Post # 1
What do you bees think?
FI’s dad came over yesterday and asked us if we had sent STDs to two particular people. (We have.) He then said that he hated to ask but can we not send them an invitation?
The un-invitees are his ex-wife’s (VERY RECENTLY divorced) father and sister. FI’s dad is very low-key, not dramatic at all. He said he’d tell us what happened later, because he was still very upset by it…but wow…kinda puts us in an awkward position. Don’t get me wrong, I dont know these people well, but I do know them and the ex-wife is still invited so I guess the drama isnt with her…but she is very close to her family and they will know they didnt get invited. and that is if they don’t just come anyway! FI was raised with all of these people, so he considers them family.
Suffice it to say, the divorce has made things strange as of late…
I just don’t want to get cross with his dad or anyone else….and ultimately, are the un-invitees going to blame us in the end?
What would you bees do?
Post # 3
Hmm I’m interested as to what the real reason is here. Well, if he’s asking you to do it, he must have a pretty good reason. I usually would say you have to invite everyone who got a STD but if he’s adamant about not inviting them then don’t and make HIM deal with any potential drama later since it wasn’t your call not to invite them. But seriously, if it comes back to you say “Sorry but it was not my nor was it FI’s decision.” FIL has to deal with fallout on this.
Post # 4
I would give it some time, you don’t have to send them out today, right? Maybe see how it plays out in a little while… I am sorry, that sounds tough! My mom asked me not to invite her brother, and I didn’t and then he asked why he hated received a STD, so I sent one. I would just play it be ear, be flexible and see how things play out.
Post # 5
Good advice, bees. We arent sending them out until Aug, so maybe things will change by then.
The whole thing has been pretty cryptic/weird in a family that is usually very chill and upfront.
Time will tell, I hope!
Post # 6
Maybe in some time, FI and FIL can talk and then FI can make a decision from there, as it is his “family”. I think it might be best between them two. ???
Post # 7
Wait, is this your FI’s maternal grandmother and aunt? Or was your Fi’s dad married (and divorced) from someone other than your FI’s mom?
Post # 8
We had to not send an invitation to someone who got a STD. I didn’t even think about it until I read your post. It is someone I’ve never met, a friend of FI’s parents who turned on them recently (long story) and are now therefore uninvited. I didn’t know this until the day before the invites were mailed, but luckily we caught it in time to cross their name off the list.
Post # 9
I’m assuming that these are not blood relatives but relatives of a former step-parent. I think that you should do as your FFIL asks as long as it is not a blood relation… that you are disinviting… If you have a good relationship with your FI former step mom, and I assume that you do… then I’d let her know that there was a problem that has nothing to do with her, but in sensitivity to your FFIL you are choosing to do as he asks so as not to make a scene at the wedding festivities. (I would word it carefully, and ask her if she might help ease the tension… It definitely sounds like you are in the middle of a unique situation, but I think that it is not reasonable to assume that you are going to abandon a the FOG for a non relative…
Post # 10
My dad told me not to send an invite (after the STD had been sent) to a blood relative who they are feuding with.
My mom told me later to secretly send the invite anyways since it’s rude not to and there was a 99.99% chance they won’t come anyways.
Post # 11
Hmmm… there are several ways to deal with this. I would hold off on your decision for now, since you have some time and maybe since the situation is so recent.
Is there any chance that these relatives would make the decision to not come, even if they were invited? It’s possible that they would, realizing the awkwardness of the situation, decide to not attend the wedding.
Post # 12
they are not blood…but they were married for 20+ years so all holidays etc have been spent with them.
i have no idea if they’d still come despite the drama or not…i dont know them well enough.
i really wish i knew what the drama was, maybe that’d clear some stuff up.
for now, we wait…*sigh*
Post # 13
I think there is serious drama, they probably won’t come anyway. And if you think they are the kind of people to come despite drama, they will most likely do anyway, since an STD is really technically an invitation. So I don’t see why you wouldn’t just go ahead and send the invitation to prevent any problems for yourself and your FI. Just explain to your FIL that you would have to deal with the fall-out, and that you’d rather to the appropriate thing and not add fuel to the fire.
Post # 14
um, my only advice has already been given – wait and see how things pan out before July/August when you actually send the invites (yay date twin!!!)
but can you please update us when you find out what happened? I have a dark, secret place in my heart that loves drama.
Post # 15
I hate that feeling. One of my bridesmaids went nuts and got in a HUGE fight with my fiance… so I had to un-invite and un-bridesmaid her. That was pretty awkward.
Hope it works out for you!