Post # 1
Pre-warning :This is a vent so please allow me my moment of whiny, childlike behavior. I am 100% committed to my SO and our relationship and I know he is 100% committed to me so that is not an issue.
SO and I were supposed to purchase our house this year so we spend the last year saving up, raising our credit scores and narrowing down what we wanted in a home. We are on the same page, however, SO and I would also like another child. I turn 35 this year, so time is an issue. I also suffered from gravidarum hyperemesis during my last pregnancy and will likely have it again with my next pregnancy and in general without TMI have a hard time carrying a child to term. Long story short, I will be unable to work while pregnant due to extreme sickness and fatigue and we would both like me to stay home with the child a minimum of 6 months when he or she arrives (so approximately a year and a half of me not working). Although we both make good money, I make slightly more than SO and my lack of income would significantly impact our lifestyles. Anyway, with this in mind we decided to rent a house and hold off on purchasing a home since we would be on one income (his) and this option would be cheaper but would still give us a nice home for our children.
The rental market here is BRUTAL and there is no time to hesitate so finding us a place has been stressful!!!! We finally got to the point where we gave up because constantly calling flaky agents, running to open houses, seeing place after place after place, that were just not right, we decided to give it a break for a while because it was emotionally draining us. Anyway, we had one last showing to attend and decided after this one we would take a break on looking for a few months, emotionally refresh, and try again later. We go and its PERFECT; large, clean, GREAT neighborhood, close to both our jobs and my daughter’s school (so she could stay in the same school), great outdoor space for barbecuing ect. I mean simply perfect and the price would allow us to survive on one income… so obviously there was A LOT of interest in this place.
So we meet the credit requirements (we both have excellent credit, check), more than qualify for the income requirement since we priced it based on one income (double check), passed the background check with flying colors (check). Wonderful the landlord loves us blah blah and it looks like we got it!! UNTIL they saw that we were not married when conducting the background check (no marriage license on record for either of us). The landlord “does not wish to rent to unmarried couples” because he had a bad experience before when the man left the woman and she couldn’t pay the rent.
I literally felt like a popped balloon since we REALLY wanted this home. SO has had my ring since February and still has it so I am still waiting. SO tells the agent but we are engaged and getting married and in my head I’m like really? Really? No dum dum we aren’t because for reasons unbeknownst to me you HAVE STILL NOT PROPOSED and the ring has been collecting dust for months. UGGGGG and no I do not think my SO is a dum dum so please don’t take that literally, but I am so annoyed with everything right now. This is the first time I have been genuinely irritated with “waiting,” and now I am agitated and on edge. I can’t talk to him about this because he just doesn’t get it, so I am here, feeling very much deflated.
Post # 2
That is super annoying, I am so sorry that they are discriminating against you. I have to deal with the same thing with my SO and it drives me crazy. We are also in our 30s and have our whole life together (house, baby, etc) but haven’t decided when we are getting married yet (just not our top priority). Ever since the baby people ask us ALL THE TIME if we are getting married and I say not yet or they ask if he is my fiance and I say no he gets pissed..Well, I don’t have a ring lol. I am not bitter and I don’t need one, but he needs to not get pissed or want to lie when I am telling the truth lol
Post # 3
Well my ex husband walked out on me after 10 years of marriage- so being a married couple is no guarantee. The landlord is dumb.
Post # 4
I’m not sure where you’re located, but familial discrimination is illegal where I’m from, so the landlord cannot legally tell you that he won’t rent his property out to a certain type of family. I’m not sure what you want to do with that information because I know I wouldn’t want to rent from someone who I’ve basically forced to allow me to rent the home since he would probably take it out on you, but perhaps it is worth reporting.
Post # 5
beetee123: I’m a lawyer in another jurisdiction but I can almost guarantee that a private person can rent their property to whoever they want. Usually private people aren’t bound by such laws, like a landlord can choose to rent their property only for a female if they so wish.
Post # 6
in many jurisdictions, landlords who own under a certain amount of properties are exempt from any equal housing laws and can be very selective in choosing their tenants.
Post # 7
movingbee: all I know that here it is illegal to advertise or apply allow certain types of family to rent unless someone is renting just a room in a house.
Post # 8
snowball543: Are you in the US? Isn’t discrimiation based on family/marital status illegal!?!?!
Post # 9
It’s not discrimination if it’s a private individual renting out his own property. He has a right to choose who rents from him. It sucks but it’s not illegal.
Post # 10
Wow that does really suck. You two sound like you’d be amazing tenants.
I’ll bet this landlord either ends up with an empty property or the worst tenants ever who so happen to be married.
Post # 11
I had a friend that used to clean up repossessed houses for a living, and man oh man, you’d be impressed what two people divorcing each other can do to a house out of spite. Being married didn’t keep the bank from having to deal with their mess.
It is a downer that happened. I can understand how annoying it is to have to live in that in between spot. Most relationships are given more respect when engaged or married. It can be unfair but it’s just how it is. Vent and get it out of your system! That always made me feel better.
As far as your SO, a lot of men think they have to have a ‘surprise’ proposal, it seems pretty common for rings to sit away so that time ticks by. I don’t think that some guys understand, if a couple has talked about marriage already and bought a ring that the woman knows about, it’s not a surprise anymore, just a countdown clock with no definite end lol. If after the vent everything blows over, I say don’t worry about it. If it still continues to bother you, you might have to find a new way to bring it up with him.
Post # 12
snowball543: oh gosh. So much going on in your message I want to scream at – no unmarried couples. SERIOUSLY?! Did someone not send me the memo about us still being in the 1950s??!!
You said you want “another child” which makes me presume you have one – is that not commitment enough for your landlord? And why should you have to justify your relationship for a rental anyway?! Eugh
Also, your SO needs to crack your ring out and stop telling porkie pies to the agent 😉
Post # 13
Read this: http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/free-books/living-together-book/chapter5-2.html
The majority of states (I’m assuming you’re in the US, sorry if you’re not) do not protect marriage status for renting. However, there are some that do, and include unmarried couples. Specific cities/towns may have their own ordinances.
I’m not certain on the “private landlord” deal some people have brought up. At least where I am, all landlords are held to the same standards regardless of how many places they rent out.
Post # 14
JustMe12182: My SO gets angry to … which I find funny.. my one simple pleasure in all of this
Post # 15
eeniebeans: This is exactly what SO said.. “so married people don’t get divorced?” Its sucks to because we are more stable as a couple than many of the married couples we know.