Post # 1
I got engaged in March of this year and so far it has been the most uncomfortable expeirence of my life. It wasn’t even a week after how people started commenting on how I wasn’t being flashy with my ring (like I was supposed to be?) and that I needed to get a shirt declaring to the world I’m getting married. My first thought was if people cared about my relationship status they would know. Secondly, why would strangers care and lastly are you just supposed to change your personality because you have a ring? I’m not used to having people pay this much attention to me and it makes me feel so awkward like I’m a circus act. I’ve always been a female with many male friends and didn’t get along with girls because I didn’t like being flashy or having to care what people thought of me. I even finished off my high school with some homeschooling and then went for my GED becuase I didn’t like being around the pressure of havingto conform to this idea of how girls should feel and act. It is like I’m not social but I do have a every clear line of what I consider personal and I do not like people forcing themselves past that. I am 22 business owner who has no prolem talking in frint of a group of people wether it be my employees or clients, but I just can’t seem to get through this process without feeling like I’m going to crack. My wedding is a year away and people are already telling me that “i need to get over” not wanting to do a lot of dancing. I’m not a dancer and my fiance is an introvert and doesn’t like dancing either so we are having lawn games and the party animals can stay inside on the dance floor.
Point is, does anyone have any advice for me because next time someone expects that I only want to talk about a party (not the fact that we are vowing, in witness of God and family, to be bound for life) or tell me I need to act more like a “normal” bride I may slap someone.
Post # 2
leniluu: Tell them words to the effect of, “This is our wedding and we’d like to do it our way”. And if they press the issue, “When you get married you can do that”. As for dancing: we didn’t have dancing either, but fortunately that is fairly common in Australia.
Given the choice between conforming and doing it your way, I vote to almost always do it your way. My wedding wasn’t perfect (though it was wonderful!) but at least I did it my way and the mistakes were all mine.
Post # 3
aussiemum1248 + 1
And if they keep pressing, I just say “Maybe next time” and watch that register…
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
HOnestly, you are taking people way too seriously. Laugh these comments off! No one can make you do anything you don’t want to, so why stress about it?
Plan the wedding you want and do it your way.
Post # 5
It isn’t so much planning is my problem. I’ve done it all by myself only asking my fiance’s opinion. I make a choice and do the depoosit before anyone has a chance to say what they want. It is more that people are expecting me to be giddy and wanting to be the center of attention, which made dress shopping awkward too.
Post # 6
I know what you mean about people expecting you to be mega excited and hyper about EVERYTHING! Then when you’re not people think it’s because you don’t want to get married and start worrying about you. All I can suggest is to ignore it as you won’t stop people being like this and try to remember that they are just excited for you and don’t mean anys harm.
I’m confused about the whole being flashy with your ring part though…what does that even mean?!
Post # 7
leniluu: It’s totally cool to do things EXACTLY how you want to do them. I agree that it’s tough being so giddy and barfy happy all of the time and it does sting a bit when people are like, “aren’t you excited?” For me, I am excited but there are many other emotions at play too. I would just keep doing what you are doing by you and your FI making choices and deposits independently and leave it at that.
prahajess was right too. Try to let that stuff that bothers you roll off your back a bit more. I’m sure they are trying to be happy and supportive but it’s just not translating well enough to your liking.
Post # 8
- Wedding: A very pretty church.
leniluu: I feel you ladybro, people were grabbing my hand all over the place and asking ridiculously specific questions about things I have more than a year to decide (and don’t care) about. I have found it super uncomfortable. The way I have tried to look at is they are either a) wedding crazy people who are super excited about any possible wedding ever…so I shouldn’t take it personally or b) trying to be polite. I think that split is 1:9, most people don’t really care, they’re just making all the socially acceptable polite interest noises.
Post # 9
Thank you all so much for the replies. When I get frustrated I totally don’t remember to recognize where other people are coming from. Next time I’ll gently remind them that I’m not outwardly emontional and more of an analytical decision maker.
Post # 10
jpbee: what I meant about the ring was that many of the women in my life kept bugging me that I didn’t show it off enough. My mother got to the point of grabbing my hand for me to show people that hadn’t noticed. Mean I love my ring. It is 1.5 Ct oval cut with two rounded trillions on the sides but I felt like shoving it down people’s throats was weird. Like I was trying to bring more attention just to the fact I had a ring not to “me”.
Post # 11
- Wedding: October 2014 - Disney
This is your wedding and your relationship. You are not a TV show nor do you have to entertain people’s morbid curiousity by being relationship entertainment for them. You dont want dancing dont do it :). We aren’t doing it. We are doing dinner with fireworks instead. People can be creepers just ignore them.
Post # 12
- Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016
Not all women are “flashy” or “care about what other people think of them”, and I think your inability to be friends with them is more your narrow, close-minded view of them as opposed to your “opposing interests”. As other people have said, those who are bugging you are probably just excited since it’s new. They’ll wind down, especially if you brush it off as no big deal.
Post # 13
TwinkleBoss: I’m sorry if somehow this offended you but the point of the post wasn’t to knock all other women who do enjoy this process and having everyone pay attention to them. It was to get advice for myself who doesn’t enjoy it. I do have some girlfriends…it isn’t like I’m anti female. I grew up in a place that it does matter what people think of you and people always focused on the materialistic part of that. I’m just a person who liked things that were more simplistic and private. So in my defense there is nothing wrong with not getting along with the people that I didn’t feel comfortable doing things they enjoyed. I found friends that my personality meshed well with.
Post # 14
leniluu: Ah I understand now, I agree that isn’t something I would do too. If people ask about my ring I show them but I wouldn’t bring it up first and make a point of showing it off! That would be awkward. As you say it doesn’t mean you don’t like you’re ring! Hope you’re feeling a bit better avout everything now.
Post # 15
leniluu: Check out A Practical Wedding blog. Lots of women like you.
PS- we had a lunch reception so there wasnt any dancing. You can have a great wedding (and wonderful marriage) without all the dancing LOL