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I would send my regrets and wish her happy in her new marriage. I would then be sure to invite her ex husband out to dinner with other mutual friends for that weekend. I personally do not see how you can call her your friend when you obviously dislike the person she has become since that time. It sucks because you are a losing a friend, but sometimes I believe you better off without people like that in your life.
just politely decline. I know you wanna tell her all about herself, but, take the high road.
I don't see anything wrong with not attending a wedding in which you do not support the union of the bride and groom!
Just politely decline, be the better person, if you're still friends with the ex, this is even more important, good luck! :)
I would just decline (no elaborate explanation needed) and send her some kind of generic greeting card. I definitely would not attend the wedding or send a gift--she sounds horrible!
Wow--I am in shock about her behavior!
I agree with Chela429 that you should send her your regrets (and not attend) and wish her well with a card. After all, you said she is still your friend, right? Of course you want her to be happy in her NEW marriage, even if she acted inappropriately with respect to her first marriage and wedding. And I think it is perfectly fine not to send a gift to her, given the circumstances. It seems that sending only a card would be a good compromise, one that accounts for your concerns aboth about her previous marriage and also about being her friend.
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Wow, that's a crazy story! Honestly, if I were in that situation I would decline the invite. And here's why: 1)You said she's your friend but you don't talk much and you really don't like her as a person. That doesn't sound like a "real" friend to me... 2)You don't support this marriage. and 3)That's a seriously huge wedding!
Don't feel bad about declining. If she is really your friend, she will understand that she put you in an uncomfortable situation (since you're still friends with her ex). And if she complains about it, she probably isn't that great of a friend anyway. You don't have to be mean about it, but you don't have to feel guilty about declining either. It's perfectly fine to respectfully, and politely, say "no" on the RSVP. And don't send a card out of pity either. You could just write a little note on the RSVP card saying, "We'll be unable to attend. Good luck with your wedding." and leave it at that. You shouldn't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.
Politely decline.
I am not being snarky, but if she is this kind of person why do you call her a friend? I'd run far from a person that behaves as such out of personal integrity and because I would never want people associating me with that kind of behavior.
As she is a friend, perhaps it would be wise to tell her that her actions are inappropriate. Being that she's does this before, someone should say something
Wow. This has elicited that reaction A LOT. I think she's a self-centered person with serious issues. She didn't return the gifts?? WTF?? And now she's inviting MORE people? She just wants...MORE GIFTS. Sad. I would just check the decline box, no explanation, no card, no nothing. She isn't the kind of person you want to stay in touch with, that's a TOXIC personality!
i agree- you should definitely decline. but i think you should still send a gift.
oh! i know!
how about a book on etiquette? 
Yeah no go. What a drama queen! Send a card or something generic. Not worth any monetary value for sure. She got her gift. If she wanted something else she should have returned your first one and not been such a crazy person!
Wow..my xh remarried within DAYS of our divorce and became a dad again 3 mos later. Except for his business partner, her parents, his parents (enablers) and their immediate family NOBODY gave them a gift at their "wedding" (use the term loosely).
I too am shocked at her behavior.
My question is why would you include in your circle of friends somebody who has such a flippant attitude about marriage and didn't even respect mutual friends enought to return their wedding gifts?
She sounds terribly selfish. I'm an encore bride to be, and I can't say I think this encore wedding has much hope..it's foundation is on quicksand...cheating and deception.
I today, have NO PROBLEM telling somebody if I do not wish to attend something and I definitely WOULD NOT WANT TO GO AND SUPPORT A UNION LIKE THIS. Nope. No way in heck.
For me, simply BEING there is like saying it's ok what they did and that you're GOOD WITH IT..and that the collateral damage (her poor xh and all the people she disrespected by not giving back their gifts) do not matter.
I have never had to cut out a friend in my life until this week..but maybe it's time you did too.
Just politely decline with no explanation. Please do not send a gift, as she had no class the first time around. You are under no obligation to go and I sure would not!
wow, people actually do that? I can't understand someone who would purposefully get married when they know they're more interested in someone else. What a waste of time and money (and precious years of your life!).
Anyways, like the other commentors, I think you should politely decline. Maybe she really likes attention - she's obviously asking for more attention the second time around.
Wow, how awful! It's so hard to be friends with people who do such bad things. I have a coworker who puts it this way: "i'll come to your first, but you only get one". As in, he only goes to his friends' first weddings unless there's a valid reason to go to the second because, as he says, he has lots of friends who have done the wedding thing many, man times. And I don't think your friend has a valid reason.
I'd just send her a cheap Hallmark note that says, "Congrats" and nothing inside. She doesn't deserve a gift or money, so don't feel guilty about it. She lacks class. I'd be surprised if that many people show up to her second wedding consider how atrociously she behaved following the first. If you feel this way, surely a chunck of her family feels this way, and will take into consideration HER lack of manners from the first wedding, barely 2 years ago!
