Weddingbee boards

Well so far I've had only a few niggling problems with my hotel catering manager--now I am REALLY at odds with this one.  Please tell me if I am wrong.  We are having a plated dinner of 5 courses--the 5th course is MY CAKE.  With me so far?  So, the director is telling me I HAVE TO serve a hotel dessert FIRST and my cake later.  I explained that I did not want to have 2 desserts, as it stands my cake is 2 flavours (and we overbought big time) so everyone is going to get 2 really big pieces of cake.  ANYWAY, I dont want a hotel dessert on top of my cake.  I just want my cake for my wedding.  I was clear about this, I am already paying a per person price so I am not asking for a discount, only asking that they NOT serve an additional dessert.  She wrote back that it would give guests a longer time to admire my cake.  Well she may be right but lets be honest, the people who are interested in looking at my cake will look at it, those that arent will probably see that I am cutting into some cake sort of wedding cake.  Regardless I told her I didnt care about that and I just wanted to forego an additional dessert.  

Next she wrote back telling me that they always finish off with one of their desserts, I said I understand that, and that I am sure it is lovely but really, I only want my cake.  I made it clear I understood the price would not change. 

Then she wrote back saying that the CHEF and the CATERING DIRECTOR insisted on "finishing the meal well".  As my cake person is among the most expensive in the area, and well, fabulous...featured in the Knot, 2 Town and Country weddings etc...I have no doubt it will be a fabulous finish to the meal.  I even enlisted the opinion of said cake artist, he is appalled, asked a coordinator friend of his and says I should be able to get what I want.  

I discussed this with my FI and he got all lawyerly about the whole thing so I said, nevermind honey, I will deal with this.   Whatever the reasons of Miss Catering---is this really too much to ask?  To lighten the load of her serving staff and kitchen?  HELP!

Check your contract and see what it says. Then ask to have a meeting with you the catering director, the chef and your husband. If you have to include the coordinator do so. Sit down and discuss the entire meal and bring up the dessert last. Be sure to rave about what food you are planning on having for the other 4 other courses and any passed apps. Then speak to them about how long and diligently you searched for a cake maker and how much you loved the tasting you did. Mention how big your cake is and haw you are planning on serving each guest two pieces. Then mention how full they are going to be from the meal and how they will be simply stuffed by the time they get to the cake. Then say that you understand that they normally provide a dessert but how you would prefer not to stuff your guests with 2 dessert courses and perhaps they could provide a strawberry or some berries for each plate of cake instead of providing dessert. If that is not enough to sooth them, maybe they could create a cookie or something that is in the shape of your monogram or the first letter of your new last name to sit on the cake plate.

I agree that you should approach the catering director.

Perhaps the solution is to offer a dessert of theirs along side yours (as mentioned above -- perhaps some fruit or maybe a sorbet).

What an odd situation this catering manager is presenting you with. There's no reason to serve 2 desserts.

If that doesn't work, let FI get all lawyerly. 

Hahaha...sorry, this is strange.  Apparently they are proud of their food.  At least you know its really good food though, instead of some crap wedding food.  ANyway, you should be able to get what you want.  If you don't want the dessert, you don't have to have it.  And tell them that flat out.  That being said, I don't think other treats will hurt.  We had cake, chocolate covered strawberries, and cheesecake lollipops.  No one complained, everyone kept eating....I think its nice to have choices and stuff.  Also, not everyone likes cake.  My husband hates cake, won't eat it.  So the other stuff was good to have.  I mean, if you have to pay for it anyway, just serve it.  No one will complain.

I like kenziegirl's suggestion - request sorbet or fruit to be served WITH the cake.  It's nice for people who don't like cake, (hopefully) satisfies the "must serve dessert" desire of the caterer, but won't overshadow the cake. 

