Post # 1
I’m posting to see if any others are in my situation. My fiance and I are in our early/mid 20’s, and living together since my first year of University. I’m currently finishing my MA Psych while he works full time. Money is tight due to me finishing school, so we are planning on waiting a year or so before having a wedding so that we can get our finances in order. He proposed approximately 1 year ago and we haven’t really had the “super excitement” engagement that we had expected, mainly because neither of us are marrying out of the home or the like. That’s okay with us, but it’s getting us on track towards an unconventional wedding. No engagement parties, no showers or anything like that will take place.
We aren’t expecting either parent to contribute (mine offered under the condition that we have the wedding where they want, and his is not contributing). His family is quite happy with anything we do, although his mom is really encouraging an elopement/destination wedding with just the two of us. My family is indifferent, although they request that we hold the wedding in our hometown (rural area with limited venues, eek!) and invite all of my family, which would make a guest list of over 150. The problem is that we simply cannot afford this.
In the past, one of my cousins had a wedding in a different city and invited only the very very close family. There was a bit of uproar about this as it wasn’t traditional in my family’s eyes. I’ve always been somewhat estranged from my own family due to leaving an abusive situation within the home at a young age. I feel as though having a very small wedding could possibly break these relationships, and only further alientate me. Now, this is getting way into family dynamics- I know that our wedding is a day for us, but I can’t stop this feeling of wanting to do what my family views as normal, and have a big party.
For those of you who chose to have a small wedding due to financial reasons, how did you handle inviting some but not others?
If anyone opted to please their families, how did you cut costs and still have a larger wedding?
Lastly, has anyone else been in a situation where only you and your fiance are involved in wedding planning? We’re completely on our own about this if we choose to go the “small” wedding route.
Post # 2
We are having a private ceremony and then a small wedding celebration, all by choice. If your parents want to include all of your family, then they should be footing the bill. If someone complains about your wedding size, just cite your financial approach. If you’re going to have a small wedding, make sure you methodically include/exclude people (e. g. only aunts and uncles, no cousins). It’s YOUR wedding; you have every right to make these decisions. Good luck!
Post # 3
Our wedding will be intimate as we’re inviting 38 people to the ceremony and 20 extra for the reception. That’s all we can afford as we’re paying for the wedding ourselves. I’ve always wanted a small wedding with just close family and friends. We’re not having a live band or DJ, just an ipod. I don’t mind because I’m just looking forward to getting married to my FI. I’m pretty much making most things myself and am saving lots of cash that way. It also feels more personalised and fun! Sometimes I get envious that other brides can afford massive weddings and decorations but I am happy with what we’ve planned so far for next June.
You will sometimes feel envious of what you can’t have, but it doesn’t matter because your day will be amazing anyway. Good luck! 🙂
Post # 4
If you want to keep the wedding small, pick a small venue. The capacity of the venue then dictates the guest list.
If you are open to a larger guest list, but want to keep the cost down, consider alternative receptions:brunch, tea and cake, BBQ, picnic etc are all perfectly valid ways to host your guests without the expense of a traditional dinner and dance.
Post # 5
TR3XO: Me and my FI are having civil ceremony at city hall with only immediate family. I am estranged from my abusive family as well so my mother and sister will not be attending (my father passed away a few years ago) My FI’s parents and sister will be in attendance as well as his nephews and two of our close friends. Afterwards, we are having a dinner reception at a restaurant near us where some more family and friends will join us. The party room only holds 30 people so as you can imagine many people will not be invited. My FI and I agreed on the guestlist together so if anyone is upset they were not invited its nothing personal we were just limited financially and space wise.
Again, your wedding should be about you and your FI. I wanted to handpick everyone that would be there. So that everyone there is someone I WANTED there. Not that I invited them out of obligation or pity. Do what feels right to you guys and enjoy yourselves!
I hope this helps. Best of luck!