Geesh, the nerve of some people! My philosophy is: you don't go to a wedding if you aren't truly happy for the bride and groom.
Just when I think people can't get any worse....., like really? A person like this really exists? Wow.
Roddy Bride but it best- just decline. I'm sure you wont be the only one out of the original 300 that will check that box
Be gracious and send a card with your congratulations- no gift is necessary. This couple cannot possible have 500 close friends and relatives- she is inviting everyone she has ever met. Don't feel obligated to send a gift, especially since she never sent out thank you notes last time!
Yeah, I'm not offering anything new here but definitely decline. No explanation is necessary. If she doesn't understand why and asks you, then be honest with her. I agree this sounds like a terribly toxic personality! I've known and had friends like this before and no good comes out of it.
oh wow, I'm at a loss for words.......Politely decline and then distance yourself as far as possible from this person, you don't need that type of drama in your life.
Well as far as second weddings go, I think it's the situation. I know all my friends and family are 100 percent happy for us and know we both deserve the best and all the love in the world after what both T and I went thru. We met each other long after divorcing and both of our x's did some awful stuff.
To me, going to an encore wedding is fine..but I won't go to a wedding where it's say the fourth..and T and I? The only way we're getting out of this (what we jokingly say) is in a pine box!!! lol!!! It's forever..
For me, the PERSON and their life circumstances would dictate how I felt about their marriage. If my friend was marrying for the first time a total jerk, I wouldn't want to go and would let her know how I felt. If it was like this girl did and cheated before they could even get to the honeymoon, I'd probably have called her the second they returned and asked for my $ back for the damn present.
I remember back in college one of my best guy friends married a girl..she had cheated on her prior boyfriend, who happened to be my college boyfriend's younger brother. I remember telling L that I worried that S would do the same thing to him...after all the old saying goes "if they'll do it WITH you, they'll do it TO you"...he ignored me. 3 years later he walked in on her with their neighbor from down the street. We all tried to warn him. He remarried a good friend of ours from college and everybody was thrilled and happy and they had a lovely encore wedding and are happy to this day.
I'm definitely in agreement with the other ladies here -- DECLINE. It honestly doesn't sound like she's going to take this marriage any more seriously than she did the last one. And I really wouldn't feel comfortable celebrating this union if she were my friend.
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Plain and simply I would personally decline, but I also probably wouldn't be friends with someone like that because I wouldn't want someone like that in my life.
Wow. She has a LOT of nerve. This made me sick to my stomach to read it.
I agree with the other suggestion to not only decline, but take out her ex husband and do something really special with him and some other friends.
I can only imagine what he must be feeling. It just breaks my heart!
I have to ask... WHY ARE YOU STILL FRIENDS WITH HER? You sound like a very reasonable normal person and well, she does not. I would not attend and if she asks (though it sounds like she's a very selfish person & wouldn't bother asking any way) use this as an opportunity to express your disapproval in her value of the meaning of marriage.
Politely decline and wish her the best. That would be your best option!
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I 100% agree with pp. Just decline and with her happiness, but probably nothing more.
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I'm at a loss for words... Help me, please...
I was recently invited to the second wedding of a friend of mine. We aren't really close, she isn't one of my best friends, but we are friends, none-the-less.
I have a MAJOR issue with this wedding. She was married for the first time in 2007. As she was having pictures taken for her first wedding, she was text messaging another man. At her reception, she got drunk and punched the groom in the face. She also wouldn't let the groom (her new husband) spend the night with her in their hotel room, screaming that he didn't love her.
Fast forward a week and they are on their honeymoon. She wouldn't leave their hotel room. She spent her entire week and a half honeymoon sitting in a hotel room because she didn't want to spend any time with her new husband. She returns from her honeymoon and proceeds to move in with the man that she was text messaging before her wedding, while starting the procedure for getting a divorce. She was "married" all of two and a half weeks. She didn't return a single gift to the givers, never wrote a thank you, anything. In fact, she posted pictures on the internet of her hanging wedding gifts up in the new apartment with her new boyfriend.
Since this wedding, we haven't talked much. I think her behavior was incredibly innappropriate and rude, and that she owes many people an apology. Then last week I get an invitation in the mail to this second wedding, to the man she was with during her first wedding. I was a little perplexed that she would be having a big ceremony and reception again, since her first one left such a bad taste in everyone's mouth. Turns out this one is actually bigger than her first wedding! The first wedding had 300 people invited, while she is inviting over 500 people.
I don't feel comfortable going to this wedding. While I am still friends with her, I am also friends with her ex-husband. I had to watch him go through a terrible heartbreak (even though he had an idea of what was going on). I honestly don't even want to send a card congratulating her. So why do I feel so bad about not doing either?
What would you do in this situation?