Post # 1
Our wedding is on September 24th. We mailed the invitations July 14th and had an RSVP date of August 19th. Fortunately, most of our RSVP cards did trickle in by last week. However, by last Friday (one week after the deadline) about 25-30 people still hadn’t RSVP’ed. Moreover, I emailed them on Friday to check and most of them *still* haven’t responded. (These are *all* people who check email 100+ times a day).
I would understand if these are people who can’t make it and are embarrassed or haven’t prioritized declining the invitation. (I mean, it’s still rude, but I get it.) However, at least eight of the people, upon being contacted notified us that they are in fact coming, but some of them *still* couldn’t give us completed entree selections (“So-and-so is still deciding on the chicken vs. the fish”). On top of that, a bunch of the people have replied to these efforts to contact them with responses to the effect of, “Yeah, we are still thinking about it and will let you know eventually.” The people I’m talking about are of totally mixed demographics. Some are young (my friends), some are old (my parents’ or fi’s parents’ friends), some are single, some are families, some are Indian, some American, some are men, some are women. The only consistent feature across all of them is that not a single one of them is even apologizing for missing the RSVP deadline by MORE than a week! I want to work on seating charts this week so that going into September I don’t have to worry about that stuff anymore and focus on other aspects of the wedding that still need attention.
Why are people this rude?! I wish I could just uninvite cretins, but I keep telling myself that just because they are being rude I shouldn’t stoop to their level (except via anonymous verbal abuse online 🙂 ). I’m really deeply annoyed!
Are any of you bees experiencing this situation? How do you handle it?
Post # 3
I would either phone them or send an email saying that we need answers including entree selection by ( insert date-? tomorrow) to confirm with caterer or we will have to assume that they are unable to attend.
Post # 4
@blingbean: You’re better than me. If it’s been over a week past the deadline, and even after you’ve contacted them, they still are saying, “We’ll let you know….” I’d let them know that it’s past the deadline and then we can no longer reserve their seat at the wedding as the entree selection were required by _________.
Post # 5
I totally understand! Our RSVP date was July 23 and we had people changing their minds until August 19. Actually, someone tried to say they could come on August 24, but we said no because we had just paid the balance due to the caterers.
And of course, no apology, just a guilt trip like we’re being totally strict because “It’s a buffet right? Can’t you just slide a few more people in there? Can’t they just add another chair to one table? How hard is that?”
Ugh. So glad THAT’S over. Hang in there!
Post # 6
People can be so rude- I hope they get late responses when they’re planning their own wedding!
@Lida, those comments would have my blood boiling!
Post # 7
Maybe you can still work on seating charts, just lump all the stragglers together. They all have something in common, right? And if you come late to the show, you don’t get the good seats.
Post # 8
@sassypants: I did notice that my few young, married friends were the first to reply. They must have gone through the same crap themselves!
Post # 9
Blah. I so don’t miss that part. I found calling worked out the best. I called everyone I was missing and then told them if I didn’t hear back by <insert date>, I was going to mark them down as a “no.” I think I gave an extra 2 or 3 days if I had to leave a message and then didn’t budge. They had 5/6 weeks with the invite by that point.
I remember calling one of my uncles to get his RSVP and the RSVP for my cousin (his daughter). He then told me he thought I knew what the plan was (that he was flying up for the wedding). Ummm…no, how could I know that unless he told me or sent in the RSVP? I then asked about my cousin and he then told me, “Didn’t you know she has to work that weekend?” How am I suppose to know this stuff? They live out of state and they didn’t send back their RSVPs!
Post # 10
@kerensa: lol, this made me laugh
Post # 11
@kerensa–that’s what i told my mom! we will leave them at a straggler’s table that has no centerpiece/other decorations and serve them all the vegetarian entree bc it’s the cheapest :).
we actually had one invitee, this little old lady who was a friend of my parents’ where we used to live, who kept insisting that she could come but wouldnt’ RSVP. my mom finally called them yesterday and it turns out the lady is having a hip replacement the WEEKEND before, and even so she was like, well maybe i can hire a shuttle from the airport and hire an aide to sit with me. suddenly the lady’s husband grabbed the phone and was like, “I am really sorry Mrs. X, but we can’t come. My wife wants to go so badly that she can’t bear to RSVP no, but she is virtually incontinent and will likely be confined to a hospital bed at the time of the wedding, and I am wheel-chair bound as is.” My mom was like “Ok….thanks for your honesty….”
Anyway, my militaristic RSVP scrounging tactics (ie what @julies1949 suggested) seem to have paid off. I lied to a bunch of people and said I had to submit final numbers to the caterer yesterday. Now I’ll just wait a week or two to see if any cancellations crop-up before I *actually* submit the numbers :).
Post # 12
I’m in the same boat. RSVP date was 8/26 and we’ve emailed/called 34 couples that we didn’t get an RSVP from. I read a lot of people who say, “Oh, if they don’t RSVP, just assume they’re a “No.” That hasn’t been the case for us at all and of the people who have gotten in touch with us, ALL have been a “Yes” except for three. We’re still waiting to hear from 7 couples….it’s getting really annoying. We’re giving them until Friday and then “Sorry, but we’ve reached capacity and don’t have anymore room”….which is actually the truth.
Post # 13
I had someone call me the week before the wedding to tell me she couldn’t come after she had RSVP’d yes b/c she had a baby shower for her cousin that day. We were less than amused. I don’t care if you can’t come…just tell me so I don’t waste my money! we just got her save the date in the mail. My husband told me that we should RSVP and then cancel the week before.