(Closed) Unromantic husband makes a romantic gesture or is it?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@texasbee:  So the jewelry was there in the safe from before you were even engaged and now that you two are married, he’s gifting it to you? 

Post # 5
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Seems a little odd. Would it be possible to trade it in somehow for something that goes with your gorgeous green eyes? Something more personal? To me personal is always more romantic.  

Post # 6
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@texasbee:  It sounds like he bought it for his ex. I hate to say that, but no man buys jewelry for someone who isn’t in their life yet. 

Post # 7
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

I wouldn’t read too much into it… Let’s be fair, if he bought it for his Ex, why didn’t he just sell it on when they broke up? Or give it to his Mum, since she wanted it?

Yes, buying it and keeping it around is a bit of an odd thing to do, but there was clearly something in the jewellery which meant something to him for him not to get rid of it – and if he never gave it to his Ex, it’s clearly not about her.

Post # 8
Member
3689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I’d be pissed that he may have bought that stuff for an ex, but only bought you costume pieces and your wedding set.

Post # 10
Member
1685 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

It sounds like he bought it for the ex, and then has reservations about giving it to her.  He probably decided he’d save it for “the one,” and then you came along.  At this point he may feel a little weird giving you jewelry he bought for someone else.  But since you told him you’d like it, he’s willing to give it over.

Maybe it’s not romantic, but I think he’s trying to be practical in his male way.

Post # 11
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@texasbee:  This is a classic example of the difference between men and women. I can guarantee you that he hasn’t put nearly as much thought into this as you think. 

Perhaps he initally intended to give the necklace to his ex although you are being a bit presumptious—but even so, he didn’t….and he was obviously saving i for a reason….if you’re that concerned about it ask him in a casual and nonthreatening way. Perhaps the answer would be to sell the necklace and have him pick out something just for you. Or maybe you will love the necklace and want it. 

Post # 12
Member
9552 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t think it really counts as a romantic gesture, but you get jewelry out of it, so I wouldn’t worry too much.

Post # 13
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t think it’s romantic in the least, but I also don’t think you have any reason to be upset over the pieces. He offered them up and you wanted them. It does not sound like he bought them for the ex, if he straight up told her he had no intention of marrying her, and never brought her back gifts so she wouldn’t get the wrong idea about their relationship. 

It does sound like he bought the pieces with someone in mind, but not the ‘crazy’ ex- why do you label her as crazy? Just because she was silly enough to wait it out hoping he would change his mind, like many women do, or are there other legitamate reasons behind it? 

Does he have any female relatives or friends he is close to? Maybe the pieces were bought with them in mind and he decided not to give them as gifts, especially if it was intended for a friend and he didn’t want the gf at the time or even the friend to get the wrong idea.

I don’t buy his claim that he bought it for ‘the one’ someday, otherwise I think he would have gifted them to you alot sooner.

Post # 15
Member
8 posts
Newbee

I like the idea of trading it in for something that suits you better. Go shopping together and show him what you DO like, so maybe in the future he’ll put it to use. 

Post # 16
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@athame1983:  +1. If most men realized the amount of thought we assume on their behalf, they’d be surprised.

OP, you had forgotten about the jewelry before this third visit. Maybe your DH basically only remembers them when they’re in front of him, too. I wouldn’t say the gesture is romantic per se, but it’s a step in the right direction. He clearly liked doing it based on his reaction to giving you the earrings. I say accept the necklace as a sweet (if not romantic) gesture, and use it as an opening to discuss jewelry that’s more you.

FI gave me a pearl ring about 6months ago and said that he’d had it since he was in college. He claims that he randomly just purchased it at the pier (one of those choose your own oyster for a pearl places), but I know he most probably had a certain someone in mind. However, he was so earnest in wanting me to have it, and I could tell how pleased he was that I liked it, so I just let the other stuff melt away. It wasn’t really my taste, but from there he began to ask questions about what I liked, etc. Two months later, he completely surprised me with the perfect engagement ring!

Some stories may not start out as beautiful as we would like, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a fairytale ending (or moral). Cheers!

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