I too agree that if I were at a wedding and was served two desserts, I definitely wouldn't complain :-)  but I think they are being completely unreasonable and should honor your request.  If you don't want a price discount, how hard is it to NOT do something??  I'm sort of tempted to ask them to make the most difficult and time consuming dessert and then somehow sabotage it so they can't serve it at the last moment, but they still get to "do" their dessert.  Mwahaha.

i noticed that you are getting married in new york city??  i just got married there and we had the same thing.  we had to serve a dessert and then the wedding cake.  i didn't object since i thought people would enjoy a 2nd dessert.  plus since my cake was chocolate and vanilla, i did a fruit based dessert which gave guests some variety.  as to why they as standing firm, i don't get it but my "chef" also had comments on my menu choices... ie.  i picked 2 tuna things and he "suggested" i change one to something else.  Also pancetta showed up 2x in my menu and he "suggested" removing one of the pancetta as not to be too heavy and duplicate.  I took all those comments in stride b/c i didn't care but maybe its a New York thing???

i noticed that you are getting married in new york city??  i just got married there and we had the same thing.  we had to serve a dessert and then the wedding cake.  i didn't object since i thought people would enjoy a 2nd dessert.  plus since my cake was chocolate and vanilla, i did a fruit based dessert which gave guests some variety.  as to why they as standing firm, i don't get it but my "chef" also had comments on my menu choices... ie.  i picked 2 tuna things and he "suggested" i change one to something else.  Also pancetta showed up 2x in my menu and he "suggested" removing one of the pancetta as not to be too heavy and duplicate.  I took all those comments in stride b/c i didn't care but maybe its a New York thing???

"more time to admire the cake" LOL. As if that is their concern.

They clearly want to showcase their desserts (ie pastry chef) and that is not your problem. However my fiance and his family do not love sweets (crazy I know) and I suspect that they are not the only people that don't care about having dessert.  I like the fruit or sorbet idea - make your own ice cream sundaes are big right now but I have a sneaking suspicion that they'll want you to choose from their list of signature desserts. 

I'd say that I want to speak with the Catering Director and pastry chef. I'd be curious to know if they get their desserts elsewhere and that's why they are pushing so hard for it.  Pastry chefs are typically super creative so s/he'd probably do anything you want.  It's your wedding for goodness sake.

If all else fails, let your FI do his thing. Or, and I am so sorry for suggesting this but it was the first thing that popped into my head when I read the post, tell them that your family/his family are health nuts and they don't believe in dessert.  The cake is okay because it's a tradition but if there's another dessert, a lot of food will go to waste. Let them mull that over.

i don't know if someone has already recommended this, but you can have a vienesse table set up with the desserts they intended to serve which would be just as good. The guests would assume you spent more money on dessert when it's actually the one that the hotel is insisting on serving. Hope this helps!

Hi, thanks to everyone who wrote in with suggestions of how I should cope with the mandatory dessert but I guess what I really need are ideas to overcome this I DO NOT WANT a 2nd dessert, not berries, not sorbet not anything, it is very important to me that I serve only my cake.  

 It is not too rich to say that this spoils my childhood wish for my wedding.  I have given in on so many things, especially those that made peoples lives easier--this just makes more work to serve a 2nd Dessert.  No one is inconvenienced and just to be clear the hotel does not make cakes, they will not, I HAD TO choose one from their list of approved vendors.  I did that, now they want me to choose from their list of desserts in addition.  Thank you for the bee that got a laugh about the excuse of giving people a chance to admire my cake--I agree it is preposterous.  

I have tried everything, asking for a cheese course, an additional appetizer, they insist on serving one of their sweets but it is not in my contract anywhere.  I dont want to cross that line b/c once I do...I will prevail on this but I will lose in the end.  Beyond my personal wishes, 1/3 of my guests are coming from Italy, they already think all Americans are gluttonous pigs, I have many guests that are coming from Japan, (pretty much the same sentiment but couched slightly better) But even if I had only American friends coming (and yes many are coming from Texas) I just want what I want.  At this point I think I need clever (or crafty) suggestions because reason isnt cutting it.  Any suggestion will be appreciated (truly ANYTHING)

Can you ask them to donate the dessert course to a charity event? This way people experience the course but it is not at your wedding.

TBerry-you are so funny and brilliant!  Obviously I wanted to laugh because I grew up with my mother telling me that children were starving in India.   I just might ask, any suggestions of a charity that needs a dessert?  

I am dying to hear the outcome myself!  It is definitely not a cost issue b/c I pay whether I serve it or not, which is why they are driving me batty!

Tomorrow (I guess) I sic my Lawyer/Fiancee on them.  I just didnt want to end up in a mexican standoff--and yet I feel like I AM AN ADULT, why do I have to even HAAAAVE this conversation!