Post # 1
My bestie and I were chatting last night about marriage, unhappy marriages, cold feet and all that jazz.
She has been married twice before and is happily married to her third husband who is amazing. Obviously she has had to make the decision to leave an unhappy marriage twice and I applaud her for being able to have the courage (with a child involved) to leave.
I wouldn’t consider myself a pushover by any means. Nor would I say I am submissive or quiet or a follower. However, when discussing the potential to leave an unhappy marriage I couldn’t say honestly that I would be able to based on a few complaints (barring abusive situations/drugs/obvious illegal activities etc). Call me crazy!
I am just wondering what the norm is amongst you ladies. Lets say you were married to a very nice man who worked hard and treated you well. Your sex life was eh so so for the sake of this experimental poll and your interests were pretty different but you shared a few common things. You were happy but not estastic and had some various frustrations/complaints regarding the relationship that went without change. Would you leave?
(For those that may ask, obviously I am not married and happily engaged planning the wedding of my dreams to the man I love so this does not apply, I am just curious for curiousity sake).
Post # 3
I have to say I’m in camp “something serious needs to happen”. I would never want to look back and think…maybe if we worked on A, B, and C we could have made it. I would feel as though I’m giving up if I left because I wasn’t happy, I’d take that as me not trying hard enough.
I’m sure others will disagree, but I guess this answer best goes along with my personality.
Post # 4
I can honestly say I have no idea until I am in that position. If you were to straight up ask me this question, I would say that I would leave because I was unhappy. But, I really don’t know that though. Everyone in my family calls me the peacemaker becuase I would rather have everyone happy first. So I really don’t know!
I hope I never have to find out either!
Post # 5
Honestly, none of what you described sounds “unhappy” to me. It sounds like someone with an unfulfilled life, which can be true whether you’re single or in a relationship of any kind. If there are frustrations/concerned, they need to be voiced and dealt with – letting things brew until you decide you’ve had enough, catching your SO by surprise with the decision to leave is grossly unfair.
However, I did vote “Perhaps, depending on…” because if those concerns ARE being voiced and it’s evident change will never come, then I might consider the relationship a lost cause. But I would fight to save it because honestly… who gets married to someone they only feel so-so about?
Post # 6
No I wouldn’t. I work work to rekindle what we have and would go to counseling if needed. I personally cannot see myself getting divorced if there was no cheating or any form of abuse or additiction in the realationship. There is a reason I married this person and I would make getting back to that point much more of a priority.
I think a lot of people think you are supposed to be happy all of the time and the reality is whether you are married or single you will not be happy all of the time. Life is hard. I know sometimes when you are dealing with stressors being alone may seem easier since you just have to worry about yourself but it’s always nice to have someone there going through lifes battles with you.
I keep hearing Taylor Swift’s song lately and in reading this post I thought about a line from one of her songs “Life Makes Love Look Hard”.
Post # 7
@MissCalifornia: Yeah I get that. However, I have read postings and heard complaints from women that reasons such as “so-so sex life” and “nothing in common” were making them unhappy that is why I mentioned them. To someone really suffering they might seem trivial but to those women experiencing them they might be a big deal.
Anyway thanks to all that have commented and voted.
Post # 8
The only way I’ll leave him is if he cheats on me or lays a finger on me or my son. I don’t see that happening though so were always going to try to make it work and work through whatever lack in sex life, temporary unhappiness or flustration we come across.
Post # 9
Unhappiness has a lot of faces. There are thousands of causes for unhappiness. If I were just discontent with my marriage, I’d spice it up a bit. Not with drama, but with affirmation. If I were unhappy due to causes beyond my control, then…
Beyond my control, such as natural diasters and his not having a job, my not having a job, of course I’d stick around. Beyond my control as in, his being abusive and unchanging or not addressing his personal issues, then yes.
Post # 10
I don’t feel that I can answer this honestly until I’m in that particular situation. Part of me wants to say that I’d leave because what would be the point while. The other part of me wants to say absolutely not because I will always love Fiance no matter what.
Post # 11
I tend to dislike the word ‘happy’ because I think it’s so relative. Take my life with Darling Husband right now. We got robbed on Monday. Our once “happy” home is anything but right now. We are grateful to have each other, grateful that nothing worse happened (like harm to either of us), but ‘happy’ is not part of the scenario right now.
I think the state of ‘happy’ ebbs and flows with life. If there is serious discontent with the relationship, I think the root of that discontent needs to be addressed and discovered.
You mention things being addressed and not changed but I don’t think that’s a fair gauge. That’s like being frustrated your spouse isn’t a tidy person, when all along, they’ve been messy and you keep trying to change them. IMO, that’s an issue with you being delusional, thinking you are going to change a person just because they said “I do”.
Post # 12
for me it depends, i think it is possible to remain in a loveless marriage because you put other peoples (children) needs first and still not be unhappy about the situation (if this even makes sense)
if a marriage is abusive or the person miserable then yes leave but marriage isnt bodice ripping passion every day, there are ups and downs and sometimes (im assuming) there are periods you wonder if you could be happier eleswhere but then you weigh that against the price of losing what you do value/have and work at it
Post # 13
Seems to me the common denominator is your friend. Perhaps she is unhappy and married because she continually chooses the wrong men.
Either way, since I’m marrying for the right reasons there has to be something more wrong then “meh sex” and a few common interests.
Post # 14
I married the wrong person for me in my first marriage, I was young and caught up in the idea of a “wedding” not a marriage. I left because I knew that I coudl not live the rest of my life with this man, and that I made a mistake but deserved more.
Post # 15
I think until you’re in this situation is very hard to say. I never thought I would get divorced, but I did. I was married to a caring, doting, loving person. I was the light of their life. We were married for 6 years and the last 2 I wasn’t in love. I was not happy in the relationship. I tried to get myself back to the place that I was before, but I could’t get back to that. We had grown apart (married at 19) and our wants had changed. Nothing was bad or terrible. There was no abuse, but I cried every night over not wanting to be there. Choosing to leave was the best thing that I ever did. We are both remarried and admittedly much happier people.
Post # 15
@oracle: I am so sorry to hear of your situation! I can’t even imagine how vulnerable you feel after being robbed. My thoughts are with you!
@eloping: but marriage isnt bodice ripping passion every day, there are ups and downs and sometimes (im assuming) there are periods you wonder if you could be happier eleswhere but then you weigh that against the price of losing what you do value/have and work at it
Very well said, that is what I was trying to explain to my friend…but not so eloquently.