Post # 1
We’re having a morning wedding and I guess we’ll be getting together with his family again afterwards for dinner and then again the following day for some BBQ thing. As I’m going down the details list, I got to wedding night hotel and asked my FI what he wants to do. He says we’ll just get a motel room in town (this town has a population of 11,000 and is much smaller than where I grew up) because I had mentioned I didn’t want to come back to the house because our tenant will be here and it would makes things super awkward romance wise. This may sound stuck up but I really don’t want to spend my wedding night in a motel that’s a 10 minute walk from our house. I know we could just do something later but I mean, come on . . it’s our wedding night, it only happens once! If it was an issue of money, I’d gladly splash out on it from my own funds but he insists that it’s a matter of distance.
Add to that, we’ll be spending the entire week after our wedding with my immediately family and his parents as we go to a few places around NZ before my family goes home. There will be plenty of stays in motels and most likely in rooms sharing walls with one or both sets of our parents . . . such fun, right? I guess I’m just feeling bummed that his idea of a good will be the bargain trucker motel that’s 10 minutes from the house as opposed to the nice hotel that’s 45 minutes away. And now I feel like an entitled brat.
Post # 2
Just put your foot down and say not happening, sorry. I’d feel a bit upset about that. It would make the day a bit less special.
Post # 3
While reading your post I was thinking that that’s the only hotel within >hours of your location, but 45 minutes!? Absolutely I’d be booking that nicer hotel. 45 minutes is nothing.
Post # 4
I don’t think you’re a brat, it’s a special occassion. If it’s not tipping you into debt then get the nicer hotel room.
If you’re spending the week with immediate family you need to treasure and make the most of any alone time you can squeeze in.
Talk to him! Make it clear what it would mean to you.
Post # 5
I would just talk to your FI about how you feel. Explain to him your concerns.
Although I will tell you that the wedding night isn’t typically what you see in movies. Everyone I know passed out right when they got back to their room on their wedding nights. My husband and I stayed up drinking/talking with family and friends and then ordered pizza 1am, ate it and passed out (which was ok with me). Lol. So if your wedding night isn’t super romantic just know that you’re definitely not alone.
Post # 6
You speak about these plans like you had zero involvement in them. If you don’t want to tourist around NZ the week after with family- don’t. If you dont want to stay in a motel (I sure as hell wouldn’t) don’t. And if you’d rather stay in bed naked with your new husband than go to some family brunch: just do it.
You need to stop pleasing everyone but yourself!
Post # 7
Yeah, I understand your feelings on this. If it were me, I’d simply make a reservation where I wanted to go, and tell him to deal with it. But, my FI knows how I am and would deal just fine.
This is your wedding night, it should feel special and amazing.
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
MrsBuesleBee: This. Every word.
Post # 9
You could also think about a way to make the night special in the motel? On our wedding night we bought a really expensive bottle of champagne, and after the reception we sat up most of the night drinking champagne, and just talking/cuddling, etc. It was honestly my favourite part of the whole day 🙂
Post # 10
Zephi: I bet you wouldn’t mind staying 10 mins from home IF it was a great place and not some “motor court” motel, right? You take the reins, find a better spot and book it. I do not think you are being unreasonable.
Post # 11
MrsBuesleBee: I know that I’ve had involvement in the plans but at the same time, I don’t have total control of them. My issue with all the plans is that I don’t get much space to be alone or at least recharge my introverted batteries. My family is flying 8,000 miles to be at my wedding and I know that if I didn’t spend time with them, I’d regret it. It’s been a year and a half since I moved and it’ll be two to three years after the wedding before I’m able to see them again.
If our tenant would be gone for the night, I’d happily spend our wedding night at our house and just kick back and have whatever our version of fun might be that night. I think I’ll probably end up booking the room myself but I’ll talk to him tonight when he gets home.
Post # 12
You should totally drive the 45 minutes to a nicer hotel! You won’t regret the distance. That really isn’t a big deal. I feel your introvert pain haha! So do what you need to do 🙂
Post # 13
Woohoo! Just took a bit of a long talk but he’s agreed to book at a bed and breakfast which is 45 minutes from our house. Can’t wait for that relaxing break between the dinner with our families and the next day’s events with our families.
Post # 14
Zephi: so excited for you making the decision on the nicer hotel. It will be such a special night and you shouldn’t have to compromise on that :). Btw, you didn’t sound like a brat at all. 🙂
Post # 15
Happy for you too! Have a great wedding night!