Un-inviting a guest? Should I do it in an exteme circumstance

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

Uninvite her and cut her out of your life. She sounds incredibly toxic and that friendship is not worth it, mental health issues or not. I wouldn’t want to deal with that plus the stresses of planning a wedding.

But I have to wonder, was she like this at all before your engagement? Or just recently?

Post # 3
Member
7395 posts
Busy Beekeeper

NowraJanBride:  It sounds like your friend needs help and understanding from her friends. Is anyone trying to do that?

Post # 6
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

If she is doing this now and you’re only just in the planning stages, imagine her behavior at the actual wedding and afterwards. As someone who has a very mentally unstable brother, I know it’s hard when loved ones start flying off the handle and they cant control it. His stems from anxiety, and he tends to act out more when he’s unmedicated, which unfortunately is very common for him. You need to understand that a mentally unstable person’s perception is much different than a stable person’s perception. Their own perceptions are seen as normal because that’s how they see themselves. They don’t see themselves as acting out, they only see themselves as reacting as they feel they should. Trying to tell them otherwise is like trying to tell them they’re from Mars–they more than likely will not believe you and will see you as a threat to their perceptions. 

Your friend is not trying to work things out despite your efforts, which more than likely means she is also not trying to reach out for help.  Depending on what mental issue she has, then perhaps jealously is the answer since you are now the one receiving the attention. She wants your attention alright, and you are giving it to her. I will revise my previous advice and now suggest that you try to have a one on one with her to see what her issues are, and if she refuses then I suggest an uninvite. She may or may not come crawling back, but that’s up to you on where you want this friendship to go now that her true colors show.

Post # 7
Member
1301 posts
Bumble bee

I have a friend with lupus and when she changes medication, it changes her personality – until the adjusts, or switches again to find something better.  She has done exactly the things you wrote about.. firing off angry group messages on Facebook, texting about us excluding her, say harsh things out of nowhere, etc.

A year later, she is so much better and I’m glad we waited it out.

My advice: She might be going through a hard time.  People who act out usually are.  Just calmly proceed with your wedding planning and let HER decide if she wants to come or not.  You won’t create an enemy.  In my opinion, disinviting someone would cause a lot MORE drama than just allowing her to attend.  She’d probably come, have some cake, and bid you adieu.

  • This reply was modified 2 years ago by  SaraJeanQ.
Post # 8
Member
3707 posts
Sugar bee

NowraJanBride:  Do you know her husband well enough to talk to him about the situation? If he’s involved in the decision, it may might help. He may agree that going to your wedding might not be the best thing for her to do.

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