Post # 1
So I have a bridsmaid who lives 5 hours away, but she is the only one who still lives in my home town. She agreed to help my mom throw my hometown shower. I have been told she has been complaining about all the things she has to do…basically buy napkins and table cloths…I am not asking for a fancy shower and it’s being held in my parents garage. She doesn’t seem happy about doing anything and complains to people behind my back, saying I am demanding a fancy shower. My mom and sister are doing all the rest of the work and paying for invitations and food. They even stopped asking her to do stuff becasue she seems to make it seem like sucha burden.
Now she refuses to come to the bachelorette. We sent A LOT of emails back and forth between all the girls to figure out which weekend would work best. She only had 2 weekends available, so we pick one of her free weekends, and a few other people cancelled their plans for that weekend so they could attend. We worked around her schedule. Now she tells be she won’t come because she can’t afford it.
I understand that she owns her own home and is going to school, but the bachelorette will be cheap (around $70 pp for all day and night) and I thingk she found her dress for $20. She hasn’t had to buy anythig extravagent. She could even car pool. She told me she would come if one of our aunts would come with. I didn’t really want the aunts there, but if it meant she would be there, then fine. Now she won’t come at all! I’m almost waiting for the e-mail saying she won’t be in the wedding! This is the reason I asked people to be in the wedding, I didn’t tell them. I know weddings are expensive, and I’ve really been trying to keep it simple on the BMs. all I ask is a little support.
Anyone else had this happen? What didi you pay for a bachelorette? Am I acting a bit dramatic ( i had a lot of caffine this morning). I can just ignore her most days
Post # 3
One of my bridesmaids isn’t coming to my bachelorette…and I just said que sera sera. It’s unfortunate that she is backing out after everyone’s willingness to accommodate her schedule, but I think you should let it go. She doesn’t have to go – but it would have been nice to have her there. I completely understand.
Take things that you hear from others with a grain of salt. Sometimes not everything is communicated to you and most of what you are upset about is information you are getting from others. Take a step back, reassess and if you think any of it warrants a conversation with your friend – make an effort to give her a call and check in. Otherwise, don’t add any drama onto your plate. I’m sure you have enough stuff to deal with!
Post # 4
To be honest, the bachelorette isn’t a huge deal to me. 4 out of my 7 bridesmaids were able to make it, and I was fine with that. Sometimes, you just don’t know other people’s circumstances. If she’s not going to be there, her loss. I’d let this one roll off my back.
Post # 5
Honestly, when I read things about difficult/un-excited/unenthusiastic bridesmaids (and it seems to be often these days), the first thing I wonder is how or why they were asked to be a bridesmaid in the first place?
If she’s flat-out complaining about things she “has” to do (which she volunteered for) and acting like being a bridesmaid is a burden on her, perhaps you had better take her aside and ask her quite seriously if she’s invested in this role. If not, it’s far better to let her step down from her duties before she further disappoints you and her behavior takes a toll on your stress and nerves.
Post # 6
I did ask her and I told her the wedding will be in our current town, which is 5 hours away. I made sure she was a willing Bridesmaid or Best Man. She and I were really, close, almost more thatn sisters, but in the last few months, shes dropped off the grid a bit. I keep asking if shes ok or having problems, but she said she fine. I know the bachelorette isn’t huge, but its kind of aggrevating to have planned it around her and now she isn’t coming. We don’t get to see each other much and I was looking forward to partying with her. Oh well. I guess my view was when you agree to be in a wedding, you take the responsibilites with it.
Post # 7
So I’m probably in the minority but the bigger problem I have is that people are sharing her complaints with you. That’s unbelievably rude. I’m sure they probably think they’re doing you a favor by telling you what your bridesmaid is really like but honestly it’s just rude to tell a bride that the hostess is complaining behind her back. That accomplishes nothing & just adds to your stress, anxiety and hurt feelings. You’re obviously not blind to her unethusiastic behavior, what point does it serve to add to it? You should be enjoying this time. If I were a fellow bridesmaid or family member I’d do my best to protect you from her complaints.
Two years ago I threw a baby shower for my best friend. Her mom & I planned it together. All her mom did was complain about the price & work. I was so annoyed I wish I had just planned it on my own. But to this day I still haven’t told my friend about her mom’s behavior (and honestly she probably wouldn’t be the least bit surprised to hear about it – she’s no dummy) but I just didn’t want to ruin her big day or make her sad.