Post # 1
Hello everyone! HELP!
I need some serious advice before I pull my hair out. I’m 23 and my fiance and I are getting married at the end of October. I’ve chosen my two best friends as bridesmaids and felt obligated to also choose my two older (by ten years) sisters. The only one of those four that is actually being helpful is one of my friends, the matron of honor. The other friend only texts me or comes over so she can complain about her on/off bf. She gets bored when I turn the convo to me and try to talk about wedding stuff.
My two sisters are being completely uncooperative and I’m contemplating asking them to step down. I’ve been trying to get them both together to go try on bridesmaid dresses for around three months now but no one can give me a specific day that works. One of them doesn’t even respond to my texts or calls (its been about a month of no contact.) I know this one has some jealousy issues because she’s been with her boyfriend for over 7 years now, she wants to get married and he’s stated several times that he’s against marriage. I know how she is and I know she won’t help with decorating the night before/day of either. I don’t think her own issues should make her resent this special time in her younger sisters life.
My other sister is a stay at home mom, of a one year old (who has a housekeeper and gardener, so she has PLENTY of time on her hands) and refuses to come to our house to help me with decorations because we have two dogs and she thinks they’re disgusting and she doesn’t want them around her baby. With that being said, I’m a student of veterinary technology so my dogs are VERY well taken care of – not disgusting at all and both are very well behaved. We also don’t have much money (whereas she and her husband do) because my fiance and I are both working-students and I get the feeling that she thinks we’re ‘beneath her level.’ She also said she won’t be able to attend the bachelorette party or arrive very early the day of for pictures because she doesn’t want to leave her baby for that long and she won’t be able to stay at the reception for more than an hour because of her baby also. Fyi, there is nothing medically wrong with her child, she’s just hovering and thinks if she step away from her, the baby will spontaneously combust. She has a husband and a mother-in-law that would gladly watch her. When I asked her about considering a baby-sitter for the day of, she actually said to me “I’m not going to forget I have a daughter just for your special day”<— what the hell, when did I ask her to do that?!
I’m getting beyond tired of holding everyone’s hand and babying them to try and get them to try on/order their dresses or help me. I have a TON of decorations to make, not to mention I barely know anything about weddings and could really use some help. I’m especially hurt that my sisters aren’t interested in being apart of this.
Could someone PLEASE give me some advice?
Post # 3
I have some advice…it may be harsh but SAVE YOUR SELF NOW AND DROP THOSE PEOPLE WHO YOU THINK ARE NOT GOING TO BE THERE FOR YOU NOW!!!!!! Before things get out of control…
I was a bridsmaid for a friend who Ichose her sister as Maid/Matron of Honor and watched her wedding crumble, she had NO bachlorette party because big sis basically sabotoged her. At every turn she was throwing things in the way and just letting her dismal feelings about life affect the whole mood and made things about HER awhen it should be about the BRIDE
I chose my sisters as MOHs and while things are finally coming together now, throughout the process I have dealt with sooooo much that i knew I would not have had to deal with Had i chosen a FRIEND…its not that i dont love or like myssisters…its just that some people dont understand how to let it be about someone else even for a minute and as a result allow their problems and insecurities to affect YOUR day…My sisters are Self Centered…loving but ultimately focused on themselves…this is why my MOHs have suggested date changes to make the wedding mor convienent, tried to change the wedding colors, tried to “force” me to have my bach party the night before my MORNING wedding, got mad when their “friends” werent at Bridal party events…the list goes on and on…
Please save yourself the heartache and handle this now…ask them if they are willing to do what YOU need them to do…not what they are wanting to do or what they THINK should be done. I advise you to have a sit down with the sister with the baby and explain exactly what you NEED from her and let her know that if she cant do it…its fine no love loss you will just have to find someone else because truth be told…you NEED your bridesmaids on the day off…all day period lol. As for the one who hasnt responded, id leave ONE more voicemail…just on the off chance it slipped her mind…no response from taht…then give her the ax too…sorry so harsh but eh ya know…
Hugs good luck to you!
Post # 4
We are date twins! I feel your pain, now is the time to get the dress, but a few of my Bridesmaid or Best Man aren’t very flexible with their schedule (even agreeing and then backing out later). I used meetingplanner.com to survey the girls on their schedule and set up the time that worked best for everyone. I set up a total of 2 appointments (several weeks apart). If someone was unable to make it to either, they just have to purchase a dress they never tried on (disclaimer, they agreed to this and recognized they are inflexible).
Since the two giving you problems are your sisters, can your mom or older female relative talk to them on your behalf?
Post # 5
I would tell them to give you their measurements b/c you are going to go ahead and order a dress that you picked out. That might get them in gear. Otherwise, there is nothing wrong with just taking your one friend who IS available and picking the dress with her.
Your sister doesn’t sound very nice. I’d probably tell her that she doesn’t have to do anything since it is too big of an inconvenience, she can just attend as a regular guest. I mean getting a dress and taking pics isn’t that hard. However, I wouldn’t expect anyone to help me with decorations- that may be asking too much.
Post # 6
Thanks for the advice, ladies!
Mrs. Wall2B, my sisters are both incredibly self-centered as well. I’m not asking much at all of them, just basic bridesmaid things and that seems to be like I’m asking them to rope the moon. Also, they too are trying to sabotoge things but they’ve been doing that my whole life so I shouldn’t have expected anything different now. Just the thought of asking them to step down makes me day-dream about the stress that will melt away.
KH, I would love to ask my mother to do so but unfortuneatly she hasn’t been involved either. She has her own issues and always thinks her problem are more important. My mother doesn’t even know what my colors are or where the reception is… it’s sad, really.
I’m going to wait another two weeks to see if they start stepping up and if not, they are gone. I don’t have many female friends but I’ll gladly ask my best guy friend to be one of my ‘maids’… something I hadn’t even thought of until I saw it on the message boards today.
Post # 7
I agree that the dress is definitely in their realm of responsibility. However, I have a different opinion of the rest. It would definitely be nice if your sister(s) stepped up and helped with the decorations and other projects that you have in mind, but really the only responsibilities that a bridesmaid has is to get the dress and stand by you at the wedding.
As for your sister with the 1 year old…. well I don’t know her entire situation, but my SIL barely had any time on her hands once my niece was born even though she had a gardener and housekeeper too. The thing about babies (especially first ones) is that they take a lot of time. You have feeding, napping, changing and probably a lack of sleep going on pretty much throughout the day. She probably doesn’t have nearly the spare time you think she does. As for the dog thing… that’s a parents perogative. Pets can add unusual dynamics to situations involving small children or infants. (And this is a dog lover speaking)
I can get that you aren’t happy with her desire to skip the pictures and leave the reception early. I’d be frustrated with that as well. I’d lay down your terms and just tell her outright that the pictures (at least) are a part of your requirements for being a bridesmaid, and if she can’t make it work, then you’ll understand but that she can’t be a bridesmaid.
I too, knew nothing of weddings when I planned mine. I learned! A great source is wedding forums like this one. Come to us with your questions, complaints, good stuff, bad stuff. The great part of a wedding forum is that EVERYONE on it is just as interested in weddings as you are! 🙂