Post # 1
DH and I went to visit his family for Thanksgiving. It was only the 3rd time visiting them in his hometown.
DH keeps his gun safe at his Mom’s since we are overseas. The first time we visited (only dating a couple of months) he was showing me his guns (he took me shooting for the first time) and I noticed a couple of jewelry boxes in the safe. He mentioned he bought some jewelry a while ago on a business trip overseas. I didn’t think anything about it since we were a very new couple.
The next time we visited (when he actually proposed) we were in the safe again and I figured he might try to sneak the jewelry back in the suitcase and surprise me with it…but he put it back in the safe.
I had completely forgotten about it until last week when we were there again. He tells me one box was a set of earrings and another was a necklace. I had actually asked him for earrings for Christmas and he asks if I want these earrings even though he doesn’t think they are MY style…I said yes b/c we actually spent our 1 year anniversary in a hotel room w/o any special plans, gifts, etc. on his part and I was feeling bummed about it.
So then he asks me if I want the necklace. He said it’s beautiful and his mom has always wanted it. But then he tells me it for someone with blue eyes (I have green and his mom has brown) and I guessing it has blue stones. Then it clicked….his crazy ex-gf has blue eyes. So I asked if the jewelry was originally bought for her (he WAS dating her at the time) and he said “hell no, I was saving it for the ONE.” I told him to give it to me at Christmas since I’m not sure WHAT he plans on giving me.
He’s not the most romantic man…which is fine and I knew that before marrying him. But now, I’m not super excited about his gesture. At first I told myself “well, he did give it to you and not HER” but then I think “well WHO else would he give it to? I mean he’s a married man.” The only jewelry he’s ever gotten me since we’ve been together is a couple of cheap costume pieces when we’ve been traveling and my wedding set. He never buys flowers or cards or anything like that….which is fine like I said. He seemed pretty proud of himself for giving me the earrings…constantly asking if anyone’s complimented me on them…which they have.
Am I looking at this the wrong way? Is this a romantic gesture? Just needing someone to help me make sense of it…I just can’t understand WHY I feel this way.
Post # 3
@texasbee: So the jewelry was there in the safe from before you were even engaged and now that you two are married, he’s gifting it to you?
Post # 4
@futuremrsk18: Yeah, I think he bought it like 4-5 years ago when he went on a business trip to Europe or something. I always assumed (from the first time I knew about it) that he bought it for her but wasn’t sure about giving it to her.
Post # 5
Seems a little odd. Would it be possible to trade it in somehow for something that goes with your gorgeous green eyes? Something more personal? To me personal is always more romantic.
Post # 6
@texasbee: It sounds like he bought it for his ex. I hate to say that, but no man buys jewelry for someone who isn’t in their life yet.
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
I wouldn’t read too much into it… Let’s be fair, if he bought it for his Ex, why didn’t he just sell it on when they broke up? Or give it to his Mum, since she wanted it?
Yes, buying it and keeping it around is a bit of an odd thing to do, but there was clearly something in the jewellery which meant something to him for him not to get rid of it – and if he never gave it to his Ex, it’s clearly not about her.
Post # 8
I’d be pissed that he may have bought that stuff for an ex, but only bought you costume pieces and your wedding set.
Post # 9
@RiverBride13: He bought it overseas and I don’t think he could exchange it given that he bought it years ago. Although I do look good in blue.
@vorpalette: That’s kinda what I was thinking…even though he told me since he was little he always thought he’d marry someone with green eyes.
@chronicwhimsy: He actually officially broke up with her once he moved overseas so he didn’t go back home until we were dating. He has a bad relationship with his mom so he refused to give it to her.
I guess I should add that his ex always wanted them to get married and he flat out told her from the beginning that he wasn’t going to marry her….said he wasn’t ever going to get married (his parents had a horrible divorce)…then he met me and I changed that.
He also stuck around with the ex for several years b/c it was an “easy” relationship and she wanted to be with him so bad she catered to him. He knew it was wrong but was waiting until he met the ONE and actually moved for work to start a new life b/c he didn’t have the guts to end it properly.
He mentioned every business trip he took, he never brought her anything back b/c he didn’t want her getting the wrong idea and thinking they had a future together….it was a pretty crappy thing for him to do to her but I honestly think she thinks he’s gonna move back home and be with her even though she knows he’s married now. I guess I just feel like the jewelry is connected to her somehow.
Post # 10
It sounds like he bought it for the ex, and then has reservations about giving it to her. He probably decided he’d save it for “the one,” and then you came along. At this point he may feel a little weird giving you jewelry he bought for someone else. But since you told him you’d like it, he’s willing to give it over.
Maybe it’s not romantic, but I think he’s trying to be practical in his male way.
Post # 11
@texasbee: This is a classic example of the difference between men and women. I can guarantee you that he hasn’t put nearly as much thought into this as you think.
Perhaps he initally intended to give the necklace to his ex although you are being a bit presumptious—but even so, he didn’t….and he was obviously saving i for a reason….if you’re that concerned about it ask him in a casual and nonthreatening way. Perhaps the answer would be to sell the necklace and have him pick out something just for you. Or maybe you will love the necklace and want it.
Post # 12
I don’t think it really counts as a romantic gesture, but you get jewelry out of it, so I wouldn’t worry too much.
Post # 13
I don’t think it’s romantic in the least, but I also don’t think you have any reason to be upset over the pieces. He offered them up and you wanted them. It does not sound like he bought them for the ex, if he straight up told her he had no intention of marrying her, and never brought her back gifts so she wouldn’t get the wrong idea about their relationship.
It does sound like he bought the pieces with someone in mind, but not the ‘crazy’ ex- why do you label her as crazy? Just because she was silly enough to wait it out hoping he would change his mind, like many women do, or are there other legitamate reasons behind it?
Does he have any female relatives or friends he is close to? Maybe the pieces were bought with them in mind and he decided not to give them as gifts, especially if it was intended for a friend and he didn’t want the gf at the time or even the friend to get the wrong idea.
I don’t buy his claim that he bought it for ‘the one’ someday, otherwise I think he would have gifted them to you alot sooner.
Post # 15
I like the idea of trading it in for something that suits you better. Go shopping together and show him what you DO like, so maybe in the future he’ll put it to use.
Post # 16
@athame1983: +1. If most men realized the amount of thought we assume on their behalf, they’d be surprised.
OP, you had forgotten about the jewelry before this third visit. Maybe your DH basically only remembers them when they’re in front of him, too. I wouldn’t say the gesture is romantic per se, but it’s a step in the right direction. He clearly liked doing it based on his reaction to giving you the earrings. I say accept the necklace as a sweet (if not romantic) gesture, and use it as an opening to discuss jewelry that’s more you.
FI gave me a pearl ring about 6months ago and said that he’d had it since he was in college. He claims that he randomly just purchased it at the pier (one of those choose your own oyster for a pearl places), but I know he most probably had a certain someone in mind. However, he was so earnest in wanting me to have it, and I could tell how pleased he was that I liked it, so I just let the other stuff melt away. It wasn’t really my taste, but from there he began to ask questions about what I liked, etc. Two months later, he completely surprised me with the perfect engagement ring!
Some stories may not start out as beautiful as we would like, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a fairytale ending (or moral). Cheers!