Post # 1
A little while after I got engaged, I asked 5 girls to be my bridesmaids, and one guy to be a “bridesman.” At the time, my fiance and I were sure he would have enough guys to ask as groomsmen. Well, as it turns out, he doesn’t anymore. He now only has his bestman, and possibly his cousin, who he has not yet asked and is not all that close to. Should I:
a) unask all of my bridesmaids/bridesman except my maid of honor. This way the two parties would be even.
b) unask bridesmaids/bridesman except my maid of honor and one bridesmaid. My fiance would then ask his cousin to stand up for him, thus having 2 on both sides.
c) Do nothing and have 6 people on my side and 2 on his.
d)other, explain below
Post # 3
There is absolutely NO one he can ask? I mean, nooooo one? Even one more person would even it out a bit. Cousins, parents, grandparents?
Even if there’s not, I feel like that’s kind of a bad reason to unask people–you can’t really do that. I guess it’s just a lesson in waiting until you’re fully prepared to ask everyone… but seriously, I would so not worry about the unevenness! You asked the ones you wanted to be there for you, and you care about them enough to have them up there, so keep them! 🙂
Good luck! I know wedding stuff like this can be sooo frustrating…
Post # 4
I’m going to vote for no unasking. Our wedding party is uneven and I wouldn’t have it any other way. We asked everyone in it because they are our closest friends and family and we feel so special to have them. I think it’s a little extreme to unask people after they’ve already agreed, unless you really think they personally would be better off.
Post # 5
I don’t think this is a nice reason to “unask” people.
Can your “bridesman” be on his “side”? I’m a personal believer that you don’t have to have your own people on your “side” – for example, two of my male cousins are groomsmen even though they are not related to FI.
I say move the “bridesman” to be a groomsman and then you have 5 and 3 which is fine.
Post # 6
To 2nd Cinema’s point, my brother had our uncle in his wedding party to make it even. Not because he was super close with him. My uncle was more than happy to oblidge.
Post # 7
I think it’s perfectly fine to have an uneven bridal party.
Also, I second the suggestion of having your bridesman stand with the groomsmen. One of my guy friends will be standing on my FI’s side. That should help balance it out a little for you.
I wouldn’t unask anyone.
Post # 8
I am generally of the opinion that un-asking bridesmaids is ok if they have been disrespectful of your relationship, mean about the wedding, or done something else horrible. In this case, it seems like the only issue is that you have too many, and honestly, it’s not a great reason to start un-asking. You risk hurting a lot of feelings for no reason.
A lot of people have uneven wedding parties these days, so I think you should go for that. I understand 6 vs. 2 is a bit extreme, but honestly, this is why everyone says not to ask wedding party right away! What about having your “bridesman” stand up on the groom’s side? That way it will be 3 vs. 5, which won’t look ridiculously uneven. We are having my brother as a groomsman even though it’s really me who is asking him to stand up with us.
Post # 9
yeah, i agree with the asking your “bridesman” to be a groomsman. my friend had a best guy friend that she knew since childhood and instead of asking him to be a “bridesman” she just had him be a groomsman. also, i’m asking my fiance to include 3 of my cousins as groomsmen even though i am the one who wants them up there. i would definitely not unask people, that sounds like it could get really hairy and really offend people.
Post # 10
Thanks everyone for the advice! I am going to keep all of my bridesmaids and ask my bridesman to be a groomsman!
Post # 11
I think you can also have family members as groomsmen. My husband’s best man was his dad which was actually really sweet because his grandpa was best man for his dad.
Post # 12
I say just leave it as is. Wedding parties don’t have to be even. Asking your friends to step down would cause some serious hurt.
Post # 13
I’m choosing other. Have him ask his cousin and have your bridesman stand on his side. That way you have 4 and 3.
Post # 14
I always liked bridal parties that were uneven…it gives the appearance you guys picked who you really wanted to be in the wedding and not just matching sides.
Post # 15
- Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay
glad you made a decision, mlglass! the hive rushes to the rescue again!
Post # 16
i’m having to do this as well. i’m just asking two bridesmaids to be “honorary” they’ll still be in some portraits and still wear a basic color but they won’t stand with us. they will also be mentioned in hte program, and i will be giving htem corsages