(Closed) unfullfilled sex life

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
1226 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

His ego will have to take a hit. Even if you’ve had this talk, keep talking. Is it orally or intercourse wise? Or is everthing just a disaster

Post # 4
Member
1226 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’ve been there where my partner came everytime and I didn’t, it’s not an easy situation to deal with

Post # 5
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

So is he just not listening to your needs and what you like or is he just lacking the know how skills?

Post # 8
Member
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m lol about the leaving him for her part.

 That is a tough situation. Maybe he is just set in his ways and it’s going to take some time to get him to break his habits. It’s possible that hes just used to having women throw themselves at him and not having to do much to please them but be cute with dimples ;)…But your not one of them and he’s going to have to learn to work for it! The only advice I have is DON’T fake it, I did that in a relationship for 2 years and while I thought our sex sucked he thought he was the man….Ugh I learned my lesson there lol.

Post # 9
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Wow. Five years? His learning curve is more like a flatline. Do you give him directions while you’re doing it? I’d be like “I’m not getting you off again until you get me off, so either you need to start taking notes or get invest in a good hand lotion.”

 

Post # 10
Member
2117 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My ex was a terrible terrible lover when I first met him. I mean TERRIBLE.

 

I honestly…got really stern in bed. When he started rubbing the wrong thing, I’d say “Um…that’s my pelvic bone” and I’d take his hand, move it to the right place, and literally guide his fingers until he learned how to do it.

 

His kisses sucked. I actually gave him rules. No tongue, for one, because that’s just my thing. I detest tongue in my mouth. I was specific, blunt, and downright rude I guess sometimes.

 

But he got better. :

Post # 11
Member
1226 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

He is getting oral almost every day? You’re a giver ;). Honestly, I would stop giving him oral and intercourse until he seriously starts trying. I would say (no lie): No sex, no oral until YOU make ME come orally, try to make it sound like a game, like it would be fun, like a challenge. Seriously, it sounds like he doesn’t really feel the needs to try that hard because he IS satisfied sexually. I’m sure you’ve done this, but be descriptive. For instance, I like mild pressure on my clit in an up and down motion. Minimum of 15min kissing session before foreplay (practice makes perfect right?), I like to be on top to control the sensation and that also stimulates my clit, etc. If something isn’t working for you, say it! Even if it’s just the kissing. Sometimes my man is kissing sloppy and it really turns me off, and I say so. He might start listening if his daily blow jobs are taken away… That’s all I’ve got, hope this was somewhat helpful.

 

Post # 12
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@inky_1:  +1

Yes, they need very. specific. directions. (I feel like there’s a joke in there somewhere about men asking for directions.)

Post # 13
Member
1226 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Elvis:  YES, lol agreed

Post # 14
Member
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah that was my immediate reaction too. You should NOT be giving him oral every day if you are not satisfied. Of course he is happy with your sex life if he gets oral every day. I would say hold off on oral until he can make you come through intercourse, oral, or manual. I am one of those women that cannot come from intercourse unless there is a manual component too, and it was just something that I taught my partner. 

 

I think it might also be time at this stage for you guys to see a therapist, a sex positive one who can guide you through your sex life better and will provide you a space wher eyou can talk to him and explain what is wrong. 

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