- 8 years ago
I was introduced to a girl (age 27) by a fren of mine about 1.5 years back. First it was general. Time passed by and we used to meet on a group. The group was 2 girls and myself. Later I was really interested to this girl and I engulfed a fren of mine into the group thinking we can break the group so that I can meet with her alone. I was right she was also interested and we used to meet she lying to her fren.
Once when 4 of us were hanging out together it turned out late and I managed to escort these girls to a guest house safely. I think she really started to trust me from there cos she used to say “thanks and I was content that you were there so I got so drunk that evening”
Later her fren went abroad for some domestic work and we started meeting accordingly. I don’t wish to and did not have any emotional attachments till date with her. Then one fine day I proposed her to have a physical intimacy without any emotional attachments (booty calls). She agreed and said that she can control her feelings. All was working well from my point of view. We met regularly had a level of physical relation (not intercourse though she was afraid of it as she said). She was always willing to have drink and have foreplays. I must say we enjoyed a lot.
But I was always a bit scared that we might get attached emotionally so I always generated a space. I was in hike those days so I was busy partying and enjoying wid my other frens. But I did not have any other relationships with any other girls. I also lied her several times which she found out later (not with other girls I was just creating space). But she was very open towards me as I can feel.
We also use to talk that we are preparing for marriage (with others not each other)
One evening I was really frustrated and we had a discussion. I was willing to go more physically and I told her that our objective is to go physically so if we our objectives don’t match than we shall stop all this.
Later she started to stop the meetings, saying she’s not feeling well (feeling irritation). We had a communication gap for several days. Within 15-20 days the scenario was different, I felt like she was not interested anymore and wanted to stop. Then I started feeling that im interest on her and realized that I am also attached emotionally towards her. One evening when her fren had returned the three of them had a party and when I called her she said that shes at home. I hate lies, later I found out that they had a party and called her. We had a long conversation and said her that “I felt all our relations till date was a compulsion. I compelled you and you could not say no that’s why we were together. I am sorry for all this and I wish to step backward now”. She said sorry and told me that it was the situation so she had to lie otherwise I would have called you. She also said that our relationship was not a compulsion but she was also equally interested. I was convinced to turn back and close all the interactions at that period of time because I knew I was emotionally attached to her and her lie made me frustrated towards her.
Next day she called me again and told me that her intentions were not to hurt me. The conversation went long and I was convinced and I also stated her that I am emotionally attached to her and let’s start a committed relation. But to my surprise she told me that she backed up (as I stated earlier) as she started to feel the relationship hollow. She also said that she can’t change for me and she doesn’t feel the same as I feel towards her.
I was in a state of sorrow at that time but she really did comfort me. She told me to keep a space otherwise it will hurt more. But still our relations used to go smoothly we used to meet, I totally changed my attitude. We also had some physical interactions but I did not feel the way I used to before. But now she use to hide her cell from me. I feel like she calls someone when she goes to toilet when we are together. I like her company but I feel like she doesn’t wish to meet but only coming so that I will feel bad. I also asked her if she’s having any other relationship and she replied that she won’t tell cos I will tell her to stop.
I asked her the reason why you are not interested and she replied that earlier when she was interested I did not understand and now the situation has changed, she had agreed her family’s proposal.
When she’s drunk she asked me if I would love her same after I get married to other person? I am not sure what she means or willing to say?
Now I feel like she’s increasing the space herself cos she doesn’t wish to meet, her answers are very formal and she has also told me times that she can bring a relationship to a level and maintain it.
It’s not like I can’t control my feelings or myself, we’ve promised each other our secrets will never be exposed to anyone and I am confident we both will maintain it.
What I want to know is can a girl get so physically attached and not get emotional ties with a man? Plus I still believe that somewhere down inside she feels the same for me but she doesn’t acknowledge me cos she has some problems or not trust me (as she has told me that my feelings are only infactutation). I also feel that she might have found someone else and since our bond was strong she wishes to keep a friendship with me forever? Sometimes I feel she only enjoy’s physical ties with persons?
I am posting this in this forum because I really want to understand the situation now. Through the entire story I really wish to know what she thinks now. It’s not like I will get hurt if she’s with someone else. I have told her several times that I’ll be happy if my special person is happy. So please advise me whether I was wrong or I am an emotional fool unable to understand a girl? I really want to understand this situation….