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I read your other posts and all I can say is that no sex is good enough to make up for the way you've been treated. Leaving toxic relationships can be very difficult and I would recommend getting some personal counseling... it really helped me when I was leaving my ex.
I feel for you. You are in a very difficult situation (I remember you from one of your older posts). But I think I can can tell (and feel free to correct me if I'm wrong) that you know in your heart that this man is bad news; you know that this man will only bring you sadness and heartbreak in the long run. In your first post about this man, you described emotional abuse in its worst form.
I could give you cliches about how sex isn't everything (it isn't!), and that there are other fish in the ocean (there are!) but I don't think that's what you are looking for.
You need to cut and you need to cut cleanly. Move away. Delete his number from your phone. Change your number. Delete his emails. Throw away stuff that leads your mind to thoughts of him.
You described him as your "drug", so you need to treat this like an addiction. Being "partially clean" (so to speak) is the exact same thing as being addicted. Saying you want to leave but still having sex with him means you are still in this twisted relationship. If you really want to get out, you need to be strong and make the cut. There is no getting around it.
I hope you find the strength and the wisdom to do what is best for you and your child. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I agree that you should consider counseling. Honestly, I don't think that any man is 'amazing' at sex, it's about a woman knowing what she wants and doing things to get herself there instead of just sitting there and hoping it comes. You will find someone else that you have good chemistry with but not if you keep going back to this jerk who treats you badly.
thanks. I know no sex should be enough to continue in this. The thing is even though the sex is great, i don't think its the sex that keep me going back for more. its him.
IN the past i have tried sleeping in different beds, in different rooms, I have tried to put distance, but the man comes to me and start messing with me, and so my body reacts, my heart reacts, i give in.... The man comes to me, this is where i definetly need strength to say "NO" and stand my ground.
I'm going to agree with the other posters - get some counseling, it can really help!!!
Oh girl. It's hard because that intimacy leaves us feeling so attached, so I can understand. I think you ought to talk to a counselor or at the very least, cut all ties with him so you can just move on. Obviously you want to (this relationship can't be healthy if you're talking to us about how you want to leave!) so I hope you do. Good luck and remember, you not only should do what's best for you, but for your son too.
Thank u, (LaborofLove). I will seek councel and see how much it will help me. He has been manipulating me long enough, and im tired...... Everytime I want to be alone, withdraw from him he make sure to be there.... I think HE and I both know if he leaves me alone for sometime sexually, it will make me stronger, it will give me more control..... DAMMM MY emotions, I have to do somethiing about it . lol
I'm guessing real control will start when I stand my ground.
sounds like you love him but he doesnt make you happy, good luck, i agree try counselling
It sounds like you are living together when he is in town, and of course that would be a huge temptation! If you are really intending on breaking it off, you should not spend time together, much less spend the night in the same house. I know there might be financial reasons that one or both of you can not strike out on your own, but is there a friend you can stay with when he is in town? I think if you put the physical distance between the two of you, it will start to get easier, but being physically intimate will keep you attached to him.
i agree that counseling and a clean cut would be the best. but since he is your kid's dad you might not be able to make a clean cut. I don't think you could just run away with his kid. I'd check into that first before cutting him completely out of your kid's life. But it will be good to end your relationship with him.
oh, yeah, ITs very hard because we have a child. And out of all men out there, (which is a very good thing) he very much want to be a apart of his son's life, and for that i am grateful, as well as grateful for taking care of me, especially since my dad abandoned me and my sisters, it must have been that easy for him. After 17 years of marraige with my mom, He left her and us...... So I guess going through that, part of me don't care if u left too. But still im grateful.
That's why its so hard, a child with him, an apartment with him, im not working, and 9 years of history. I go through a spiral of emotions so looking for work is not even on my mind when it should be priority.
Today marked my first day in letting him go. ITS so hard cause I just don't see a future for us. After asking him where we stand, he said he is just "going with the flow", " what ever i want he wants"..... What ever, I just asked him what he wanted from me and he couldn't answer, telling me that shit means he can't answer. So if this is it. This life with him, sex, talk everyday on the ph, occasioanlly see him, sex... NO, THANK YOU....... I LEFT HIM A MESSAGE ON SKYPE, AND BASICALLY TOLD HIM ITS BETTER WE DON'T SPEAK ON THE PHONE. I figure, if i can start with cutting communication, then when he gets home i will worry about that when he is here. I just have to stand by my convictions thats all. Which mean i will be standing by my own self worth.
Thanks you guys for your replies, very supportive.
You need some good friends. Seriously. I found myself in a similar situation. I thought I couldn't leave him. I knew I would be soooooo lonely. I would always talk to my best friend about it and tell her that I knew I needed to leave him but I didn't think I could. PLUS, I was worried about what other people would think. (yes, I said it). Eventually, I realized that I was the only one really in the relationship. I realized that I was a good catch and that any man would be lucky to be with me. Soooo, when the day came and he came over, I kept my positive thoughts with me and I didn't do it. I kept telling myself, Happy, you will feel sooooo guilty after this. That stopped me. Also, because I was very weak that time I didn't want to test myself anymore. So, when he would call saying he needed to come by and pick up his stuff, I told him to meet me in a very public place in the daytime. By the way, I hear you about the sex, but remember, you can teach a man how to love you right. Trust me, when you start telling him what you want in the beginning, (that's when they really want to please YOU), things work out.
Don't forget that you are a CATCH! Any man would be lucky to have you.
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So Im in a long distance relationship for the longest. Endured alot over the years. The difference here from most LDR, is that he works as a truck driver that requires him to travel all over the U.S. This is something that will never change And given recent events he will not change as well. I have come to a conclusion that i am very tired, I am not in a normal relationship, it feels very hopeless and endless. I am truely ready for change, and leave him for myself. not for anybody. but for me.
The problem is every-time he comes home, (by the way, we have a son together which makes it more difficult) I keep sleeping with him.....
The man is hands down, great in bed with the ability to give multiple orgasms. I am still attractive to him, LOve him, but im not happy!! Im stuck, I know what i need to do, but when its time to say NO to this Drug I can't help it. .... ONly to spirial back. and continue this cycle.
I know what needs to get done, I don't know how to find the strength anymore.