Post # 1
Does anyone else have a fiance who shows no interest in the wedding planning? It looks like I’m going to be doing everything myself! I’m upset and angry bur despite lots of arguments where he has criticsed me for being too excited and spending too much time and effort on planning (we marry this October) he says he only cares about being married to me and doesn’t understand why so much planning and decision making needs to be done. I have given him only 2 tasks to do but he hasn’t done anything about them. He says there is no rush. I am at the end if my tether and so upset that when we should be working together and being a team he has deserted me. Really not sure how I can make him understand: he’s making me feel ashamed of being so excited in the wedding. Help please!!!!
Post # 3
I’m going to be blunt here: Weddings are for the bride.
Ultimately, men don’t care. They just want to marry their wife and move on. When I first started wedding planning, I was taking on the world and I expected my (then) not-boyfriend [Fiance, I just hate the term] to be by my side. But truthfully, he didn’t care. At all.
He sat me down and he told me he loved me, and truthfully, all he wanted to do was marry me. He didn’t care about the flowers, the food, colors, who sat where or who said what. At the end of the day, he just wanted to marry me.
After him telling me this, it felt more like it was my job and less of “He’s just pushing this off on me so he doesn’t have to do it” and I was okay with it.
Generally, men don’t care. That’s just how it is. They’re not going to care about your makeup, or your bouquet, or what order the bridesmaids are in, or where it happens.
They just want to marry you.
Post # 4
It’s just a difference between men and women. Don’t take it personally. My fiance is the same way. Could not care less about flowers, tablecloths, centerpieces, or what “colors” we have. He DID come for the food and cake tasting and has helped with the registry a bit. But other than that it has been 100% me. I chose the venue, I set the date, I selected the invitations and ordered them, I found all the decorations and will be assembling them (with my friends help), I found the band, the photographer, and the caterer. He will be in charge of finding his own suit. That’s about it.
Don’t feel bad. It’s just women get more excited about all that stuff and men have a hard time understanding that. As long as he shows up when needed and is excited to marry you that’s all you really need!
Post # 5
Wedding planning is really up to the Bride, but in saying that when FI was bestman for his friend late last year it opened his eyes to how much work it actually is!!
Post # 6
My fiance really doesn’t care about the details of the wedding. It just simply doesn’t matter to him. If I wanted the wedding colors to be sky blue and schoolbus yellow, he would just roll with it. There is no amount of cajoling or begging I could do to make this matter to him. He’d just as happily go to the courthouse. On the other hand, he has been careful about saving money and saved a significant monetary gift he received upon graduating from college to fund our wedding. But he would’ve been just as happy to use that money for us to elope and have a bitchin’ vacation.
If you really want him to help, task him with something that will actually be interesting to him. For instance, perhaps he would be interested in planning the honeymoon? I think there are few things less interesting in the world to my fiance whether I want to use organza or tulle ribbon, or whether the centerpieces should be orchids or hydrangeas. He just does not operate on that sort of a detail level.
Post # 7
Unfortunately I have to agree with all the above posts! Men… they just don’t care about the details. Try not to stress too much about it. The less you nag him about it, the happier the both of you will be. 😛
Post # 8
I don’t know about yall but this future bride doesn’t want the wedding, MY SO does. I wouldn’t generalize men like that. A lot of guys I know look forward to the wedding and reception to see old friends and party hardy. They also like the celebration of their love and being viewed as men.
If your dude isn’t so into it, give him good things to think about like food and music. He may not find flowers too terribly interesting =0p Also maybe point out how lucky he is to have a girl who likes doing that stuff since we all clearly do not!
Post # 9
My man is getting super involved in the wedding, and doing lots of DIY projects. He told me guys are visual.They like to see things, to be given visual options.
Post # 10
Thank you, I am glad to hear this is on the whole normal behaviour! However he gets impatient with me spending time on the pc planning or researching things and says he doesn’t know how it can be so complicated. I still do all the things I used to do, hobbies and stuff, and spend a lot of time just hanging out with him not talking wedding but he still doesn’t understand what a big deal it is. Also sometimes I choose something, tell him about it and he’s critical of it, eg “bunting will make it look like the jubilee” but he doesn’t offer any alternatives!
Post # 11
@Litbystars: says he doesn’t know how it can be so complicated
You: “That’s interesting. If it’s so simple, why haven’t you done the two things I asked you to do?” LOL! More seriously, if you care about the stuff he’s been “assigned,” you might want to just do it yourself if you think he’s going to require lots of prompting to get it done. Better for your relationship and the end result of the wedding.
Post # 12
@Hyperventilate: This isn’t entirely true! My FH is all over having wedding opinions and has a lot of good ideas (and bad ones lol) sometimes I think he’s more into it than I am. If I had my way entirely we’d be eloping on a beach in Thailand or somewhere, and he wants a big fancy wedding!
Not that he’s willing to do a lot of the work, but for us, I’m more the “I just want to marry you” one… though I have decided that since this is a thing we’re doing now (slight sigh) I want to have fun and do it right.
The only thing I wish he’d do more of is help me fold paper cranes.
Post # 13
My DH was completely involved in the planning. He and his ex used to own an event planning business, so he really understands the whole process and his input was valuable.
I know he’s one in a million.
I think it’s normal for most guys to want to stay out of it and just be told when and where to show up. It really is all for the bride.
It would be like making us choose a zillion little car parts and expect us to be excited about it.
Post # 14
the bride more often will care infinitely more about the wedding than the groom.
Post # 15
My fi is the same, as i think the majority of men are. He blatantly said ” i cant wait until its overwith” which sparked an argument because it felt like he just didnt care at all. =c however i know he does care but he just wants to be with me and not deal with the drama. The only thing ive left him with is his own outfit, ive taken care of everything else so far and i dont have an issue with it.. so long as he listens when i need to talk to someone about it, which normally he does! all n all i think hes good with it, you really cant expect much from a man who doesnt want to do shit right? dont take it as he doesnt care though, hes just a man. Ive taken to talking to my MOH for oppinions and just letting FI know how things are going just so i dont spark arguments anymore!
Post # 16
@Litbystars: Welcome to marriage! There will probably be lots of other things you two won’t see eye to eye on, so this is a great lesson in dealing with conflict. Most men don’t get into this kind of stuff, but yes there are exceptions of course. You may never get him to care about tablecloths, but you can learn to deal with it differently.
I normally did all the up front research, then presented my H with 3 ideas and he just chose. I made it easy for him!
Do you feel that his lack of interest translate into a lack of marrying you? Be honest with him, instead of getting angry and upset. Try to find your true reasons for why you are angry. He said he just wants to get married, doesn’t get why all this planning is necessary. He’s not a reincarnated mini you, so maybe things need to be toned down or you just have to do it yourself?