(Closed) Un-engagement blues.

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t have a lot of experience in the LDR aspect, but I think if you two are open about your expectations for the future that might help. Instead of focusing on “when will he propose?” try to get on the same page as to moving in together when you’re able to, and agreeing to marriage as a more abstract concept. I guess I am saying it might help to talk it out and make sure you both agree to where the future is going in general. The problem is that it seems like you both logically feel like now isn’t a good time to get engaged, even if emotionally you feel otherwise. So Im not sure there is a way to make things move along faster! 

Other than that it sounds like you are staying busy. For me, waiting goes faster if I just have other crafts, activities, ANYTHING to keep my mind busy. Maybe you can plan a trip to visit or go away with your boyfriend? 

Good luck and welcome to the ‘Bee!

 

Post # 4
Member
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Awww I know what you are going through! My BF and I met and were long distance for 18months and only saw each other once a month but talked on the phone all the time! I think there was maybe 3 days that we didnt talk through that whole time.  And let me tell you it did suck.  We are not engaged (yet) but have now been living together for 2 years.

I hadnt really thought about an engagement or marriage when we were LDR but I was busy with school and he was working but when he wasnt around or able to talk on the phone or skype I would plan weekends away and such.  We were 6 hours apart and when we could only meet up for a night or two we would meet in the middle so we both had equal amounts of travelling.  So we would plan to meet in different towns/cities maybe every second month (the other times we would travel to one another) and I would spend ages planning stuff to do for that weekend (restaurants/museums/tourtist things or upcoming shows/concerts) and that really  helped.

Do you have any advice for how to keep things in perspective and refrain from freaking out on him when I start to feel the un-engagement blues? Is there any possible way to make him propose faster (lol, I know there isn’t)? Help, please!

In answer to this part – Im going through all that myself at the moment and I freaked out a bit on the weekend so I wrote him a letter explaining how I felt and that I would promise to stop freaking out cos he deserves better than that and I told him that if I was starting to freak out for him to give me the letter back so I could re read my promise.  I felt heaps better after that (of course all my secret planning wont stop but thats ok).

Oh and also we always sent each other care packages.  Once I got a parcel and it had a new dvd microwave popcorn and coke in it  and a note that said text me when you make the popcorn and put the dvd in and he called me (we got free calls with our phone provider) and he had bought the same dvd and we watched it together! lol We still laugh at that one cos we now have a few dvds that we own two copies of lol! 

Anyway we also tried to make the most of what we had and tried to have some normalilty in our relationship.  Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Yes, I do.

The absulte best thing you can do is find hobbies and keep yourself active and not relationship focused. This helps in two ways. It helps with the over-focus on the engagement by distracting you and making you think of other things. The second way it helps, is men really appreciate a woman who does not solely focus on him. They tend to loke women who are busy, self-sufficient, and happy on their own. It is scary for a lot of men to have someone depend on them, and if it looks at all like you are dependent on the proposal to be happy, he is likely going to shy away.

So, take up a hobby or a class, and really get into it! It will be fun for you, will make you more rounded and grounded., give you something else to think about, and make you more interesting!

Post # 6
Member
15 posts
Newbee

I know how that is! I feel the pain 🙂 And my BF lives in the same city! However, there was a day when he told me he would be busy , so he couldnt see me for 4 days. FOUR DAYS??!! I went home and cried for about and hour! lol ahh I was pathetic in the past. But I have always coped with it by praying. Really, I pray for my husband every day. And, also, I think about my life in terms of what I want to do. So that I know God is guiding the relationship, and that as long as it may take for him to propose ( at this point weve been together for 4 years, so I hope its soooooon!) I still have my own personal goals in the meantime to engage my interest. And really, at the end of the day, you are the only person you can count on to make your life wonderful anyway.

Post # 7
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

he tells me that getting married to me someday is on his mind. He’s just not ready to take that step yet.

This line annoys me and it probably annoyed you too. You are nervous because of his time frame of “SOMEDAY” What the heck is someday? Did you find that answer acceptable? You also stated that he has valid reasons that you understand as to why the relationship cannot move forward, so I am a little confused of where you stand in the situation.  

Is it A) He stated that he wants to marry me and now I am excited and cannot get it off mind. If this is the case I would talk with him some more about your future plans as PinkBubbleGum  stated about the ways to move the relationship forward. Moving closer, getting new jobs, finances, etc.

Or

Is it B) He stated that he wants to marry me but not right now because of valid reasons and I understand, but I am still excited. If this is the case you both have to work out those reasons and issues before your relationship can move forward.

Playing the waiting game can be tough and longer than you expected. My GF recently got engaged after waiting SEVEN YEARS and she is much older than I am. My question to you is how long are you willing to wait? Maybe you should discuss that number with your SO.

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