(Closed) uneven parent gifts ok?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well, I must say the gift that I picked out for the moms are similar, but not the same. They both will be getting pearl sets to wear to the wedding. But since she’s my mom…hers will be a bit different (two rows of pearls) and have earrings, a necklace, and a bracelet. FMIL’s will only be earrings and a necklace.

Post # 4
Member
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

We’re in a similar situation, and I am interested in hearing other opinions. 

I guess one option would be to get them completely different gifts, so it is unclear the price tag put on each set of gifts.  However, I was thinking of giving both mothers purses… and while I could give my mother a bigger one and FMIL a smaller one, it would be obvious there is a price difference.

Another option would be to give them each the 8×10 (even if one is smaller), wine, and album promise… but then privately give your parents the extra frame.  This way in private you and FI could thank them for hosting the wedding and tell them that you wanted to get them something extra to thank you for the huge gift (i.e. wedding) they are giving you.

Post # 5
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think that is perfectly fine. It is essentially almost the exact same gift!

Post # 6
Member
2186 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

we are in a similar situation as well. so im intersested to see the comments. As of now i just hope they dont open it then. LOL

Post # 7
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

We were in a very similar situation. My parents generously paid for the reception, my ILs paid for the rehearsal dinner, and we paid for everything else. So, b/c my parents paid for the bulk of the expenses, we did more for them.

We got my parents $500 worth of gift cards from around their area to different restaurants. My parents LOVE to eat out…it’s their thing, so it was perfect. We ended up buying his parents a $150 digital camera since they didn’t have one.

In order to not make them feel as if they were slighted, we gave our parents their gifts before the wedding in private. So we went to his parents’ the weekend before the wedding to give them their gift, and we gave my parents their gift before we went to the rehearsal. We just didn’t want either of them to feel slighted or embarrassed b/c of what we got them, so we just did it in private. Both really loved their gifts and it worked out really well for us.

Post # 8
Member
7175 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Can you give your parents the 5×7 frame at a different time?  

Aside from that one gift, the presents are identical.  That way – you can also handpick the photos you want to include in it.

Post # 9
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

I’m a parent and I have to say that it is nice you want to give your parents a gift, I really don’t expect one at all! The greatest gift I can receive is to watch my sons marry the women of their dreams that make them happy.  That being said, I think since you are giving gifts, you should give your parents and your inlaws their gifts privately so it’s not quite so obvious that they are unequal. You don’t want to unintentionally slight your inlaws in public. 

Post # 10
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I think it’s nice to not give an identical gift; however I’d be sure to not have them “too different”, as it could be perceived as preferrential treatment, especially if the parent who receives the “nicer” gift contributed more.

Generally, although it’s very nice to acknowledge someone’s financial efforts and help, I’d hate to see a parent who just didn’t have the means feel punished by receiving an obviously cheaper gift.

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