Post # 1
My fiance and I are both Catholic….since this is not his first marriage there are issues /obstacles with us being able to marry in the church..the fact that is more important to the parents then us….we are wanting to get our message blessed for an anniversary a few days down the road.
I am so torn on where/who to do the ceremony its almost taking the enjoyment out of the planning process..I feel like to do anywhere other then a church just wont be the same…
what are my options, are there any other churches that will let us be married even though we are not part of thier congregation?? Or do we just find a venue we both like and find a pastor to marry?
Post # 3
@cjdancer: Oh I’m sorry to hear you’re going through with this! I know it sucks but have you thought of undertaking the process required to marry in the Church if you guys are really set on marrying in one? I know it may be complicated, but it may be doable if you break down the required steps and tackle it one by one.
Another alternative, if you can’t marry in a Catholic church you can still have a Catholic wedding by requesting that a Deacon preside over your marriage at another venue such as a garden. You will have essentially the same wedding rites Catholics marrying in a church receive but the only difference is there is no Communion as the Deacon can’t officiate this rite. So it won’t be the church but it will still be a Catholic ceremony. I know this is doable bc during my premarital counseling session, my Deacon was telling my fiance and I he performed a wedding the weekend past at an outdoor venue bc the couple couldn’t marry in the Church as the groom was not Catholic and refused to take the steps necessary to marry in the Church
Post # 5
Quick question b/c I’m a tad confussed, Was your FI previously married in the catholic church and that is why y’all can’t be married?
Post # 6
Check with another church. The fees will be steeper but each church dictates what their rules are regarding marriage. Like one may not require you to be confirmed but another may. They are finicky like that.
Post # 7
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Most protestant churches will usually marry any Christians (if at least one of the two is Christian) as long as a member has not requested that date. You will have to pay more than members would too. But, yet, you can get married in a church, but not a Catholic one unless you want to pay for an annulment.
I’ve been married in a church and on a beach (by my dad’s pastor) and neither one felt more valid than the other.
Post # 8
All the (non-catholic) churches I’ve been a member of would have married you. Some require pastoral counseling to make sure you’re ready. Some let you bring in your own clergy and some make you use theirs. When I was looking for a larger church (the one I was attending wouldn’t hold the number of guests we had) I found the Lutheran’s to be the most accomodating. Hope that helps!
Post # 9
Thank you all so much…its tough because we are Catholic but not as active as we should be…..the priest (whom we love) told us that its a long process that can take up to a yr…not that we arent willing to make sacrafices but we both work ALOT and just dont know if we are able to make it all happen in time for when we are getting married…he also stated that to get married in the church it meant to lead a very committed to the church life..which we havent so we felt like we didnt deserve to get married that way….We were also told that we might have ask to have the EX sign something to ok our marriage as part of the process…well lets just say neither of us really wanna travel down that road if we dont have to. We do want t eventually get our wedding blessed if we are unable to make the Catholic ceremony happen. I am just stuggling seeing myself get married anywhere other then a church…we dont live in an area with many options and even further out nothing has come across as “thee place”..
I have wanted an outdoor location, but I am not sure me and the possible stress of weather issues are a good combo…lol I just want to know where so all the other things can start flowing into place
As far as contacting a deacon, do you know if the classes and things are still a requirment??
Post # 10
Whether you have the initial wedding in a Catholic church or have the marriage convalidated (blessed) down the road, you will still have to go through the same process of annulling the first marriage. The same impediments to having your wedding in the Church would still apply to getting it convalidated. The difference is that you would have more time and less pressure to get the annulment by a certain date.
Post # 11
Try an episcopal church, it’s basically “diet catholic”. You could pretty much have a catholic church wedding with the Eucharist & holy water and everything but they have kind of the same set up but when the King of England made the church it was to allow for divorce [which obviously isn’t what you wanna think about for a wedding] but since they “allow” it, it isn’t an issue as far as like anulling the previous marriage or what ever the catholics have asked y’all to do – they made my aunt do that, she said it was about the sacrament(?) anyways I hope this is some what helpful for you! Best of Luck!
Post # 12
It seems like what the OP is describing is that they will need to have her FI’s first marriage annuled before they can be married in the *Catholic* church. Unlike some other Christian denominations, Catholics don’t believe that a legal/civil divorce actually dissolves a marriage. So, if FI was married before (in a Catholic wedding), in the eyes of the Church he is still married. I *think* that means you couldn’t have your wedding ‘blessed’ after the fact (convalidated), even if you found another Christian pastor who would marry you.
It could take awhile to get the annulment – it basically makes it like they were never married in the eyes of the Church, which is why he would have to communicate with his EX. However, if you don’t have a sacramental/Catholic wedding, you technically won’t be able to take Communion.
Post # 13
OP this is such a tough situation! But I really encourage you to make the effort with the Church. It’s true it’s an involved process but it’s an investment in your relationship. Even if you guys work all the time and are super busy, you’ll still need to always make your relationship the #1 priority in your life. That’s often why marriages get into trouble to begin with – the hard stuff gets put on the back burner, because it’s hard, and life gets in the way.
The way I look at it, the annulment process is good practice for the self-sacrifice, maturity, and teamwork that is needed in a marriage. Second marriages are at an even higher risk of divorce than first timers and the process can be an excellent way for him (and you, as a couple) to look in-depth at what went wrong, how it could have been headed off, what strategies you can use to avoid that in your own union.
Post # 14
Unless he gets the first marriage annulled then the church wont due anything sorry. Legal divorce doesn’t count in the church. That stated it is easier now in today’s society to get in annulled. Otherwise you will have to find a christian pastor. Good luck 🙂
Post # 15
@LaTortuga: and the only way to get it annulled is through the classes is this correct.?? Does the ex wife have to sign or agree to the annullment in some way??
Post # 16
@Magdalena: I believe you are right…its the issues that his ex enjoys creating that I worry…I dont want her to ruin what is suppose to be a special time for us and not make it possible for us to marry in the church in the end