Weddingbee boards

We specified a number for each guest/party on all of our invitations to make it clear that we could only afford a certain amount of guests.  My parents are footing the bill for the wedding, and we are banking on 200.  The guy and I really wanted to keep the number down as much as possible because that was our original intention and each plate comes to about 35.00 per person. 

Keep in mind- I am Native American and am hosting the wedding in my hometown and we have a HUGE family.  Some that I'm close with, some that I'm not, and some that I do not see very often at all were invited.  In our culture and my family, it's our way to share everything, offer things when needed and honor and respect your elders. 

I got an RSVP from a great aunt yesterday who we specified 2 seats for... she marked it out and put 5!!!

I actually cried. 

Up until the last few weeks... things have been smooth sailing with the wedding planning.  I didn't want to stress about all of that b/c it's supposed to be a time to remember.  I found I was a very low-maintence bride and tried not to sweat the small stuff. 

About 3 weeks ago, my fiance broke his ankle, and it's been a whirlwind since then with surgery and him being out of work.  Now, we are getting our RSVP's back and still have 12 days until the deadline.  No matter who I talk to- they simply tell me "you have to tell them no.  Tell them that you can't afford to invite extras because you only have a certain amount of seats. (but in a polite way)" 

Easier said than done. 

How do you tell a great aunt that you can't invite your second cousins because you haven't seen them in years... or that you can't afford the extra 110.00 for her 3 extra guests?  My parents are so ho-hum about it, like- we can pay the extra if necessary.  Isn't the point of a guest list for your wedding to be special to those close to you?  That's what we wanted.  No fluff. 

It's so easy to give advice on this topic- but really hard to be the bad guy.  It makes my stomach sick to have to tell idk how many people they can't invite extra people.  It's just a lot of people and I'm anticipating the worst since we've only got about 20 rsvps back so far. 

I have never once said, it's about me, but I finally got reassurance last night from a cousin of mine.  "Just remember that it's your day... and shame on those people for putting you in an akward situation."

She actually offered to help me call those people if I needed. YES, PLEASE. If I tell people they cannot come, I am the bridezilla... :)  We'll see if she can be the bad guy so I don't have to worry about it so much or unless she was just being nice.  I may do notecards so I don't have to have the akward face to face- even then, I need to know WHO they have invited with them. 

Any creative solutions to help a girl feel better?... ;)

Just bite the bullet and get it over with! I had a cousin who tried to add in her kids (we had a no kids wedding due to budget and size constraints) and I was really dreading calling her, but at some point you just have to do it. In the end she understood when I explained why we couldn't have them and hopefully your great aunt will understand as well. I know it's difficult, but just try to explain it to her as nicely as possible and remember that SHE'S the one who is being rude to put you in this situation.

Hahaha-- thanks to you all.  I'm getting the nerve up as we speak.  I think it's just day one of having to do this kind of stuff.

Oy! This gets me every time I see it - the idea that you just CROSS OUT what the bride and groom wrote on your invite! Apparently it is fairly common, though.

Your great aunt is probably just unaware of the situation and that this is not supposed to be done. I think you have a great gift in your cousin's offer to talk to her and I would totally take it!

It seems that most people understand the logic to do this, except for my mom.  She still insists that we can make room for more.  I had a breakdown talking with her and it didn't end too well.  It's really hard to move forward without their support.  Increasing the guestlist day by day isn't what Gibby and I wanted, so we're trying to get through it without letting us stress too bad at the moment.  

I still have a little bit before we get most of our RSVP's.  I took a break from the guestlist and went camping with the man yesterday!  :)  It was nice not to have to worry about the guest list and enjoy our engagement and planning together.  I will most likely pick back up again this week and send out my cordial notecards.  The great aunt's grandaughter is also pretty supportive... her take on everything, "tell them no."  She's going to feel it out and figure out who she wanted to bring to the wedding- the four other guests.  I'm actually curious at this point.  I think mostly my freakout was due to the potential of uninvited guests, including ones I won't know about until the day. 

It should be interesting, but will be handled.  My shower is this weekend- so i can revisit with the cousin who offered to call people.  :D

Thanks, but I am great with making my own decisions and confrontation, if necessary.  Weddings are pretty much a different story, especially when I have one month left to handle things like this too.

I'm back to reality after my frustrations, thanks for all of the advice bees!

Honestly, if your parents are willing to pay the extra money and she is the only one that did this, then just let it go.  If it makes her feel better to have her family with her than why make yourself so upset about it?  There is plently other things that require your attention.  Things will happen at your wedding that aren't on the plan ... but you just have to roll with it and not let it ruin your day!  Take the approach of "The more the merrier ... if my parents are willing to pay for it!"

Such great viewpoints b/c I went through them all.  Anger, remorse, and oh well!  :)

Thanks everyone.  I'm going to revisit this next week when my RSVP's are due.  In the meantime, we are admiring our e-pics, planning for my shower, buying our parent's gifts and getting the DJ squared away.  I'm almost there!

Phew!

Good luck with this.  I haven't hit this issue yet, but my invites haven't been sent.  We may have this issue with kids... we aren't inviting them, but not specifying an adults-only reception.  We figure that most will want a night out, but who knows?

Good luck!

Just an update, MOH and my other cousin helped me with this.  My great aunt's party ended up with 3 instread of 5 (or the 9, she started adding on more afterward).  I think we did a great job keeping the guestlist in check, but there definitely were crashers!  We were expecting around 215 and I think we ended up 207 who actually ate at the reception.