Post # 1
After two and a half years of being together and being engaged since July…wedding planned for October…things are over. I’m devestated and don’t know where to turn right now. I will be moving out of our townhome we were renting and back into my parents home temporarily (I’m 24).
We had some communication issues that needed to be addressed and this last week we had discussed them and discussed going to counselling to improve those skills. He had gone to hang out with one of his really good friends and came back slightly distant (but still seemed like he was going to work on things on his end) and we had a great weekend together. He was on his phone a lot and kept saying something along the lines of “gosh I need to mute so-and-so conversation on FB” on Sunday (easter). Later that day, he got a call from someone named “Kayla” and I only saw the first part of her number. I asked who it was, and he said it was a friend of theirs who wanted him to send a pic of one of their male friends and he “didn’t even know she had his number”….we talked a little bit about it and that was it. I believed him. Well I (STUPID STUPID STUPID – I KNOW!!!) looked on his fb while he was at work Monday and he found out in the last couple of days. I also checked Verizon usage (because he’s on my plan) and the number belonging to “Kayla” popped up on texts from the whole weekend and calls (an hour’s worth on Monday and Tuesday alone). I never confronted him about that and he doesn’t know still that I know it was all weekend.
I worked nights Monday and Tuesday so after getting off work Wednesday morning I went to bed and woke up before he was supposed to leave for work so we could spend a little time together. Low and behold, I come downstairs and say goodmorning….I don’t even get a smile. He closed his computer and said “I don’t want to work on this anymore.” I asked why and he said it was because he found out I looked on his facebook and that was “the final straw” even though I had never looked on it before….and he said it reminded me of his ex who used to do it all the time and that he would never be able to look at me differently than that. I asked if he would want to go to counseling and try working it out and he said “No, I’m done.” Ummmmm what????
So here I sit, needing to get out of there and pack my things because I’m not staying there. He can worry about everything. I have contacted our landlord (private – not by a company) and described what was going on vaguely and that I need to move out. I forgot to do it until late and she’s a teacher, so I have not received a response yet.
This is just all so confusing to me and I don’t know where to go from here. I went and talked to my parents about it and told them the wedding was off – thankfully the only things with a downpayment was the venue (although my dress is $97 from being paid for….and my bridesmaids have all bought their dresses and whatnot) so at least we don’t have to worry about losing TOO huge of a chunk of money on it, although I’m going to mention him paying that back since my parents are the ones who footed the downpayment for that. I will be moving into my parents house as soon as possible and then possibly in a few months, my sister and I can get an apartment together (we’re pretty darn close and a lot alike) but we will see how things go. I need to focus on me and getting stronger so I can move on….I WILL get through this, it will just be a struggle for a while. I’m feeling like shit, like I wasn’t worth the truth or worth it in general, feeling like I don’t deserve happiness and that a black cloud is just hovering over me at this point….I know that will go away and I AM pretty. and I DO deserve happiness and I WILL find someone who will treat me better than that…it will just take time to heal and get through this. For now, I will wallow 🙁
Post # 2
(Hugs) That’s so lame that he won’t even give the two of you a chance to work on things. There probably was a lot more going on – so I’d assume you’ll be better off without him in the end.
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
So sorry you’re going through this. e-hugs. 🙁
Post # 4
NicoleLyn1218: I’m sorry to hear that, but I agree. There’s gotta be a lot more going on and he’s using this as an excuse to blame you and get out of this relationship so you look like the bad guy.
Consider yourself dodged a bullet.
Post # 5
I am so sorry you are going through this. I went through something similar to your situation but we are trying to work it out. I think there is more to the situation that he is not telling you. Maybe once he gets over being angry you guys can talk about it. You should not blame yourself for his lame excuses and nobody deserves to be treated like this…
Post # 6
So he sees another woman, and then puts the blame on *you* because you logged on his facebook. Real classy. He wants to leave you and doesn’t even have the b*lls to take responsibillity.
(((Hugs))). You’re hurting now but you’re better off without him.
EDIT: About wedding related costs: I assume you have an engagement ring. Don’t give it back until he pays his share. (But if he does, the right thing is to return the ring).
Post # 7
NicoleLyn1218: hugs! It really sounds like he may have met someone else and then latched on to the first reason he could find to break up with you. So sorry you are hurting – but he is shady and you will find yourself a man who doesn’t lie and manipulate.
Post # 8
i think it sounds like there’s something else going on (likely kayla since he lied about her…) and he is clinging to that one instance of you logging into his facebook as an excuse to break up with you – it’s such a small indiscretion and his response is completely disproportionate. I’m so sorry – but at least you won’t have a husband who works so little at your marriage :/ I’m sure things will work out for the best!
Post # 9
I am so sorry. It sounds like he is doing something he doesn’t want you to know about as hard as it is, it’s better to find out before the wedding. Divorce is no fun. Hang in there.
Post # 10
Yeh i agree with aussiemum,he has something going on with this kayla and is using you looking at his facebook as a very convenient excuse. And with the circumstances i dont blame you one bit for looking,i would have too!
He has outright lied to you with the whole ‘didnt know she had my number’.Clearly they had been texting all weekend so thats bull! So forget what he has said about her,forget what he has tried to do in blaming you,and focus on the fact that you are now free of a man who has blantantly lied to your face and broken your trust.
Keep your dignity intact and hold your head up high as you pack your stuff and move out.Sending you massive internet hugs,its so hard to go through this shit but you WILL get through this and you will be stronger for it i promise.
Good luck hun
Post # 12
So sorry to hear. I get that everyone needs space, but surely if you have nothing to hide and it was a one off from you it’s not that big a deal?
Hope you can start afresh. Sometimes it’s better to move on sooner rather than later.
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
I am so, so sorry this happened to you. Personally, snooping isn’t something I’d tolerate in an SO either – I wouldn’t marry someone who couldn’t trust me, and would consider that kind of violation a dumpable offense. Although it does show that maybe the relationship wasn’t working for *either* of you. Still, that really sucks for you, and I’m sure you will find the one who can really make you happy! Good luck with the move, and many hugs.
Post # 14
NicoleLyn1218: SO sorry! Don’t let him blame you for the FB thing. He was looking for a way out and blaming you makes an easy excuse.
Post # 15
NicoleLyn1218: Oh no! That’s awful to be going through that. And like a PP said, sounded like he was the one straying, yet putting the blame on you (“you looked at my FB so let’s break up”). I’m soooo sorry you are going through this. But it WILL get better and you are right. You deserve way better. And trust me, there is better out there!! Take care!!