- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 1999
Hey bees so my partner and I got engaged only a couple weeks ago but because are looking at a 2014 wedding, we are already starting to discuss things. Word has spread quickly we are finding ourselves in a bit of a pickle with one of our closest friends. We will call her Kay.
Kay has been a close friend of my partner since university and I’ve been friends with her for as long as my partner and I have been dating. We all lived together at one point as flatmates too, so although she is my partners friend, I also have a very close friendship with her. We’ve been on holiday together, been there for eachother through thick and thin, and have shared some really intimate and personal problems. She does not have a bad bone in her body, and has been there for both of us for a long time, but she is also possibly the most unreliable person I have ever met. My partner would agree.
It’s hard to imagine someone so nice being so careless on another front but that is exactly how she is. It’s like there are two sides to Kay. me side she your the best friend you would ever ask for, and the other is just an unorganised mess.
Going back she has always been this way. Whether its a tiny thing she is doing or big thing, she puts it off and off and off until its the last minute and ultimately too late and ruined. an example would be my partners last birthday. Kay and I decided to organise her a night out. The first half I was going to look after, and then the second half of the evening, Kay said she’d organise. We had a good month to sort it all out. I kept asking Kay what she was planning and she just kept saying not to worry, she’d sort it. The night came and I had arranged a pub crawl with about 5 or 6 different bars that I knew my partner would like, and then it got to Kay’s part and the problems just came one after the other. She hadn’t researched any places to go. It was all on a whim. She hadnt sorted guest lists for any of the clubs, or checked prices. She didn’t even know the area we were in that well even though I’d told her what my plans were. In the end, I had to step in and take everyone to a club I knew on the other end of town, simply because I knew thI club and knew we would all get in. There’s all the stuff just like plus the more serious stuff. She Forgets about jobs, work, rent etc.
Recently my partner and I have been discussing our relationship with Kay. My partners 30th birthday party has been planned for a long time and we found out the other day with only 3 weeks to go that Kay forgot to book the time off work. We also bought Kay a Christmas present and she was meant to meet us for a drink so we could give it to her but again she forgot. All the time we recieve messages saying she misses us and we should ,set up soon. We never stop trying to meet up wi her and miss her loads too but always ever shows up As much as we have a huge history with her, love her to pieces and care about it, it is starting to feel as though its a one sided friendship.
Since getting engaged, she has started going on about organising our hen parties – we will be having separate hen parties as a lesbian couple, and also started talking about her role as bridesmaid. Firstly, we probably won’t have bridesmaids at our wedding, and instead probably choose only to have a best man (partners brother), but it’s the assumption! We can’t trust her to organise our hen parties. We both know it just won’t get it done. As much as we will invite her, we both have the feeling she won’t come, and certainly don’t want her involved in organising the wedding for fear of what will go wrong as a result of her lack of organisation. To make things more complicated, we have another close friend – who has admittedly become closer in Kay’s absence – who would love to organise our hen parties for us and help us organise the wedding. She’s reliable, we see her usually once a week as we live in same neighbourhood, she’s always there for us, we trust her etc. I know if we asked her to organise tns. Not only would they happen, but shed make sure it was a good night.
How do we handle this sensitively? I personally feel our relationship with Kay is changing. I will never stop calling her our friend as we share a lot of good memories together but me personally, I’m not seeing her as close as I used to. She didn’t even send us a Christmas card this year. We don’t send cards in expectation of receiving one back but we used to be so close only just over a year ago!
Help :S we don’t want to hurt her feelings 🙁