Post # 1
I have been struggling with this since we got engaged. So I thought I would ask some outside advice, maybe you guys can help resolve our situation…
My Fiance’s mother is divorced, not an amicable kind of divorced, the kind of divorce where the cops were involved and his father went to jail… He doesn’t want his father (lets call him Jim Bob) there at all (which I agree with)! However, Jim Bob’s side of the family is being invited (great aunts & uncles, reg aunts & uncles etc) and I know for a fact that they have invited him to come…
In my head I know Jim Bob is going to show up, then there will be yelling, and potentially fist fighting (and on the more dramatic side of my nightmares someone ends up in jail, or with broken limbs, yes it is that serious) but I don’t know how to keep him out. If someone has a solution I would LOVE to hear it!
Yes that side of the family is aware that Jim Bob isn’t welcome, but because of their religous beliefs they think he should have a second (or third, or forth, or fifth…) chance.
Again, neither I nor my fiance want him anywhere near our wedding or reception!
Post # 3
As it is unlikely that he will be fighting with his side of the family, it is up to your other guests to stay calm and not get involved. There will only be fighting if your FI, his mother, or others get involved.
It is hard when you obviously don’t want him there, but the reality of the situation is, that if he shows up, just ignore him.
Post # 4
Maybe your FI should call him and let him know he is not invited. I would suggest security, but i could also see that ending a up in a huge fight between the security gueard and the father or his family. Its kind of messed up that his father’s family cant respect your wishes not to invite him. I hope it all works out though.
Post # 5
In most towns/cities, you can hire off-duty police officers as security to work any event. The cost is not that high. While working an off-duty job, they can be in uniform (or in plain clothes, if you prefer), are armed and can arrest any trespassers, should it come down to that.
One of these would do wonders for keeping JimBob off of the premises.
Post # 6
I know an off duty officer is included in my venue’s price. It was only like $100 for 4 hours of his time. I would find one and get him a picture of Jim Bob with instructions that he is not allowed in.
Would you FI be willing to talk to his side of the family about what they’re doing? They are showing disrespect to y’all by ingnoring your wishes that he not be invited.
I’m sorry you have to deal with such a sucky situation on such a happy day. Good luck!
Post # 7
I agree with BRbee. Maybe your FI can talk to someone in his side of the family about the issue and your concerns. They should respect what YOU want for YOUR day. Maybe they aren’t even planning on him showing up? Atleast if you find out or talk with them it might calm your worries!
Post # 8
I agree with PPs that the first step is to make it clear not just to his father, but his father’s family, that he is not welcome. I would let them all know that you plan to have security, and if he shows up, he will be escorted out. Hopefully that will be enough to make the point, but I would seriously consider actually hiring security to enforce it.