Ungrateful Bride

posted 2 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 2
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: Beach

I am completely new to these boards, and happened to hit your post.  In my opinion you are completely justified in feeling off-put by this attitude.  I would never expect that my guests must at a minimum cover their plate? In fact that idea hadnt occured to me.  It’s not a charity ball… it’s a wedding.  I am trying to find a way, in fact, to tactfully tell them all NO GIFTS as I will simply need to sell them all or ship it after the wedding.

Friendship is a very tricky thing, but I would also feel that perhaps this person doesnt deserve such a high place on my friend list.

Post # 3
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

I personally wouldn’t say anything to her and just distance myself. If thats how she thinks about people she calls her friends, I wouldn’t want to count myself among her friends

Post # 4
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

shoeghost:  I think if you feel like you are going to distance yourself from her, then go ahead and put her in her place. It sounds like she needs to hear it.

I really don’t understand the attitude of expecting to “get back” from your guests the majority of the money you have put into a wedding. My girlfriend assumed that she was going to make money from her wedding and was really disappointed when she did not come out ahead from guest gifts. I also don’t understand inviting X number of people hoping that a percentage of them will decline. Invite the amount of people you actually want there.

Post # 5
Member
705 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think you have a wedding expecting to get back what you put in. It sounds like she spent more then she should ofv I think you find out a lot about people during a wedding but they most likely won’t change. I would give it space unless it really bothers you and you want it off your chest. Geez fought situation though. 

Post # 7
Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think it would definitely be good to distance yourself from her. Maybe she was expecting more in gifts, but you can’t truthfully expect anything from anyone. She should be greatful that the 65 people came there to support and celebrate their marriage. She did not have to spend $200/plate, so if she’s in a financial pinch right now it’s from her own doing. You don’t deserve to have to put up with that kind of stress, you’ve been generous enough. I would never expect my bridesmaids to spend that much on my big day! I just would like them to buy a dress and gas to get there. IMO I think it’s a gift just for some people to make the effort to show up. I’m not expecting anything from my guests but to have a good time and enjoy the night.

Your friend may be under a lot of stress currently, or maybe she’s a snob. I can’t say since idk her but I’d say for now, distance yourself. If things calm down and you guys get talking normal again to eachother, maybe mention something to her about that just to get closure on the situation, but not until she’s calmed down. I would have a really hard time being friends with someone who thought that way of other people though…

Post # 9
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: Beach

Sounds like the prom queen/cheer captain.  Follow willy-nilly? No way. You can surround yourself with better people!

Post # 10
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I would say something. She needs some perspective. You don’t invite people to your wedding just to get a gift–no one is obligated to give you a gift. She should appreciate any gift she received.

Post # 11
Member
550 posts
Busy bee

Good lord, I was just grateful people drove almost 2 hours to spend the weekend with us. Any gifts were extra and very appreciated. 

Post # 12
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

I’m so confused, I’ve never heard of guests paying for their plate. Maybe it’s a regional thing. I was always under the  impression bride & groom pay for venue & meal and guest bring a gift (Whatever they can afford).  I would casually tell her how you feel and decide if you want distance based upon her response, she may be really apologetic because it’s possible she doesn’t know how ungrateful she’s coming off.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  Charmaine7.
Post # 13
Member
846 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think that’s really unfair of her to expect that from her guests. So if she has younger friends that are just starting off, she’s expecting them to pay $400 to come to her wedding, or they shouldn’t come at all? That’s insane! I had a wedding that was in line with her price range, and I asked certain friends NOT to bring gifts because of their circumstances (a lot of our friends had to buy plane tickets and fly across the country to come because my husband & I are from different coasts). Every financial situation is different and I think it’s selfish to expect each guest to “pay for their plate”. The people at your wedding should be there because you care about them & they care about you.

To answer your question, I don’t think I would say anything – the day has passed, and nothing will change – but I would personally distance myself from her.

Post # 14
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I hate the ‘cover your plate’ mentality.  This is not a thing with most people I know. What are guests expected to do – look up the venue and try and ascertain the cost? How are they meant to know if the person has gone for total open bar, how many courses etc? Are guests meant to decline an invitation if they can’t afford to give $400 per couple? She sounds very entitled. If a bride and groom choose to spend eg. $150 per had at their wedding then that choice is on them.  I just wanted the people we cared about at our wedding – whether they could afford to give something or nothing.

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