Uncomfortable calling FIL's "Mom" and "Dad"…

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 5
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Yeah, you’re under zero obligation.  I’m in the same boat, though no one has corrected me.  We’re on a first name basis, and I think that’s how it’ll be until we have kids and I can refer to them as grandma and grandpa. 

Post # 6
Member
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@crisy003:  Yuck. I will NEVER call my FMIL Mom. Because she isn’t my mother, and she hasnt been a great one to FH either, TBH. I call her by her first name and that’s it.

Post # 8
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I say just do what feels comfortable to you.

Post # 9
Member
3077 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I wouldn’t either. My FMIL is nice & all, and she did a great job co-raising my SO…but she’s not my mom. I can’t fathom ever calling her mom. I have one. She’s amazing and I would feel disrespectful by just throwing that title to someone else.

Stand your ground! Good luck =)

Post # 10
Member
279 posts
Helper bee

@crisy003:  I think it doesn’t matter how awful or nice she is, if you don’t feel comfortable you don’t have to call her mom. You don’t have to make excuses. Your FI needs to talk to his mom and tell her to cut it out. 

Post # 11
Member
1952 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’ve referred to his parents by first name since I met them. There hasn’t been a problem yet.

Post # 12
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee

If you are not comfortable with it, don’t do it.  Stand your ground Bee.

Post # 13
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I love my FMIL, but I am with you on feeling wildly uncomfortable with the idea of calling anyone but *my mom* mom.

It sounds here like there’s a lot of her own drama underneath the demand- she doesn’t feel like a very good mother, like you accept her, or like she’s respected (it sounds like with good reason) and lacking the insight or communication skills to deal with that, she’s just papering it over with this insistence on the title. That’s a rough situation to be in, but maybe you can take some comfort in the realization that even if you caved and started calling her “mom” today, she would still feel the same way (because the reality of her life wouldn’t have actually changed) and her unhappiness would find another expression, probably in an even crazier or less addressable demand.

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