- 6 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
Hive I have a little dilemma and could really use some advice and perspectives.
FI’s BEST friend, who is more like a brother, is engaged to a absolutely wonderful girl M. They are set to get married next spring, and Fiance is the best man. M and I have become very close, we pretty much lived with her for two years (she wasn’t on the lease, her Fiance was and she just was there every night) and had “family” dinners together at the house/resturaunt most nights, celebrate everything together… even Valentines Day we spend together with them going on snowboarding trips ever year. We are more like family than anything else, there has NEVER been any negative feelings or seeing her as just my FI’s best friend’s Fiance so to speak.This weekend we were talking wedding and she gave me jewlery of hers to wear as my something borrowed- something which is really special and meaningful to me.
In my eyes M is one of the best friends I have got, and I am planning on having her by my side when I get married. To me, and I thought to her, we are friends and will always be friends (we want to buy houses next door together and raise our children together, her Fiance is blind and needs us to help when she goes into labor). This weekend M graduated and we traveled to come watch her, just as she had done for us. We sat with her and her FI’s family and then went to her house for a celebration. At the celebration I met her bridesmaids, well the three out of seven that managed to show up anyways (only one actually went to the ceremony). The girls were less than plesant to EVERYONE, including M and her family, and her Fiance. She has confided in me that several of the girls she doesn’t actually want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, and that they haven’t helped her with anything, didn’t go to her dress fitting, and one actually outright told her he wedding is going to be “trashy and hilbilly-ish”. Meanwhile I have helped her with every detail and been there every step of the way- which she acknowledged by saying that she wants to put me into the wedding program as her “unofficial consultant”. I am totally hurt that she has come to me numerous times telling me what poor friends these girls are to her (they are her “roommates” that she never saw until this year when we moved), and how uninvolved/interested they have been. She is a people pleaser, and has acknowledged that she feels obligated to have them as her BM’s.. She has 7 total, her Fiance has just 4- so I will be designated as the unoffical consultant.
I am totally hurt, and feel like we were way better friends than that but at the same time I can’t say anything. In two weeks she is moving to be closer to us and her Fiance, and honestly I don’t even think these girls are going to keep in touch with her (I mean they live 10 minutes from where her grad. ceremony was and couldn’t even show up to that). Meanwhile Fiance and I have been helping with everything and will ALWAYS be there. Maybe I am taking it too far, but I am now wondering if maybe she just see’s ME as her FI’s bestfriend/bestman’s Fiance rather than the great friends I felt we were. I haven’t yet asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my wedding, I wanted to make her something special to ask and haven’t had time, but now am reconsidering if that is the right move.
Fiance and I were totally shocked at how nasty these girls (BM’s) were, not just to us but to M as well. They were talking about M’s family disrespectfully, sat there and talked about my Fiance, her Fiance, and I right infront of us, and were totally catty. M is the total opposite in EVERY WAY. As we were talking about it he is too really hurt but we both know there is nothing that either of us can say. I think it is really rude to be listed as an unofficial consultatnt in the program, and am really hurt by that suggestion (though she ment it nicely).
Advice? Thoughts…? What do I do from here…?