- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
Ok bees, bear with me, this may be long — so FI & I are getting married June 2014 — and when we first met 4 years ago, FI introduced me to a family friend of his that is also a minister. When I met the man, we clicked & he was really outgoing/laid back & we never spoke about religion. So fast forward to now… We just had our first pre-marital counseling session today. I am left feeling uncomfortable, conflicted, & like I am not being true to myself.
My impression of pre – marital counsel would be talking about FI & I’s relationship, how to deal with hard times, & how to create a strong bond that lasts through the years. It was everything BUT that today. I felt so uncomfortable, I actually was getting anxiety sitting there listening to everything. A little background is that FI & I arent religious people. We are unsure about whether there is a higher being, etc, etc… but we do not attend church, we do not talk about god & pray/ stuff like that… So basically when this minister/family friend told us everything today I was feeling bombarded & confused because I know my FI doesnt believe everything he was saying. What the minister said today in a nutshell is:
*If you dont connect/have a relationship with god, you are going to hell or “damned”
*Hell is forever being torchured and it never ends
*To know god, you have to know the bible through & through
*God is FACT, not belief
*The worlds morality is plumetting, so god will take his people up with him & destroy the earth with all the non-believers
*If you are NOT Christian, you are going to hell
*Any other religions are simply not true
So basically, he said if I were to walk out on the sidewalk TODAY & get hit by a car/die, that I would be going to hell because I do not have a fellowship with the lord. Well, that was comforting! (he didnt SAY that, but from what he was preaching today, its basically the sum of things)
I asked him what about just being a good person? He said it doesnt matter if you arent a friend of the lord. So this goes on & on… So heres the kicker or the backstory on this minister…
Years ago he was into some bad stuff, drug dealing, serious things like this & was sentenced to 98 years in PRISON. He said he immediately hit rock bottom & starting studying the bible/finding his relationship with god… He also began appealing his convictions & trying to get released from prison to get home to his family… He said he appealed for 8 years to no avail, & one day he was in his cell on his knees praying & god told him to drop the appeal, so he did. He tells us he wrote a letter to the prosacutor explaining he had formed a fellowship with the lord & whatnot, and he said 3 days later, he got a response he was getting out of prison on early release. So he calls himself a “born again christian”
So this all probably sounds bat shit crazy… And when I read it, Im like WHAT.THE.HELL? If you met this guy, you would NEVER suspect he had been a felon, or that he is super religious — He just seems like a normal easy going family friend.
So bees, here is my issue…. I do not feel like I am being true to myself if I let him take our wedding ceremony over with a christian service. I am not christian per-say… and neither is FI. We are not religious people… so why would we just act like that to please his family friend? The issue is, FI isnt assertive enough to tell him that this isnt who we are… for fear of being offensive or shunned. & When I tried to explain to FI tonight, he got a bit defensive. He admitted that if any other minister/counselor tried to tell us about the bible, he would have been totally against it — but since this guy has been a family friend for years, hes okay with it. My fear is not being WHO.I.AM. & just going along with something I dont believe in my heart. Its MY wedding day, and about OUR love, not god. I want to stand up there and look into FI’s eyes and focus on US, not worry about how religious the ceremony will be and how hypocritical things are.
What do I do bees? I have a feeling FI is going to get really defensive because he would rather let this one go, while I just dont feel authentic inside… HELP!!