Post # 1
So it is less than a week to our wedding and I just now heard that one of the guests (family member of FI) will be bringing a girlfriend. Said guest never returned his RSVP but I heard through his mom that he was coming – no mention of a plus one, and he was invited on his own – at the time the invitations were sent out he was single.
FI and I wanted very much to KNOW our guests. I have given the wedding reception caterer a number and a check. FI, who is hosting the rehearsal dinner has given his number and payment to his caterer. We have made up place cards and escort cards.
Is there any tactful way, at this late hour, to discourage a guest from bringing an uninvited date?
Post # 2
Astra: Given that he never rsvp’d, I would phone him to confirm whether or not he is coming.
When he says “there will be two of us” I would say “I am sorry, there must have been some misunderstanding. We are not able to accomodate extra guests. If that means you will not be able to attend, we will miss you at the wedding.”
Post # 3
Yes. Just call and explain politely that his inviation was for himself only and that there will not be room for an extra guest as the seating and payments have already been worked out.
Post # 4
Just call him and explain that he is only invited, no plus one, that if he does bring her there will be no food, no seat for her.
Post # 5
You shouldn’t be relying on “he heard through FI’s mom” in the first place. FI needs to phone his relative and clarify – in fact he should have done this anyway when the RSVP didn’t come. When FI phones. if the relative says he’ll be bringing a date, FI then needs to say, “Sorry, that’s not possible. There are no extra seats and everything is paid for.” If the guest protests, FI can then say, “Well we had no way of knowing because unfortunately we never got your RSVP“.
That may mean he won’t attend, but by the sound of things it’s no great loss. Don’t try talk him into attending alone, just accept it and put it down to being a misunderstanding.
There is no really tactful way to handle this, but that’s not your fault. What the guest is doing is incredibly rude, and sometimes rudeness needs a little bluntness in response.
Post # 6
Agree with PP. That sucks though.
Post # 7
I would be really pissed. I am very organized and HATE it when people don’t RSVP to things and just show up anyway. I mean sometimes it’s the more the merrier but at an event where food and drinks and seating aren’t flexible, it’s unconscionably rude just show up and expect to be provided for. I agree with aussiemum1248: you had no way of knowing.
Nothing is more annoying to me than rude people getting uppity and offended when people stick up for themselves against rude/selfish people. I know way too many people like that and I’m dreading dealing with this kind of thing when my special day comes. Good luck!
Post # 8
julies1949: Trilly: Jacqui90: aussiemum1248: MRSsrm85: romantic@heart: My thanks to all for the replies, advice and dose of courage! Although I can’t say he seems to comprehend his error, he does now understand that she was not, and is not, invited, and he says he will be attending on his own. I sure hope so!
Post # 9
Astra: Great! I’m sure that wasn’t an easy conversation, but I’m glad it’s sorted out. All the best for your big day! <3
Post # 10
I would hate it if a guest brought a plus one unexpectly or brought a plus one when your fi’s family members gf is not invited but I would personally let your fi’s family member bring his date because this person who is your fi’s family and knowing that this person is your family too, his new gf could be your family someday and I just think it would be nice to include your fi’s familys gf.
Post # 11
Astra: CAll him, find out if he’s coming, and tell him he’s the only one invited. I don’t think at this stage YOU are the one that needs to be concerned with tact.