Post # 1
From when I started looking at venues I asked about where I could “hide” assuming that FI would not see me until our brief, untraditional, secular ceremony. I don’t want so many traditional things–no asking my father permission, no giving away, no garter, no flower girl, no ring bearer, no shoe game, etc. etc.–but I was looking forward to his not seeing me, even counting on getting through the all-eyes-on-us nature of the ceremony by watchiing his reaction.
I am pretty sure I mentioned it or at least asked about it in front of him but FI either forgot that I didn’t want him to see me or didn’t pay attention–anyway, when I mentioned it last night he freaked out. Said I was going to leave him to entertain everybody, stick him with it all until at the end where there is the ceremony, then we leave. Blah blah tradition foof etc. He felt bad about thirty seconds later but I’m kind of crushed.
We agreed that I’d email the venue coordinator and find out how quickly the ceremony would be after we sail (boat wedding) and then decide what to do. But now that the vision of our wedding has changed to one with me standing around in the dress greeting people with him while everyone boards like some over-the-hill hostess at a cocktail party. I actually don’t even like my dress anymore knowing that he’s just going to see it whenever–probably wih me saying we’re running late. There is likely a grain of truth in his saying that I was going to get out of keeping our guests entertained until we were underway. I hate being the center of attention as much as he does and I’d just be nervous and awkward, making sure everyone shows up in a big dress that I have to keep people from stepping on until the ceremony and pictures. After the ceremony, I don’t care about the dress so much.
I am waiting to hear back from the coordinator, then we’ll talk. I need the time to cool down from being disappointed and ticked off over his reaction to my mentioning something I thought he’d understood months ago.
Post # 3
@jsanford: Why dont you get a reception dress and use it as a greet the guests dress as well? IThat way you cam both loosen up and you’re both happy! I saw a super cute wedding where the couple had cocktail greetings with the guests first so they could relax, they didnt change for the ceremony but I think it would be a nice touch 😉
Post # 4
Why not let him hide until showtime too, and delegate hosting duties to a social-butterfly relative or two? You’ll have lots of time to socialize once the deed is done, and this way you both get some time with your thoughts before the big event.
Post # 6
I’ve never seen the groom acting as a host before the wedding starts. That’s why there are ushers.
Post # 7
Won’t the wedding start soon after the guests are boarded? And won’t there be the entirety of the reception afterward for both of you to entertain? If so, I don’t really think he should be whining. But if you decide to hide, for fairness’ sake you should allow him to hide too and give the task of greeting to a parent or other relative as PP suggested.
I would NOT give in on greeting everyone in your wedding dress, though. As a guest, one of my very favorite parts is the big reveal when the bride emerges, and if I had already shaken her hand on a boat dock, it’d be pretty anticlimactic.
Post # 8
So we heard back–the ceremony is shortly after the boat sails. We talked too and agreed that I’d get to hide. We’ll wake up together and have our usual coffee that morning, but for me it’s more about the moment he sees me in the dress.
Also learned that we’ll be able to get on the boat 30 minutes earlier than I’d thought which was good news!
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2013 - rolling hills of southern italy
also… He has an objection for a bit and then apologizes for his reaction as soon as you seems to understand his point of veiw? That doesn’t mean you have to do it his way. It means the discussion is only halfway over and he has to see it your way before you decide rationally (no emotional blackmailing) together.