Post # 1
My fiance is a leuitenant in the Army and we’re going back and forth about whether or not he should wear his dress uniform at the wedding. The main reasons I’m not pro-uniform are (1) it doesn’t fit well with the wedding, and (2) this isn’t a military wedding or marriage.
As for this not being a military wedding – while he currently is on active duty, when we get married he’ll have been in the reserves for almost a year with no plans to return to active service. Further the military has never really been part of “our” lives; I’ve been a student in a different city the entire time he’s been on active duty, so we’ve never lived on the base or been a part of the military life as a couple. I’m a big believer in the wedding representing the couple (not just the bride nor the groom).
As far as not fitting well with the wedding – we’re having a pretty modern wedding, the wedding isn’t super formal, no one else will be in military uniform, and the vast majority of the guests will be civilian.
Am I completely off base in pushing for him to foregoe the uniform and wear a suit?
Post # 2
rlhatten: He is probably very proud of his service and I have seen many military men wear their uniforms for the wedding.
I have the opposite “problem”. FI has been out of the military now for a few years so he doesn’t want to wear his uniform though I’d love for him to. But he wants a tailored suit and I want him to wear what he wants.
Not about your wedding in particular, since I don’t know you, but so much about weddings in general is about the bride, you should let him have this if it’s what he wants.
Post # 3
I think you should let him wear what he wants. He served his country and is proud to wears it’s uniform, as he should be and is something that you should be proud to support. Because it doesn’t fit with what you believe or want to be the ascetic of the day is irrelevant and quite one sided, you did choose your dress on your own, why can’t he?
Just because he will be in the reserves after his active duty still means he is in the military and still serving his country. It will be apart of your lives. Also, It’s part of what shaped him into the man you have.
Post # 4
Good feed back, thank you both. I needed an un-biased sounding board for some perspective – time to take yall’s advise! Chalk this up to the first of many compromises 🙂
Post # 5
My fiancé is full time AGR. He is going to wear his uniform for the ceremony and a suit for the reception.
Post # 6
rlhatten: That’s a good attitude to have going into marriage! 🙂 Best of luck!
Post # 7
He should wear it if that’s what he wants to wear. He’s not telling you what wedding dress to wear. It doesn’t matter how connected you feel or didn’t feel towards his career it’s what it means to him and for as much as he has sacrificed to serve his country active duty and reserved, no one should be allowed to take that away from him.
My dad is retired AF. He served 26 years and the military is a big part of who I am today, but it’s not at all like that for my husband, his family, or our college friends our wedding was college sweethearts, we got married on our college campus, had our college colors, and had a young wedding guest list ready to party, but my dad knew it was important for me so he lost the weight he gained after being retired for nearly 4 years and wore it with pride. Oh and when I say retired I just mean from active duty Air Force, he is now a private contractor overseas who supports military efforts so he is still serving his country and is deployed 6 months out of the year in a very dangerous location. For the second half of the reception he changed into a nice vest and tie instead so he could be more comfortable and eat and dance more. It’s all about compromise.
Post # 8
But uniforms are so sexy and probably an important part of who he is you should be proud of him also he should wear what he wants to wear its his day too.
Post # 9
Like PP, I really wanted DH to wear uniform for our wedding, but he was dead set on wearing a suit. I suppose our circumstances were a bit different because he was in a uniformed profession at the time of our wedding. We also met in the army, and it was a huge part of our lives in one form or another for a long time. Between us, we chalked up something like 15 years of association with the military in one form or another. I would have loved a uniform wedding, but I eventually decided that it had to be the groom’s decision, and as the groom sets the tone for the guests’ dress codes as much as the bride, uniforms were out.
My feeling is that you have to balance the groom’s desire with the social appropriateness of wearing the uniform. I do know that it would be considered inappropriate for a non-serving member to wear a uniform here, but this largely depends on what “non-serving” means. Do the reserves train regularly and have certain operation commitments in the US? If so, I would still probably count that as current service… and I would probably say that a uniform is OK in that case.