uninvited plus one less than a week ahead – tact needed

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
42135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Astra:  Given that he never rsvp’d, I would phone him to confirm whether or not he is coming.

When he says “there will be two of us” I would say “I am sorry, there must have been some misunderstanding. We are not able to accomodate extra guests. If that means you will not be able to attend, we will miss you at the wedding.”

Post # 3
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Yes. Just call and explain politely that his inviation was for himself only and that there will not be room for an extra guest as the seating and payments have already been worked out.

Post # 4
9204 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

Just call him and explain that he is only invited, no plus one, that if he does bring her there will be no food, no seat for her.

Post # 5
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You shouldn’t be relying on “he heard through FI’s mom” in the first place. FI needs to phone his relative and clarify – in fact he should have done this anyway when the RSVP didn’t come. When FI phones. if the relative says he’ll be bringing a date, FI then needs to say, “Sorry, that’s not possible. There are no extra seats and everything is paid for.” If the guest protests, FI can then say, “Well we had no way of knowing because unfortunately we never got your RSVP“.

That may mean he won’t attend, but by the sound of things it’s no great loss. Don’t try talk him into attending alone, just accept it and put it down to being a misunderstanding.

There is no really tactful way to handle this, but that’s not your fault. What the guest is doing is incredibly rude, and sometimes rudeness needs a little bluntness in response.

Post # 6
2694 posts
Sugar bee

Agree with PP. That sucks though. 

Post # 7
52 posts
Worker bee

I would be really pissed. I am very organized and HATE it when people don’t RSVP to things and just show up anyway. I mean sometimes it’s the more the merrier but at an event where food and drinks and seating aren’t flexible, it’s unconscionably rude just show up and expect to be provided for. I agree with aussiemum1248:  you had no way of knowing. 


Nothing is more annoying to me than rude people getting uppity and offended when people stick up for themselves against rude/selfish people. I know way too many people like that and I’m dreading dealing with this kind of thing when my special day comes. Good luck! 

Post # 9
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Astra:  Great! I’m sure that wasn’t an easy conversation, but I’m glad it’s sorted out. All the best for your big day! <3

Post # 10
906 posts
Busy bee

I would hate it if a guest brought a plus one unexpectly or brought a plus one when your fi’s family members gf is not invited but I would personally let your fi’s family member bring his date because this person who is your fi’s family and knowing that this person is your family too, his new gf could be your family someday and I just think it would be nice to include your fi’s familys gf. 

Post # 11
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Astra:  CAll him, find out if he’s coming, and tell him he’s the only one invited. I don’t think at this stage YOU are the one that needs to be concerned with tact. 

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