- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2014
This is so much drama, sorry to be long but I want to include necessary info. This is a very strange situation, but I am really needing advice because I don’t know what to do. Skip to the end paragraph for the short version.
Long term Background info: I went to college and was in a sorority, of which about 10-15 of us live in cities near eachother now. It has been 5 years since we graduated and while some of us are not as close as before, we still do monthly-ish dinners. We all come to eachother’s birthdays, celebrate life achievements like grad school, moving away parties, etc. I want to preface this story with the fact that these girls are my friends, but not like a close friend that you see once or twice a week.
Short Term Background Info:
Three of us are engaged right now. So we will say Amy, Jessica, and myself (my wedding is not until next fall so I haven’t even started planning festivities). Not real names, by the way.
Amy had all of her festivities late summer (bachlorette, bridal shower, and a special sorority alumn party). I knew from a prior conversation with her that she was having a 75 person wedding. Being completely honest, I would not expect to be invited to the wedding that size once you add both their families and her close friends. I am more of an aquaintance to Amy at this point in our life. However, I got to sit and look at Facebook photos of ALL our sisters who live in these cities….even the ones who never comes to the monthly-ish dinners, having so much fun at her bridal, bachlorette, and the special party. I felt really hurt and left out.
You can invite, or not invite anyone you want to your wedding – and sometimes depending on the venue you can’t invite everyone you would like to. So please understand when I say that I am not sad about not being invited to her wedding. I am sad about being left out of the activities for it.
I decided that the right thing to do would be NOT to contact her or make a fuss about being left out because it’s HER choice.
One of her bridesmaids calls me 3 days before the wedding (also one of our ‘sisters’) and asks if I am going. “What are you talking about?” I asked. She said “Amy told me you and (insert Fiance name) RSVP and are coming to the wedding.” I said, “I never got an invitation, and I haven’t been invited to any of the other activities so I legitimatly do not know what you are talking about.” At this point I was like….do I call the bride Amy and ask her? No I don’t want to bother her 3 days before her wedding. If she wanted me there she would have reached out to me.
So then the day after the wedding, her Maid/Matron of Honor Jessica contacts me to ask why I didn’t come to the wedding. I told Jessica, our other friend asked me the same question but I never was invited. I admited to her how sad I felt feeling left out of the activities leading up to the wedding. Jessica told me “No offense but you weren’t on the list to be invited to anything” So then I said “Then why would I be at a wedding I wasn’t invited to?” Jessica says “Amy (the bride) said she wrote you a private message on Facebook 3 days before the wedding asking you to come. She even had placecards for your and Fiance.”
Long story short: This girl who is now an aquaintance of mine lied to her bridal party saying she invited me to her wedding 3 days before the wedding. Told them that I RSVP yes. Then created place cards, knowing that I wouldn’t show up. So it now looks like she had to cover the cost of TWO plates and that I just chose not to show up. WHAT THE FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF? What would you do? The last thing I want to do is call Amy the bride and say what I am really feeling which would go something like this: “Why did you do this? You are the bride you can invite or not invite whoever you want. Why would you lie about inviting me? Why not just NOT invite me? Why lie about it and then make it look to EVERY ONE THERE that I am just acting like a B**** and just flaked out? You made me look like a jerk, and I didn’t even do anything to you!!!”
Do I let this go and let everyone think that I just flaked out on this wedding? Do I confront her? I would like to just let it go and do nothing and make peace with it. BUT, what do I say when other girls ask???? As I mentioned in my first paragraph, I am engaged and the Maid/Matron of Honor Jessica is also engaged. All of her activities/festivities will be coming up and Amy is going to be at all of them! What do I do/say?
It is so completely random that she picked me out of our whole group to do this to. We are not close and we are not enemies. If she just left me out completely I would feel better. But now I feel like she is making me look like some kind of fraud/bitch/jerk