Post # 1
Sigh… Ok, here we go… I have 4 bridesmaids including a Maid/Matron of Honor and then the Maid/Matron of Honor (my sister) goes and tells me what I HAVE to do for them. I’m a very lenient and laid back bride, not demanding a thing from any of the BMs or Maid/Matron of Honor, but yesterday I was RUDELY told that I HAVE to pay for their hair and make-up as a gift, since my Maid/Matron of Honor claims to have spent alot of money on my shower and bachelorette party. Mind you, I NEVER told them to pay for it professionally. I gave them their own option. I NEVER told my Maid/Matron of Honor to go and spend all this money, it was on her own accord and now as she told me yesterday “we deserve to be compensated.” I was originally going to treat them all to a manicure and pedicure for a gift and something cute on the side. I told them what I was going to give them, since one of the bridesmaids wanted to know what I was giving them as a gift. When they heard what they were getting the “lovely” Maid/Matron of Honor said to me…”That’s IT? You can’t just give that. You’re really gyyping us for all that we’ve done for your shower.” I’m so upset and angry with my sister Maid/Matron of Honor for saying that to me. If I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t have involved any of them and instead just married myfiance on an island and be the happiest girl alive. My fiance and I are trying to save as much as possible, but my Maid/Matron of Honor is making this wedding stuff EXTREMELY stressful. I will never forget what she put me through during my wedding planning… I regret ever making her my Maid/Matron of Honor. Comments? Advice to make me more relaxed? 🙁
Post # 3
Wow. Youre right she never should have said that to you especially infront of the other BMs. I would have a chat with her and tell her whats on your mind. You don’t want her attitude to ruin your day. I asked my girls what they would like to receive or even ideas. My girls are spending a lot of my wedding as well (2 nights in hotel rooms, dress, travel, bachelorette) I was going to pay to have their hair and makeup professionally done. I have two friends that do hair and makeup for a living and they will give me a great rate coming out to $55 for each girl. I feel like I should do more but I am not sure what; not even if I should do more. My mom says $50 spend on each girl is generous. I think it also has to do with your budget and how much you really can afford as a thank you.
Post # 4
“…one of the bridesmaids wanted to know what I was giving them as a gift.”
That is not “ungrateful”, that is straight TACKY. My advice is to dump the offending parties, sister or not. That is beyond trashy.
Post # 5
@rubianbeauty11: awww, your sister is being a jerk! Is she young and immature? Maybe she just doesn’t know how to be polite
Post # 6
@rubianbeauty11: wow.. I’m sorry your sister was or is acting like that.. That was rude of her to say.. Normally when you do things for someone, you are doing it from the kindness of your heart and not doing it to expect something back later.. If that’s the case, especially being your sister, she should have done the things for you because you are her sister and she loves you, not because she has to.. You don’t have to spend all that money on her gift that she spent on you.. If it were me, a thank you so much for throwing me a shower or doing this for me would have been enough” I wouldn’t expect anything more.
Post # 7
@rubianbeauty11: Awe, I’m so sorry to hear your sister is making things so stressful for you! I have had a little bit of Bridesmaid or Best Man drama myself, (different than yours though) but I can somewhat relate in that it honestly adds sooo much stress. From the sound of it, you’ve made every effort to be fair and reasonable with your girls. I would definitely be upset too if I was in your position, and your sister seems quite immature to say that in response to your gift. HUGS!!!
Post # 8
@rubianbeauty11: hisssssss! That’s nasty! Give her a metaphorical “take your party and shove it!” I would just pay for the hair and makeup and not get them gifts.
Post # 9
- Wedding: December 2012 - Hacienda los Agaves
Wow, and I thought I had bad bridesmaids. The best thing would be to a) ignore her, and b) maybe ask her to step down from the bridal party because you don’t need, and I repeat DON’T NEED, that kind of rudeness and negativity.
Have you talked to her? told her you didn’t ask for them to spend that much money and how you are paying for a wedding and can’t afford to pay for their makeup, especially if you’re being forced into it?
I am so sorry, she is being very rude.
Post # 10
That’s really awful. I’m sorry she said that to you.
Maybe she doesn’t realize that the things she’s done for you; shower, bachelorette, etc. are GIFTS from her, and from the Bridal Party (if they were financially involved). Traditionally, you would not be able to control costs for those parties, since you had no part of the planning process: only she could. She gave you those gifts and it’s very rude to try to dictate your return gift to her and the rest of the Bridal Party.
Post # 11
Thank you all so very much for the support. I’m glad that it’s not just me who sees these things and that outsiders can see it too. As much as I’d LOVE to ask her to step down, I’d rather keep the peace and not turn this into a drama fest; I can’t stand drama, whereas my sister loves it. And to answer one of your questions, yes she’s almost 27, so I don’t think that’s too young. She should be acting mature, but then again this is her personality. 🙁 I don’t think the other Bridesmaid or Best Man would be like this if it wasn’t for my sister (MOH). So I’m just gonna give them all hair and make-up for the wedding as their gift. That’s it, it’s mega expensive and does more than “compensate” as a gift. *rolls eyes* If I was treated nicely from the start, I probably wouldn’t even be typing this. Lol I thought wedding planning was supposed to be fun, but it turns out whenever I alert my Maid/Matron of Honor of something I did for the wedding, she’s seconds from jumping down my throat. Talking to her about anything is hard enough, let alone discussing wedding stuff.
Post # 12
@Aquaria: That’s exactly what I plan on doing. Hair and make-up. Nothing extra. They deserve nothing else for such rudeness. I feel bad for my other two bridesmaids, since they’re quite nice. 🙁
Post # 13
@DomesticDiva: This is my take on it as well. A gift is called GIFT for a reason. This isn’t like Christmas time where you need to spend equal amounts on people. Even so, this was her choice to spend on the shower what she did, not my choice. She didn’t need to go all out like she did, but since she did I find that so grateful of her to do such a thing. But now that I have to “pay” for it in a way, doesn’t seem like it’s a gift anymore, it seems more like I need to pay her back for everything. Horrible… And would you believe that she told me the cost of everything? So now it’s like one giant guilt trip. This is bullsh*t…