Post # 1
For some reason, I thought my bridesmaids would be more forthcoming and excited about my wedding, mostly because they were for a month or two. Out of 5 bridesmaids, I have 2 that are actually talking to me about wedding details or at least current life events. The other 3, 2 of which are my fiance’s sisters, are not saying a word to me. I have facebook messaged, texted, and called. They all live far (well because I dont drive, they do!) from me, so I can’t visit them. I just dont know whats wrong.
Recently, I had set up a BM appointment for dresses 6 weeks in advance. All of a sudden I had issues. My fiance’s sisters had sudden “insecurity issues” with trying on dresses in front of people. I technically scheduled the appointment around thier calendars so I felt a bit disappointed and stupid. Needless to say they didnt go….and another 2 had financial problems, which I told them I would help them out with but they refused. Only my mother and my sister (MOH) came (Yep, of 7 people there were only 3, including myself). I am starting to wonder if I should just can them. My sister has tried talking with them as the MOH and all but one have been ignoring her. I know they are reading thier facebook messages (because facebook tells me so) and the sisters are gossiper to thier mothers, who tells me almost everything, so I know they are getting the info, they just refuse to reply. Should I just dump all of them? Or just keep the best 2? Or deal with it? I just think they are causing unnessary stress on me….so why not just strip them of thier titles.
My wedding is in 6 months….and the only person to get thier dress was my MOH/sister.
Post # 3
My sister had a similar issue with her bm’s. She basically gave them a dress deadline. “Hey girls we picked dress xyz, you have until set date or it won’t be here in time. Thanks!”. One girl didn’t get it. It was good riddance! Good luck!
Post # 4
Ohh yea I voted keep the responsive ones!
Post # 5
I have a two-faced response, lol:
1) This is why I hate the idea of obligatory bridal attendants (fiance’s relatives, your own distant relatives, friends you’ve grown apart from, etc.)- because they don’t really care about being good bridesmaids, and then there’s tension.
2) That being said, I think it might cause family drama if you kick the non-responsive b’maids now. I don’t know what your FI would think of it, but I’m willing to guess somebody will start some sh*t over it.
I guess I don’t really have advice for you, but good luck!
Post # 6
I didn’t vote – but I agree with MsSparklyBee – can’t cause too much drama if you tell the the lastest date they have to order the dress and they don’t – to me, that’s them telling YOU they don’t want to be in the wedding anymore.
Post # 7
…and by ‘dood luck’, I obviously meant ‘good luck’ 🙂
Post # 8
Thank you all for replying
@iadornyou: & @MsSparklyBee:
I have given them to the end of March to order thier dresses and I told them this probably 3-4 days after the failed appointment. I recently made a trip to the bridal store to find a dress for mom and asked if there were any other orders….Nothing. That was Wednesday. So I’m playing the waiting game.
Post # 9
I have a question…do they want to be bridesmaids? For your FI’s sisters, he should be the one to talk to them. I would set a deadline and if they don’t respond to that, kindly let them know that planning a wedding is stressful enough and that you would love for them to be guests but you have decided to reduce the wedding party by 3.
BTW, we will only have my sister who is an obligatory attendant. If she weren’t my sister, we’d have none.
Post # 10
im going through the same thing,but with my cousin.
my daughter and i have called her for a month now and have been ignored,we have spoken to her husband who says he will give her our messages,one time he said she should be calling you back this evening,it was already almost 6:30pm.that was the last time we bothered with her,2 weeks ago.
if she doesnt order her dress in the next 2 weeks she will not get it on time.im at a point were i really honestly dont care if she gets her dress,i dont want her in my wedding now,i dont want her,i dont need her.
im not kicking her out,instead im letting it go because i know she will not get her dress on time.i dont think she will even bother trying to get it,so i dont have to worry about her being in my wedding.i was going to replace her,but im not,my side is going to have one less,i dont care,ill have a groomsman walk 2 girls out together,it will be fine.
you gave your deadline of them getting their dress,let it go,if they get it,they do,if not,they kicked their own selfs out,if you want to replace them,have your new girls go get their dresses,everything will work out and you wont look like the bad guy for kicking them out.
Post # 11
ive been going threw something similiar. shes not a relative, just a friend. I was in her wedding and orignally she was going to be my only bm along with my sister who is the MOH. now tho i added 2 more BMs. everyone has been really corporative and ordered their dresses already. due to finacial reasons we have already had to move our wedding back once. now because of that my last girl is refusing to order her dress! she says she will once its closer but the way she went about it was like really??!! she didnt even have the balls to tell me she was going to wait! we were ordering them online so i was the one in charge of getting all the measurements and money from everyone so things didnt get mixed up with everyone ordering on their own. well everytime i asked for hers she said she didnt get a change to do them yet or didnt have the money or just coming up with excuses. finally she was the only one left and the guy we were ordering from said he wouldnt send the others until he had them all so i really had to get on her. when she still wouldnt budge i had my MOH try. that when she finally said oh im not ordering until the wedding is closer! oh i was pissed!!! so now we ordered the rest without her and hopefully she doesnt wait too long cause we’ve actually been having a bunch of issues with the dress guy too. but shes been pulling a bunch of other stuff too to really piss me off and i cant decide if i want to kick her out or not.
Post # 12
I would get FI to talk to them. Maybe they don’t want to be BMs but feel they have to. I don’t understand this whole having his sisters in your bridal party, unless you’ve become very close with them. I can’t imagine feeling obligated to have a BM I wasn’t close with just because……
Post # 13
UPDATE: The youngest of my FI’s sisters dropped out…..because she’s not old enough to drink and doesn’t want to feel like we would be babysitting her. My “good” BM’s reaction was, “I didnt know being drunk was in the job description, but best wedding ever! lol”. The other sister of my FI is ordering her dress 2 weeks late because of midterms. I understand. I just finished college. WHAT IRKS the HELL out of me is that instead of messaging, calling, facebooking me they, both sisters, called thier brother. Apparently, I scare them. I am NO bridezilla. I am not a mean person, if anything I wear my heart on my sleeve to a fault. So I don’t know what the issue is. I still have yet to hear from one BM and to be honest I hope she doesn’t answer….she’s been nothing but about herself through our entire relationship and Ive about had it. I am growing apart from her and if its gonna be easier as her not making a dead line to get a dress to drift out of my bridal party, so be it. She needs to grow up and stop just thinking about herself.
@sharonmariep: I am right there with you! I have a wedding to plan, an apartment to find and furnish and I’m entering graduate school for a master’s degree….I dont need this! I’m just gonna let them throw themselves out. That easy….cuz when it’s all said and done, my husband to be will be the only important person standing at that alter!
@jbbs1222: This may be rude of me to assume but maybe she thinks that you’ll move the wedding again? Or maybe she’s trying to lose weight? But either way, it’s very rude not to tell the bride what you are planning especially since it’s not thier wedding. I would give her a heads up on the manufacturing issue and warn her that her ass needs to order a dress or she can sit with the guests!4
@RockStar33: I wanted to get closer to them and have the whole wedding party be a family affair but they seem to be reluctant. One is still in the party, the other dropped out because of potential alcohol consumption and her being underage. WTH?