Unable to enjoy my sexlife.

posted 3 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@anonnybea:  You say that you are “pretty vanilla.” I’d be bored of that too. You guys have been together a long time, so it will take work to keep things exciting. What appeals to you? What appeals to him? Do you two have fantasies that you share with each other? Of course you don’t have to answer these questions for me, but you should consider them privately. There are so many things out there for you to explore. I really feel that there is no need for sex to ever get boring! I was in a 10 year relationship before the one I’m in now and I have never been bored of sex (though I have also never been vanilla).

Post # 4
Member
4641 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@anonnybea:  If you won’t seek therapy and say you’re bored and unattracted to your husband, what other options do you think you have other than divorce. Maybe seperation..

You’ve obviously sought help for the medical issues that could be playing a role, but seem unwilling to work on it further. I don’t know what suggestions you’re expecting other than, see a medical doctor AND a therapist. That’s all I’ve got.

ETA: Also it takes work on both sides to make a sex life exciting and fun for the long term.

 

Post # 6
Member
4641 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@anonnybea:  Have you tried ‘different’? Try ‘different’ things and find something you enjoy. If not, it could be that you’re just sexually incompatible? Again, maybe you do need to see a therapist (on your own) to work through these issues.

Post # 7
Member
6751 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Were you fantasizing about, say Brad Pitt, or more like the mailman? I don’t think there is anything wrong with some fantasizing.

Post # 8
Member
2062 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@anonnybea:  Have you talked to your husband about this? You said you think about “other people.” What do you mean? Is there a specific person? Have you found yourself having feelings for another person or being attracted to other people? If so, this may be interfering with the feelings you have for your husband, especially with intimate relations.

Post # 11
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m pretty sure my DH has closed his eyes and thought of Jessia Alba more than once!

Don’t feel bad! It’s TOTALLY natural!

But maybe add some stuff to your repitoire?

Post # 13
Member
4641 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@anonnybea:  Sometimes doing something that makes you slightly uncomfortable can be highly rewarding. At this point, you’re unhappy.. it’s clear.. so what do you have to lose?

Also, have you seen a doctor recently? There’s often a medical reason for a low to non-existent sex drive.. thyroid perhaps??

Post # 15
Member
4641 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@anonnybea:  No no!! I’m not suggesting doing things you already know you don’t like.. that wouldn’t do anything but make things worse. I’m saying sometimes its nice to go outside your comfort zone (ie. him asking you to masturbate in front of him).

I hate to say it but if you’re 100% healthy and still have these feelings of indifference towards having sex with him.. maybe its sexual incompatibility.

Post # 16
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@anonnybea:  Personally, I like roleplay!

Nothing insane or requiring costumes. But once we were making out in my grandparent’s house (dirty, I know), and I said “I feel like I’m a 16 year old virgin, and you’re convincing me to have sex for the first time!”

He went with it, and we had THE best sex. Ever.

Is there a kind of porn you gravitate towards? Dominance, or porn where the woman has to be convinced, or bondage?

DH prefers sorority girl porn. While I’m not willing to share, I’ve learned that he likes an occasional BJ while he watches some!

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