Post # 1
I just took a test, positive. Not planned, but my stupid fault, FI knew of my mistake too.
Bads – my FI travels for work and is working now and won’t be home until mid-January, he was planning on keeping a travelling jobs for 2.5 years until we want kids and then working from home becasue he doesn’t want to travel when we have kids, our wedding is planned for 9/27/14 – obviously I don’t know specifics now, but I’d either be really pregnant or with an infant at that point – we’ve paid most of our deposits already, we own a home but rent out all but one apartment- we were planning on kicking out the tenant to make it a one family home this fall.
Goods – we’re in a committed relationship and kids were on the horizon anyway. We can mentally support a kid and will be okay financially.
Also, I don’t have a doctor or insurance and I have a job interview tomorrow…
I don’t know how to tell him. It’ll have to be skype and i feel badly throwing it on him because he’s already stressed about his job/far away from me and family/and isn’t good being helpless.
I don’t know what to do about the wedding. Do we cancel, move it up, try to get back deposits? Should I wait until after the first trimester to see how things go before I stress about all of that?
And, since I don’t have a Dr, or insurane should I go to planned parenthood? (To make this more interesting, I picked up my bc perscription and pregnancy test at the same time…now i don’t need that bc I guess)
Any comforting words would be nice….
Post # 3
@CoCoCourtney: Well, first, congrats. You are freaking out which is what most people do when they find out they are pregnant, whether they have all their ducks in a row or not. So, you’re normal. Yay! Lol. Honestly, take things one a time right now. You are thinkng about WAYYYY too much. First, pick yourself up some prenatal vitamins at the store and tell your Fi what’s going on. Take a few days to let that sink in before you start figuring out any of the other stuff, especially the wedding and your job situation. The 1st trimester is kind of…touchy. Things can go sour pretty fast, so take things slow at first.
After you talk to your FI, make an appointment. If you feel more comfortable with Planned Parenthood because of the insurance situation, that is ok. Let them know how got a positive pregnancy test and you need to know what to do from there. They will help you out.
All your “bads” are things that can be moved or rearranged. You will be just fine. Congrats again and good luck!
Post # 4
I had a friend in your exact situation with the wedding and they were able to move the wedding date up or back without penalty. I think as long as the vendors still get your money/business, they are fine with changing the date. Plus you are quite a long way out, so it shouldn’t be hard for them to fill your original spot.
Everything is going to be okay!!
Post # 5
@CoCoCourtney: are you sure you want to keep the baby? You have options. If you plan to keep the baby you’re lucky that insurance can no longer consider pregnancy a pre-existing condition!
id personally probably either postpone the wedding or elope.
Post # 6
@Ninteenthchance: I was just thinking that about the insurance.
I’m thinking I’d rather keep it, because kids are in the plan in a couple of years anyway and I know we can handle it. I know plenty of women get abortions, I just don’t know what the result of that would be for me knowing that we are capable.
Post # 7
This is not your fault or your mistake. Takes two to tango. So don’t feel guilty. This should help with telling your fiance. I think it’s best to just dive right in and tell him. Then you can discuss it and decide what is best for your as a family. There is no rush to make decisions about the wedding right now. So take some time to catch your breath. It’ll work out, one way or another. These things usually don’t happen the way we plan them, that’s okay. You just have to re-group and figure out what to do now.
Post # 8
@CoCoCourtney: I think you should first tell your FI then and you guys can go from there. Most drs won’t see you until you’re at least 10 weeks anyway, so if this is your first missed period then you have some time. Maybe wait and see if you get this job before you go shopping for private insurance. Or perhaps you guys could elope and you can get on FIs insurance? Do you qualify for common law marriage? His insurance could cover you that way too.
Post # 9
@CoCoCourtney: I think if I were in the same situation, I’d move the wedding up. Although I would seriously consider an abortion if I wasn’t ready… Does your FI have insurance? If you guys got married, you would be covered.
Since you don’t have insurance, Planned Parenthood is an excellent place to go. If they can’t treat you, they will refer you elsewhere. Depending on what state you are in and your income level, you may get placed on state insurance for the duration of the pregnancy.
Post # 10
@CoCoCourtney: What state are you in? In California there is aid called AIM and it’s for pregnant women who do not have health insurance. This is their link. http://www.aim.ca.gov/Home/default.aspx If you’re not in California, perhaps your state offers something similar. Talk to your FI. Personally I wouldn’t abort given your circumstances, although I would probably move up that fall wedding to a spring or summer wedding!
Post # 11
Can you marry immediately and get on his benefits plan? I would really recommend that if you want to keep the baby (which it sort of sounds like is your ideal plan). As for everything else -it is grandkids!! Just maybe elope now for benefits and throw a reception at your booked date OR move up the wedding.
Post # 12
Thanks ladies! My FI ended up being excited. We’re thinking of moving the wedding up, maybe in the spring. I’ll probably wait a bit and see what the vendors can do to help us out. I’m still a little bummed that we can’t have the wedding as planned, but in the long run, a baby will also be super happy and exciting. I did a due date calendar- 4 days before the wedding was planned. What are the chances of that?
I’m also going to wait and see how my job interview goes today, it was basically a position created with me in mind, so i should have a good chance. If I get that, I’ll get insurance and won’t need to worry about it. If I don’t, we’ll probably get married legally and I’ll be on his insurance.
What a difference a day makes!
Post # 13
@CoCoCourtney: Love your update and so glad things are looking up! Congrats on the pregnancy! Happy and healthy 9 months 🙂
Post # 14
@CoCoCourtney: Even before your update, my eyes jumped right to this, “Goods – we’re in a committed relationship and kids were on the horizon anyway. We can mentally support a kid and will be okay financially.”
It sounds like once you get over the initial shock, your baby is going to be welcomed into a loving and stable home! CONGRATULATIONS!!!
I think moving the wedding date is a great idea. I love the look of a baby bump in a wedding dress! It fills the wedding photos with so much love. Adorable!
Post # 16
Awww, congrats! Glad your FI was excited!