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My sister (one of my MOHs) isn't 21, and it's been hard. She's my MOH -- I want her to be involved! You just have to be vocal about needing to include her and making sure that the event organizers know to include some things that you don't need to be 21 to enjoy. We're doing some stuff during the day and then going to dinner, and she can come to all of that. She'll just go home when we're going out to the bars. =(
There are lots of things you could do that could include somebody under 21, although they would be sort of nontraditional bachelorette. You could do a spa day, go to an amusement park, take a mini-cruise, rent a cabin for the weekend, rent a van and road-trip somewhere fun, go to a concert? Almost anything that isn't centered on bar-hopping and alcohol works - and those of you who are over 21 can still have some wine or beer as long as it's not the primary focus of the activity.
You didn't mention her age - just that she is under 21. If she is close to 21, can she borrow a friends ID who is 21+. I had to do that a few times (slight under-exaggeration) in college for bachelorette parties (or maybe just regular parties)... Now, if she is 12, clearly don't take my advice!
I don't drink, so at my bachelorette party, my BMs will be nice enough to work around that and doing things that don't revolve around traditional activities. I told them my ideal outing would be going to Disney (I live in Orlando) and ride the tea cups all day. Most likely, we'll end up having a sleep over.
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My cousin/bridesmaid is only 16 and cannot do a lot of typical bachelorette activities. So we're going to a karaoke bar (we got permission for her to go) and doing a spa day. I'm also taking a trip down to Orlando to go to the theme parks with everyone in my party (we have a vacation home there).
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I'm sure you'll be able to still include her in things: spa day, dinner, general girlie pampering, cooking classes, outdoor activity.
I would be a little leary of encouraging your underage BM to break the law. I would guess that her parents would be less than happy to come collect her from the jail if that went badly. Also, you and the over-21 BMs could be hauled in as well for providing alcohol to a minor, depending upon the circumstances.
We have a number of almost-21-year-olds on our guest list, and we are planning on specifically letting the bartender for our reception know that none of them are to be served. We are also passing the word that any of them caught with a drink will be escorted into a taxi at the door, with a phone call to their parents.
I know that you'll think we're a bunch of wet blankets enmoore, but it's just not worth the risk. The last thing I want is to have one of our friend's kids killed, injured, or arrested for drunk driving on the way home from our reception, or to have our bartender or possibly us - as we are providing the wine - arrested for providing alcohol to a minor. I know that's the last thing you think about when you slip the bartender your fake or borrowed ID, or get one of your 21-year-old friends to pass you a drink, but it's a very real possibility.
Where I grew up, it's not uncommon for members of the BP (or often, the bride herself) to be under 21. Spa days are always a blast, as are girl nights in-sleepovers, makeovers, etc. You could also do a fun outdoor activity-hiking, kayaking, etc., and then something like dinner and a movie that night.
The good thing about doing a spa day is you can do it right before the wedding instead of the traditional bachelorette party and not worry about being hungover for the photos.
My favorite get together that I saw (all the BMs and the bride were under 21, but all still college age) was they got manicures, went out for a fun dinner and dessert, then went home to watch sappy movies like The Notebook, etc.
Don't go the borrowed ID route! It's not worth it-imagine what will happen if they get caught and you will remember that as part of your wedding festivities!
"If she is close to 21, can she borrow a friends ID who is 21+. "
... I want to echo that this is a bad idea. Nothing ruins a party more than getting arrested.
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she's 19 and my youngest sister, so my mom already told me she is not to go out with us (no borrowing id's). i also like the idea of spa day or bowling, something we all can do.
I specifically mentioned to my MOH that I would love my underage girls to be part of my bachelorette party. So we are having a weekend in San Diego of fun in the sun. THEN my loving MOH told me that she had planned a seperate bachelorette night for those 21+.
Maybe this is because I'm in a college town, but a lot of bars around here are 18+, especially on nights like karaoke night. At 19 she doesn't have to be completely written out of bar-related activities (plus if everyone else is drinking and she's getting Coke her drinks will probably be free - not that a Coke costs much but it's something!).
My youngest sister is 20, and will be just a week shy of 21 at the wedding. I feel badly... especially because the rest of my bridesmaids really want to do Vegas for the bachelorette party. So I'm not going to lie, the idea of a fake ID has come up (actually, my sister might already have one, in which case I feel like the burden is her own, but it DOES make things easier). There's obviously lots of non-drinking things to do in Vegas as well, but it would be nice to not have it be an issue.
As for the wedding, I want all of the almost-21s to drink, if they want to. That's what weddings are for! (I won't go into all of the details, but I'm not concerned about drunk driving or drunk-anything for our reception, and I think it's fine for everyone to have a glass of champagne.)
But certainly, this is an individual decision, and like others have said, there are tons of non-alcohol-related events for bachelorette parties and I'm not advocating that anyone else does what I'm planning on doing.
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do/did you have an under 21 bridesmaid? how did you deal w the bachelorette party? please help, i dont want her to feel left out!