Post # 1
Story time: I have read all of the posts on here about uninviting people who have already received STD card (now I understand why some people chose not to do them) so I had decided everyone we sent cards to was FOR sure getting an invite….until today. At my brother’s bday lunch my cousin (he’s 40) informed us that his mom received a letter from his dad (my uncle, my dad’s brother) saying that after 17 years of paying her the retirement money she was entitled to (they were married 20 years) he has decided to STOP paying her. This letter came Dec 1. What an A**hole!! She didn’t get any warning, or anything. She currently lives with my cousin, and his brother and his 2 kids because since their divroce she hasn’t been able to live on their own. So, my mom was OUTRAGED when she heard this and told my cousin to help his mom take his dad to an atty because she’s supposed to get the money for life. THe convo went on and on and she kept saying what a low life he is and how dare he (it’s my dad, her now ex’s, older brother). I then remembered that I was inviting them to the wedding. Uh oh…. DRAMA!!! I told my mom I have to invite them because I sent a STD. I haven’t spoken to these relatives in over 10 years, maybe longer. My FI hasn’t even met them. So my mom said their invite should just get “lost” in the mail…..My issue with that is that what is they were already planning a trip out here? They live across the country? We don’t talk to anybody who talks to them who could casually find out if they were planning on coming….I don’t know what to do? I don’t want drama at the wedding but I know if this uncle and his wife comes my cousin and his mom will definitely say something (not ruin the wedding but probably at the end when everyone is leaving)…..Can I just LOSE the invite?
Post # 3
I would ask your aunt to not say anything at the wedding. It is her business and a family event is not the place to air it.
I would also keep out of it as it is between your aunt and uncle. You don’t have the full story only what your aunt has told you.
Post # 4
This is a family situation that doesn’t involve you at all. If your relatives can’t be mature enough to deal with it outside of your wedding, thats on THEM, not you. Hopefully the relative has enough common sense to decline the invite if there is a lot of family discord going on, but trust me, you don’t want to get yourself involved by uninviting someone. I had major family drama going on around my wedding, the relative in question had the decency not to show up, the other relatives knew that even if he did show up, they would need to be grownups about it, and I kept myself uninvolved in their bullshit – thats really the best way.
Post # 5
@j_jaye: You are right Thanks!! The problem is the Aunt isn’t blood. The uncle is (dad’s brother). I know it’s not my drama and doesn’t involve me but now that I know that he did that I don’t know that I want him around either…..
I do know I need to send the invite and just kinda hope he doesn’t come. You are right, he probably won’t especially since NOBODY in the family talks to them anymore. WEll, there is one uncle who still talks to them. So there is a chance he will come because that uncle is coming. Oh man this is so difficult!
Post # 6
@BartenderPlease: I agree.
I wouldn’t involve yourself in their conflict, OP.
Post # 7
How does your dad feel about it? You call your dad “her now ex”, so your parents are separated, so your mother would have no love for your dad or his brother, so your mother’s likely to be biased. At the very least you need to get uncle’s side of the story via your dad. But probably best, like others say, is to stay out of it. And it sounds like there’s a good chance uncle won’t come anyway.
In any case, divorced couples (i.e. your aunt and uncle) should always be seated well apart unless they’re on friendly terms.