Post # 1
This is my first post to the Wedding Boards – I hope I’m posting to the right place. I’m and Irish lass currently living in Canada who, with her fiance, decided to buck tradition and not have a large wedding, but to have a smaller event with immediate family only and to host that event in southern Spain. Hurdle one was getting aforementioned family on-board with a destination wedding that would require a flight. Hurdle two was getting aforementioned family to accept we weren’t having a large wedding with extended family and friends. I thought I was home and dry after getting these things sorted. Enter hurdle three and my lovely (and that is not meant in the sarcastic tone it may come across in text) mother:
My family consists of me, a younger sister and brother and my mother and father, and one significant other.
My fiance’s family consists of him, five siblings, 5 significant others and 10 nieces and nephews, and his mother and father.
My mother views this as 5 Vs 22.
She has recently suggested that it would be ok to invite some of her siblings in order to even out the numbers, and not invite any of my fiance’s aunts & uncles. This is something that I would not do, however I did want to see what other people thought. My mother is great, and I don’t want her to not enjoy the day because she feels like she’s at Mr. D’s family function, rather than her first-born’s wedding day. She already feels very excluded because I’m planning all this from several thousand miles away.
Anyone? Any advice at all? It would be very much appreciated.
Post # 3
Welcome to the Hive!!
I chuckled when I read "5 VS 22". My FI sees it the same way… we’re having a small wedding as well & inviting only our nearest & dearest. Well, its being held in Vancouver (where I live) and all his guests have to travel 3000 miles to get here so we know a bunch will decline.
Hmm… I think you should talk to your FI and see if he is willing to "even it out" and allow for your aunts & uncles to attend. I think its very sweet of you to be so concerned about your mom like that 🙂 You have a good heart!
If that’s a no-go, another option could be once at your wedding destination you plan a bunch of get to know you activities! This way your mom could be introduced to everyone & feel like she knows all the guests personally instead of feeling like an outsider at Mr. D’s family reunion!
Post # 4
Sorry you are dealing with such a sticky situation. Guest list issues stink!
I recently attended a small wedding where the bride’s family outnumbered the groom’s about 5 to1. As a member of the minority, things were a tiny bit awkward at times, but I think the fact that it’s a destination wedding for everyone weighs in your advantage. In our situation, our family was under-represented due to distance (destination only for us), which was hard for some to deal with. What helped a lot was the opportunity to meet and mingle during the rehearsal dinner. By actively introducing us all and pointing out common interests, the bride and groom helped everyone feel like one big family, not his and hers.
Post # 5
Thank you for your comments. It’s a strange feeling to throw your thoughts out there into the world and have someone take the time to throw a thought or two back. I’m actually living in Vancouver at the moment too – nice coincidence! For us, we’re the ones who will be travelling a few thousand kms for the wedding 🙂
This situation will be a tricky one. The families already know each other. We’ve been together since we were practically babies and will be almost 10 years as a couple by the time we tie the knot, so my mother will know everyone there. I’m lucky in that my FI is very easygoing, but I could not, would not hurt my future in-laws by turning around and saynig that some of my mother’s family will attend, but we’re not extending you the same "inviting" power.
HA! I (naively) thought I would be the one to avoid wedding stress and politicking and smiled smugly to myself as I watched friends wrangle with family demands etc. Oh for the days of ignorance – they were bliss.