Post # 1
so i’m newly engaged to the love of my life yipeeeee, couldn’t be any happier than i am right now, except for one issue- my family, they do not approve of my engagement, and I even overheard my mom saying she couldn’t be happy for me, ever. My Dad being the unbackboned human that he is, did not stand up for me, and just sat there and took what my mom had to say.
I guess I don’t know what to do anymore, my parents and I have always been close, but this is definitely going to tear us apart, which is not what I want, but I am madly in love, and want to spend the rest of my life with my now fiance :D.
How can I get my mother’s approval, which is oh so important to me because of our closeness..
Post # 3
That’s a shame. It sounds they’re going to have to just deal with it since it’s not their choice.
ETA – Do they not like him or not like you getting engaged at all?
Post # 4
@redheadem: they are not the biggest fans of him, that I know, but this for me was the icing on the cake to make feel completely disowned by them.. but thats just my feelings towards it all.. He also bought me a car yesterday which i know my Mom is going to flip her lid on.. and yes I am an adult, but an adult still living at home that has to deal with my parents on a contstant basis that is until I move out
Post # 6
You need to sit down and talk with her just you two and figure out her issue then sit down with everyone…
Post # 7
Why don’t they approve of your engagement? And why don’t they like your FI? I think knowing more details will help us give better advice.
Post # 8
@discodance: My mom doens’t seem to like that fact that he didn’t go to university after highschool, she thinks it’s completely necessary in todays world (I am still in university myself). I think her issue is she doesn’t want me to go down the same path as her and my dad, living pay cheque to pay cheque, having to worry about money, but with my chosen career path I won’t have to worry about that (veterinary medicine) I have an excellent head on my shoulders and know a lot more about life then my mom gives me credit for. She seems afraid to see me grow up and become an adult.
She also says that he doesn’t have goals in life, and he does, he has told me, but not her, which pisses her off cause she likes to know everything, she is never happy with just knowing that yes he does have goals. She thinks he is unmotivated, takes advantage of me, doesn’t know what he wants in life. And none of it is true. She doesn’t see how happy I am.
My mom wants to live vicariously through me, forces me to do things I don’t always want to do. I spent $6000 at school when I didn’t even want to be there, I was doing it because she wanted me to, because she basically forced me to.
Post # 9
That’s a tough one. Would spending more time with your Fiance make her like him better? Maybe if she got to know him more it would help her accept him.
Post # 10
Are you ok with moving forward without your mother’s approval? Sometimes that approval never comes and you have to make a choice between your family and your Fiance.
Post # 11
I’m guessing you’re also quite young. And does your Fiance have a good job, good decent pay?
Post # 12
I am sorry your mom is not approving of your engagement but I am sure what if she see’s how happy you are with him and he is good to you, she will come around.
The best to you sweetie!
Post # 13
Sorry to hear that. Every mother just wants the best for her daughters. I could see my mom having the same concerns as yours. Honestly, she did about past bfs and she ended up being right. Not to say she is right in this case, but she will come around eventually if you tell her how happy you are. She is probably just concerned because you sound like you are young, too. My mom would be less inclined to say things like that to me now that I am older, but she never tried to hold it back when I was younger. Good luck and enjoy your engagment! 🙂
Post # 14
@eyates: I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this. I am in a somewhat similar situation but with my Future Father-In-Law (his family is Jewish, I’m not and he doesn’t accept our relationship and probably wont come to the wedding).
This may be hard to hear but in the end you have to do what makes you happy. You are an adult and no one should be dictating what your life should be. I could see if your fiancee was a drug dealer, convict, etc. (which I’m assuming he’s not lol) but your mom needs to come to terms with the fact that you are an adult and are moving down your own path in life.
The big question is are you willing to move forward without your mom’s approval? Because in the end you have to be prepared for the fact that it may never come. I’m not trying to scare you and she may well come around, but just be prepared for the scenario that she may not.
I think you need to sit down and have a serious conversation with her. Reaffirm with her that you love her and respect her immensely, but that you are an adult and have found true happiness and that you are going to pursue that happiness. Let her know that while she is entitled to her opinion, you also view her support as very important to you and would be hurt in the long run if she continues to push your fiancee away. The key to this conversation is to be firm but calm and diplomatic, so she’s sees it as you reaching out and not attacking her.
After that I would give her time to cool off a bit before talking to her again. See what she does – not to excuse her words or behaviour, but some people give off a negative sort of shock reaction when they first hear news of big changes. Let her cool off a bit.
My fiancee is dealing with this issue too and is finding it very hard. He sticks up for our relationship and is going forward whether his entire family comes or no one comes to the wedding, but it is very tough for him. I feel for you wanting to have the support of people who are the most important in your life. Good luck!
Post # 15
Hmm well if you do go through with the engagement and wedding, your parents could cut you off (worst case scenario). Be sure that you two can support yourselves before pissing off your parents too much!
Post # 16
I’m sure it’s not what you want to hear, but in my experience, when friends and family don’t like/approve of your SO, there is often a good reason that we fail to see ourselves because we are too close to the situation. Not always obviously, but I’ve seen it enough times that if my family didn’t like a man I was dating, I would think twice.