(Closed) Unsupportive MIL, UGH…

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
5969 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

How very odd….I wonder what exactly her concern over you two having a baby is…..I mean…waiting longer gets you what exactly?  I don’t get it at all….but I also think bringing up her lack of enthusiasm will create more harm than good…so find and focus on the people that support you both!

Congratulations!

Post # 4
Member
1716 posts
Bumble bee

Thats just…so horrible. I don’t even know what to say. I guess brush it off, or maybe have him talk to his mom and let him know that now that Dad is gone he needs her emotional support during the big things in his life.

either way I’m gutted for you! *big hugs*

Post # 5
Member
5479 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Maybe just give it time.  We also started TTC right away (as in, I was 7 weeks pregnant AT the wedding!)

My parents and siblings were over the moon.  Our friends were so happy, excited, and supportive.  His mother ordered tequilla upon hearing the news.  Two shots, actually.  Chilled.  And a margarita, on the rocks, no salt, no lime.

Wow.  Thanks lady.  I was hurt that his mother took the news so hard that it literally drove her to drink.

I get that it was *GASP* before the wedding, but dang woman, I’m 31 years old and own my own home.  Get over it.

I knew MrDane was a little disappointed as well, but he kind of expected that reaction.  I was really hurt, but he reassured me that she would come around.

Well, the wedding came and went, and went off without a hitch.  After the madness from all that died down, she seems to have come around.  She bought us The Velveteen Rabbit and a stuffed bunny to go with it (bunnies are her ‘thing’ really) so it’s the small stuff that shows she is getting excited.  I think she was just shocked with the timing of it all.  I tried to be patient and understanding, but it was difficult to do. 

I’m now 21 weeks along, and she does seem much more supportive, and dare I say… excited?  I joked with her that if she’s not old enough to be called “grandma” we can have them call her “auntie” instead.  She just laughed, and everything seems to have settled down.

Hang in there sweets, hopefully she comes around.  And if she doesn’t, then shame on her alienating her child and grandchild.

Post # 8
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee

@nicannette:  I don’t think we are pregnant yet but we are trying to conceive. We haven’t told anyone but the convo came  up the other day and my MIL said it would be stupid to get pregnant right now. I was bummed and felt like bursting out in tears. I am so sorry you are going through this. Hoping it gets better for you. Just enjoy that little peanut growing inside you. HUGS!

Post # 9
Member
5969 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@nicannette:  She might be just the teeniest bit narcissistic and really opposed to things that take the attention off her own world…if you just got married, that was probably hard enough for her, now with a baby on the way she probably feels really threatened….stick to your boundaries and don’t let her nonsense get to you, it’s a personality hiccup and nothing more, she can’t help it.

Post # 10
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee

Wow she’s being ridiculous. No point in poking at you guys now, the deed is done! Hopefully she gets over it and is more supportive soon! Also, congrats to you and best of luck in your pregnancy!

Post # 11
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

((HUGS)) If it helps you are not alone. I’m not even going to try to do anything cute for my MIL, because she is going to hate the news. She already said that we wouldn’t be having children because she owns dogs. Right? That makes sense? We can’t have a family because she owns dogs and clearly we are going to delay our reproduction until she no longer wants to be a pet owner. Gag. She said this to her mother when her mother said “You are going to be a Grandma soon, like me!” My MIL doesn’t want to be old and called her husband a “stick in the mud” because he doesn’t drink and drive any more like they used to do in their 20s. Oh Lordy, some people you are just better without. My inlaws are moving even further away in 2013, here’s hoping their house sells fast!!!

Surround yourself with positive people and stop expecting her to be decent mom or even human being. Seriously consider if you want the kids to be around her or if her being in their life will cause them as much heartache as it causes your husband. 

Again (HUGS) You are not the only person going through this! Though no one should have to! I’m excited for you!!!! Congrats!

Post # 12
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My main suggestion is to limit your visits (both in frequency and in the amount of time you visit), and secondly try to have other people around when visiting so you have NICE people to talk to instead of her.  Like only go to her place if its celebration days- like birthdays all her friends and other family will be there. If she comes to your house, also have friends and family around. At least that way you don’t have to interact with her very much.

Post # 16
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@nicannette:  In laws are weird… not gonna hijack your thread with my In law horror stories. Hopefully your MIL will come around and be supportive of you and her son. Best wishes and happy pregnancy!

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