- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
I’ve written a few posts on this issue before. It’s come to the point where I’ve decided that my mother can no longer be part of my life. I feel sad about this but her abuse needs to end. It is wrecking me emotionally. She has started personally attacking FI, who she hardly knows (telling him he’s no good at his job, not a good person, not good to me) none of it has solid grounding and is said in anger. For example, he has made me his slave because I cook for him. Well, let me tell you I love food and cooking and him and do it completely by choice. She univited me from Christmas because she said I would ruin it. But the part that has made me realize exactly where she is mentally is that she told me “you are going to make your husband leave you and your kids commit suicide, I hope you work on your mental issues”. This is just so so hurtful and uncalled for. I do not want her to be part of my new life and my children’s lives. I’m just done. Please keep in mind this is long coming (20+ years of emotional/verbal abuse), and she refuses to get help.
FI, myself and my dad were trying to make a game plan for dealing with her at the wedding in case she has an episode – she has done this in public before, yelled at my ballet teacher in front of 100+ people – and when our conversation got to hiring security to monitor her behaviour I just thought “why am i inviting someone to my wedding who I have to be concerned about embarassing me so badly that I need to invite plain-clothes security guards”?
I’ve realized she is never going to be the mother I want her to be. She is completely unwilling and has decided I’m the problem. She will make my wedding day about herself and even if everything goes fine I will be so stressed worrying about it. Its just not worth it. I cannot handle the nasty things she says about the people I love.
But knowing her ability to manipulate other people, glorious rage, and lack of awareness for being inappropriate I need to make a game plan. I am looking for thoughtful suggestions on preparing myself for this. I will have to change my phone number and FI’s, discuss this in detail with my grandfather and sister who are dependent on her – she will likely make them choose me or her, and I need to have an answer/response to people who question me or try to get me involved in her life. I am also planning to send a very simple, straightforward letter to her stating she is not to communicate with me due to abuse with some description – so if she shows anyone to claim abandonment they can get a quick idea of context. She has terminal cancer and I know that is going to bring up issues with the health care system and her needing physical help. I am planning to set up regular appointments for myself with a psychologist at school but the university is closed until next week. I have minimal contact with her at this point so many ties are already broken.
Has anyone dealt with a situation like this before? How did you cope with it? Any suggestions?