Post # 1
My friend told me about this website and I have been lurking for the past few weeks but decided to come out of hiding to ask a question. It’s a little embarrassing. I’m wondering how happy ya’ll are with your sex lives? I am happily married but many days I feel extremely sexually unsatisfied. I have always been a more sexual person than my husband and it was clear from the beginning that we were mismatched, but I loved him so much I overlooked it. The main issues are that he doesn’t want it often, it’s always the same (boring), never the least bit dirty or kinky, he doesn’t have favorite body parts of mine, or ever say he wants me, and we have virtually no foreplay. When I ask for it, its not really good anyway, so I often also just decide to skip it. We schedule sex by saying “We need to make love” because it’s been a certain amount of time. I miss making out and being wanted and lusted for. I fantasize about exes who even though I loved them less, I was so much more satisfied. Sometimes I want to cry because I feel like I will never feel sexually alive again. Please don’t recommend therapy because we discussed this so much already in therapy and it didn’t really change, I just decided to accept it because I love him so much and can’t picture walking away just for this. I have mentioned it to him since then but fear saying too much because I don’t want to hurt his feelings and make it worse. I feel like we are just good friends at this point but yet I can’t imagine unraveling my life because of this. I often wish I could though. Also I try buying things like sex toys and even sexy videos but he’s really shy about this. I know sometimes he masturbates when I am not home but I can’t even blame him because I do too. I don’t know what to do. If anyone can help I would really be grateful. Thank you.
Post # 3
Please go and buy the book Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch. It is an amazing book for couples, written by a sex therapist. It’s got stories of real couples and what he did with them in therapy, but it also has a lot of theory, etc. about intimacy, sex, love, marriage, and more. There’s a big difference between couples therapy and sex therapy, and I think that could be why therapy was ineffective for you. Also, it’s hard to find a good therapist, I hear so many stories from my clients, it’s disturbing. Anyways, this book is outstanding, please go to amazon and buy it straight away!
Post # 4
Wow. First off that sucks that it seems to be such a distressing point for u. I suffer from a dissorder that makes it very painful/difficalt for my Fiance and I do have sex. I has effected me sex drive A LOT. We used to go at it like rabbits and then one day a few months after having my son we were having sex and it just kinda clamped down and forced him out. I’ve talked to my Gyno and he just kinda says there isn’t anythign to do about it. It’s hurt my sexual ego very deeply. but when we can manage to have sex I think I helps to drop hints all day. I get extra touchy, and txt him that i can’t wait for him to get home and things like that. it helps me get into it as well as getting him riled up. I also thing that, this may seem stupid, but taking a shower together gets us more into it too. sometimes we barely make it out of the bathroom. I’m not possitive that any of this will help you but maybe if u show a really stong interest in him he’ll reciprocate. if nothing else tell him that sex is important part of ur relationship and u feel like it’s being neglected. u don’t even have to be sex! but something that makes u feel loved in that kind of way. I hope that his helped at least a little bit. Good Luck Hun!
Post # 5
I would totally try and tease him and withhold… I know, its awful right… Just like… get him drunk and tease him, then leave him hanging… maybe after a couple times he’ll just unleash the beast and you’ll be on a whole nother sexual level. A girl can dream, hm? I too feel like I want sex more than my FH… but its been getting better since I’ve tried harder to be a little more aggressive and confident… good luck to you… I hope you figure it out…
Post # 6
Have you ever asked him why he jackurbates when you are not home? For some men, it’s easier to jackurbate than to please a woman. Having sex involves work and some men would rather not be bothered unfortunately. I think in some cases it boils down to laziness. I second the suggestion to purchase that book. I’ve heard good things about it.
Post # 7
I also sometimes like to tease him. I will sometimes tell him things jokingly that someone said to me in the day or noticed about me. And he feels that other men are lusting after me and he really needs to ‘mark his territory’ so he’ll have some crazy, rough sex. Though this can only work in your favour if your S.O is self-confident.
Post # 9
Try different sex games, positions, ect… see if that works 🙂