULDN’T be a bridesmaid. I am happy to not be involved, but at the same time, I’m like, “Wait, I didn’t want you in my wedding but you insisted that since you’re family I have to have you?”
In short, I was wondering before this incident, but even more so now: Is there a polite way to remove her from my wedding party and go back to my original plan of only one bridesmaid? Or will I just be hurting feelings and burning bridges? I am just so annoyed, because there are many good friends I didn’t ask out of an effort to keep things small, and she seems to have double standards regarding this “rule” now that she’s getting married.
I really appreciate your thoughts!
Post # 3
I’m worried that taking her out of the bridal party is going to cause bad blood between you and his family. I don’t know if you want to deal with that for possibly years.
Post # 4
@MrsSaltWaterTaffy:thanks! i think you’re probably right; I’m just so frustrated that I compromised my wedding “vision” to facilitate her sense of entitlement, and now she has decided that the rules she applied to me no longer stand for her wedding! I definitely don’t want to deal with “bad blood” for years.
Post # 5
It will be annoying but I say keep her in your bridal party. That way, on your wedding day, you will be able to relax and not have to worry about drama happening on YOUR day.
Good luck 🙂
Post # 6
yeah.. even if she is being an uber bitch that would cause some serious problems for you. I had the opposite problem; out of a feeling of obligation I asked hubby’s sister to be a bridesmaid only to have her tell me that “she didn’t really feel like being a bridesmaid afterall” 14 weeks before the wedding with no time to have her replaced because the dress wouldn’t be in on time.
Just bite your tongue and bear it as difficult as it may be… the beginning of a marriage is not the time to start a feud! Thats what besties and weddingbee are for. Vent girl, vent! lol
Post # 7
I think it depends on how far away the wedding is and how much she has done (bought the dress/ planned any parties) if not, then I think it’s ok to say you thought about it and you didn’t really want any bridesmaids at all (considering you never asked her) and just ask her to do something else at your wedding. but if the dress has been purchased it’ll be hard to just drop her without any really bad feelings.
Also keep in mind if you make a big fuss you might end up having to be in her wedding party if you didn’t want to in the first place.