Uncomfortable With Ring Cost

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I think $10k is a lot but I know a number of people who have really expensive engagement rings and love them.  Just make sure to get it insured ASAP.  What I would feel more uncomfortable with is that your FI’s parents paid for it and picked it out. 

 

Post # 4
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I wouldn’t want a ring that my DH didn’t pay for.  Sorry, that’s just my opinion.

Post # 5
Member
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

This is just my personal opinion, but I’d never accept a gift from FI that actually came from his mother.
Especially if it was the engagment ring, because I just (personally) find that very strange. Like, isn’t this supposed to be symbolic of us starting our lives together? Why is your mom buying part of it (and what does that symbolize)?
You can blame my ex for that mentality – every gift “he” gave me was actually purchased by his mother for me… he was a huge momma’s boy.
-end very personal opinion-

But I think you are just going to have to accept that this ring is a gift from multiple people, and because of that you will most likely piss off multiple people if you say no thank you to any part of it.
If it was just coming from your fiance, you could have sat down and had a talk.
But it’s not, so you run the risk of insulting your FIL’s, along with anyone they chose the vent to if your displeasure with the diamond ticks them off.

People wear expensive engagment rings like this all the time… insurance will help protect the ring.

 

Post # 6
Member
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If you’re ok with the fact that his parents are buying you an e-ring, the price doesn’t sound too obscene imo, esp for Boston.  Most people I know have rings easily 8-12k, and we’re definitely not households of 2 doctors.  So based on their affordability, 10k for a diamond sounds pretty reasonable.   

 

Post # 7
Member
4817 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

The part I woudln’t be comfortable with is that his parents bought it. Are you ok with that? In that situation I would have said we can either wait and save up, or borrow a small amount from them (<$2,000), buy a modest ring, and pay them back. My parents are both doctors, money is no issue and they help us out in some ways, but I would not be ok with parents buying the ring, especially for $10K.

Post # 9
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@nber0815:  if he can’t afford a ring for awhile on his own, I think you should just wait awhile.   Nothing you added really makes me feel any better about the fact they are paying for the ring.

Post # 11
Member
3373 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@nber0815:  sweetie, good for you to be a little creeped out by this.But it’s ok.

One thing to consider is that it may be a very nice quality diamond and setting, and that’s money well spent to get quality.

While I am not one who would spend money like that on a ring, I AM at the same stage of life as your FI’s parents and I know that there are certain things at this stage that are worth spending money on. Perhaps, to them, a nice ring is one of them.

Also it’s all relative, and $10,000 in the grand scheme of things, and probably in their circle, isn’t that much for a nice quality engagement ring.

Post # 12
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Well I’d just be greatful for it. That’s what insurance is for… I wouldn’t let the price tag discourage you.

I will admit I would feel iffy marrying a guy whose parents bought the engagement ring, though. But since you’re already in that situation, I would just accept the generous gift. It means they must really like you. And as you say, money is no object for them.

Post # 13
Member
3373 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@nber0815:  I’d be ok with my MIL choosing the ring in this situation, as you explained it, it makes sense. You want X shape of stone. She’s getting X shape of stone. Your FI doesn’t know anything about diamonds so he’s using his mom’s expertise (really, probably it’s her great interest in diamond shopping–who doesn’t like to go diamond shopping!)

If you aren’t picky about the setting she chooses, it will be fine.

Post # 15
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’d be uncomfortable too, FH and I are looking in the 1K range. I would have no problem with his mom helping since my FH is also clueless, but I wouldn’t want a 5K gift when it comes to a symbol of the 2 of us

Post # 16
Member
13010 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If he can’t afford the ring yet, how will you guys afford the wedding?  Will one of your parents be paying for that also?  I guess I don’t see the rush in getting engaged and borrowing money from his parents if all the other financial ducks aren’t in a row yet to move on to the wedding and all, unless you were planning to elope.

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