- 3 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015
So, I would like opinions. My now FI and I have been together for three years. We come from very different families and it’s still been difficult to really feel like I belong in his family. I know I am happy with him and that he’s my soul mate and we are happy together, but I really don’t get along with his mom much. She proudly calls herself a redneck, smokes like a chimney, and is drunk nearly 24/7. You never know exactly what she is going to say, one day she says she loves me, the next she accuses me of taking away her precious, “sunshine” (she’s very dependent on her kids).
Anyways, my issue is, I don’t call anyone but my own parents “Mom” and “Dad.” That’s how I was raised, they are my parents. Well my FMIL has been causing drama since the day I met her because I call her by her first name and not, “Mom.” I just don’t want to call her that. She hasn’t been a mom to me, she makes her own kids pay rent, she doesn’t push her kids to strive to be better or get educations, only to work full time minimum wage jobs because it’s “good enough.” I’ve been pushed my whole life to be the best I can be and I’ve accomplished a lot with the help of my parents’ pressure and love. I’ve gotten the highest scores in the state on tests for school, got accepted in the most competitive program at college on my first try immediately out of high school, and I plan to continue on with college for another several years after I graduate this year with my AS in Nursing. My FMIL thinks that my education is a waste of time and that I’m a “ritzy B**ch” for having such goals. I work my you know what off to accomplish my goals and she seems to be the only person that doesn’t care.
So yeah, I don’t like calling her mom. I only have one mom and she isn’t her. I still am civil to her and try to show her I care. I will give her a hug whenever I leave and tell her I do love her. On Christmas she threw an absolute tantrum that I wrote her name on the present I gave her and not mom and she about called of Christmas because of it. I really think she is overreacting. I’ve tried to reason with her and tell her I was raised to only call my own mother mom, but since my FMIL is so often intoxicated, it never seems to sink in.
Another example of her behavior, the night my FI proposed to me we went to try to show her the ring. She insulted me because it was too big and gaudy and flashy. Then she went on about how all of her kids are leaving her, I stole her sunshine (he’s 23, I mean really. Cut the unbillical cord) and just complaining about her previous marriage 20 years ago and how her mother wanted a boy instead of her… etc. After she got done venting, she said “Well congrats on getting engaged but you better start calling me mom now.” I just had to roll my eyes after I left the room….
My FI doesn’t call my parents mom or dad, just by their first names and they don’t care, I don’t see why his mother does.
Can I get your opinions? Do you think my FMIL is blowing things out of proportion? Is it wrong that I just call her by her name? Have you ever experienced this before?